Revenge
by sparkles04
Summary: Don't be fooled by the title. This... is a love story. A little bit of laughs, a fair amount of drama, a whole lot of twists and of course, romance. Take a journey with Spencer and her confused heart, as she deals with her need for revenge, but also her need, for love.
1. Chapter 1 Prologue

Here's my new story. **IT IS A SPASHLEY STORY** but Peyton from OTH will play a major role and also (for a few friends who are a wee bit obsessed) Brooke will also be in this story. Please don't be deterred by the title and summary. _Give the story a chance and let me tell it_. I will try to update as soon and often as possible. I am a busy girl so like I said..TRY. Please be patient and I hope you enjoy :)

Rated T for now.

_I don't own any of these amazing characters. Just the story._

Revenge

**Part 1- Prologue**

I remember it like it happened yesterday. Laying on the ground in pain while the rain fell down on me. The ambulance came about 20 minutes after it happened. They scooped me up and told me everything would be okay. They were wrong. My life changed that day in so many ways.

And I will never forget…

_I was on my way home from ballet practice. It was a chilly night and I could smell the rain in the air. I adjusted my bag on my shoulder and crossed my arms over my chest. The temperature was dropping fast. The wind picked up a bit and I felt the first rain drop on my face. I sped up my walk to an almost jog and crossed the street. _

_It happened fast. _

_I didn't even have time to react._

_It was like the car came out of nowhere._

_I felt the impact instantly from my left side. The tires of the car were screeching as I was thrown into the air. I landed on the side of a curb. _

_I knew my leg was broken. It felt like my whole left side was disconnected from my body. The pain was excruciating and my insides were screaming but all that left my mouth were quiet whimpers. I moved slightly and felt a sharp pain in my upper abdomen. At that point I was praying just to pass out from the pain, but I was afraid I wouldn't wake back up. _

_I could barely see as the rain came down on my face. The headlights of the car were bright and almost blinding. _

"_What are you waiting for? Call 911." I heard from a distance. _

"_Go see if she's okay."_

"_What? No you go. You hit her."_

_Suddenly there was a pair of hands on my face turning me towards the sound of a voice._

"_Can you move? Where does it hurt?" The voice said. I could only vaguely see her face. A girl. She was young. _

"_Every..where." Was all I could manage to get out._

_She turned her face and yelled at the other person. "Did you call yet? She's badly hurt."_

_Her face turned back towards me._

"_I'm going to get you some help okay?"_

_I nodded and let out loud cry. Just the smallest movement caused the worst pain imaginable._

"_Ash! Come here." The other person called out._

"_I'll be right back okay."_

_I didn't nod or try to say anything. I was afraid to move._

_It seemed like hours before she came back. _

"_I called an ambulance. It should be here real soon. Just hold on okay."_

_She brushed back the wet hair from my forehead. _

"_What's your name?" She asked._

"_Spencer." I whispered back._

"_That's a nice name. It's different." She smiled and moved some wet strands of hair behind her ear. Her smile was kind and comforting._

"_Thanks."_

_She took off her coat and laid it over me._

"_You're going to be okay Spencer. They're going to be here soon."_

_The sound of her voice was soothing and looking into her soft brown eyes was distracting me momentarily from the pain._

"_Ashley we have to go. Come on." The other person called out._

"_Hold on." She yelled back._

"_Don't go. Don't… leave me." I cried out._

_The sirens were heard in the distance and she turned her head to them._

"_They're coming Spencer. You're going to be okay." She repeated._

_I felt her warm hand slide into mine as she leaned down closer to me._

"_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."_

_I closed my eyes and when I opened them she was gone. I no longer felt the warmth from her hand or heard the soothing sound of her voice. And the pain, the pain was back._

_I saw the flashing lights and suddenly there was a woman by my side. I couldn't hear anything she was saying. It was all mumbled._

_I passed out shortly after that._

The next day I woke up in a hospital room. The accident had left me with a ruptured spleen, 3 broken ribs, a dislocated hip and I had broken nearly every bone in my leg; my fibula got the worst of it.

A metal rod was inserted into my leg. I had to learn to walk again.

But this wasn't the worst part of my story.

I lost everything that day.

_My ability to dance._

_The only family I had left._

_Any sense of hope._

She had taken those things away from me.

The girl with the beautiful eyes and the gentle smile.

The girl who hit me and left me on the side of the road.

_**Part 2**_

"Carlin?"

"Huh?" I looked up at my very angry looking boss confused.

"I need those pictures. Did you pick them up for me?" She was hanging out of her office door looking disheveled, as always.

"They're on your desk Peyton. Where they have been since yesterday." I said in a sarcastic tone. Peyton was my boss but she had also become a great friend.

She glared at me and walked back into her office.

"Good morning to you too Boss." I mumbled to myself.

I started working at B. Davis Magazine nearly 4 years ago. My first few years I spent in the advertising department selling ad space. Then after a night out on the town with some friends I ran into a very drunk Peyton. She recognized me from work and made me drive her home, and walk her inside, and help her undress and tuck her in. Now get your mind out of the gutter. Although by the way, I am gay all the way, Peyton is as straight as a ruler. I helped her out that night and she rewarded me with a new job.

She made me the assistant to the Photo Editor. Her assistant.

I say rewarded not because I loved the job. It wasn't fun. It was ridiculously fast paced. Long hours. No life.

I say rewarded because I was one step closer to my goal….

_The months after the accident were the worst in my life.. and I had been through a lot in my first 16 years._

_I had lost my father and my brother when I was 12. They were killed in a car accident that left me unscathed and my mother with a few minor injuries. In the years since, my mother had fought a daily battle with depression. The only time she was happy was when I was dancing. She loved to watch me dance. It was an escape for her. It put her at peace with herself._

_The day I was told I wouldn't be able to dance ballet anymore she lost it. I didn't see her for days. Where she went I have no clue. I just know that when she returned she looked dead inside. She didn't say a word for nearly a week. She even went 3 days without moving on her own. _

_She was soon admitted to a mental institution for Catatonic Schizophrenia. _

_I left the hospital 2 months later with a distant uncle. My mother's estranged brother. He was a tall, nearly bald headed, well dressed, scary looking man. But he was all I had left. We stopped by my house briefly. I grabbed a few bags and stuffed them with my belongings. Among them was a jacket. One that didn't belong to me. It was from the girl from the accident. I threw it on the bed and a folded up piece of paper fell from the pocket…._

While I learned how to walk again, my mother sat practically lifeless in a chair in her room at the mental institution.

Where she still sits to this day.

I was 16.

I had no family.

My dreams lost forever.

My hopes diminished quickly.

_As I stood in my new room looking out the window I pulled the folded up piece of paper out of my pocket._

_A parking violation issued to…_

_Ashley Davies. _

So like I said, I was one step closer to my goal.

I was one step closer to her.

Ashley Davies- Creative Director of B. Davis Magazine.

Ashley Davies- Co-CEO.

Ashley Davies- Top C.D. in the business.

Ashley Davies- Young, beautiful, talented, successful, …untouchable.

So what was my goal you ask?

To take everything from her.

My goal …._Revenge._

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	2. Chapter 2 Game On

Thanks so much for the reviews. They keep the pressure on to update :) As I stated in the first author's note..** this IS a Spashley story.** But... the main characters from One Tree Hill will have major roles in this story. Call it a crossover, call it what you want. Spencer and Ashley will be the main focus.

_Thank you to P, S and A for ...just being awesome!_

**Friendlygirl333**- I know it is a much different story than T.P. but as I do promise great things and quite a bit of the unexpected. Thanks much!

**jcastellanos11**- Here's more :)

**snowdrop1026**- I am almost scared too :)

**TheQueen**- Yes, definitely a Spashley fic.

**FFReviews**- I know, kind of scary. Lol. Enjoy!

**judelltar**- Thanks. Enjoy!

**wtfsammiee**- Lol. Well thank you for finally reviewing. It means a lot. Enjoy :)

**A Mind That Sits Still**- Lol. All of your questions will be answered...soon enough. There may be one or two of Ashley's p.o.v. Patience my dear :) Enjoy!

**Avril/My fellow C.P. lover/ **- Lol. Too funny. I don't know..I have a lot of FANFUCKINTASTIC ideas floating around in this awesome brain of mine. Haha. You will have to be patient. I will make it worth the wait..trust me!

**irishinkjunkie1024**- Thanks. Here's the next. Enjoy!

**OnThePrecipice21**- I will do my best to make it as unpredictable as possible. You have my word! :)

**prissy020304**- Thanks. Enjoy!

**Charlee**- I don't have it in me either. I wanted a different kind of story with the characters out of their usual roles. I hope you change your mind. Apologies not needed.

**lexi**- Lol. An evil smirk followed with a devilish laugh. Thanks. Enjoy!

**pati1996**- Thanks. Hope you enjoy!

**adibou**- Thanks. Well it is a Spashley story so ...they may just end up together ..somehow ;) You'll just have to wait and see. ENjoy!

**mimi**- Lol. I won't stop posting it. It may take time between chapters due to my busy life and sometimes a wee bit of writers block but I will see it to the end. Promise!

**Topple**- Thanks. Sorry to keep you waiting. Enjoy!

**Air'Sweetheart57**- Thank you. Here's the next. Enjoy!

**who cares**- Thanks. Hope you enjoy!

**r3dnote**- Well thank you my loyal fan. Hope you enjoy!

**frverloco**- Happy to hear you la la la loved it. Hope you love this one.

**Thanks again everyone :)**

_I don't own the characters...just the story._

_**Chapter 2- Game on.**_

"So you're coming out with us tonight right?" Peyton asked as she popped a few red jelly beans in her mouth. I don't know what her fascination was with those things but she had a jar of them on her desk. I had the lovely job of sorting them from the rest of the flavors. Nice friend right?

"I don't know Peyton. I'm supposed to go with Aiden to see this Indie film he has wanted to see."

"Spencer, when are you going to stop hanging out with that big and buff, bag of boring and come hang with me and my girls? You know we are much more fun." She moved aside a few stacks of papers and sat down on the side of my desk. So much for my neat piles.

"Peyton, Aiden is my best friend. He has been for years. I enjoy spending time with him."

"I'll admit he is hot Spence but he's a dud. I tried to put the moves on him twice and he acted like he wasn't interested. He's not gay too is he?"

Sometimes I would just like to smack her.

"So because he turned you down he's gay? Really Peyton?" I grabbed the mess of papers and started neatly stacking them again.

She tapped her finger to her chin like she was thinking. "Yes, exactly."

"He has a girlfriend Peyton. Some people still have morals and loyalty."

She looked at me like she wasn't buying it and hopped off my desk. From behind me she wrapped her arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Come on Spence. Come hang out with us tonight. I will make it worth your while. Introduce you to a few girls I know. Buy you a few drinks…"

"Okay fine." I interrupted with a sigh.

"But I am bringing Aiden."

"Fine, fine, fine." She sighed and kissed me on the cheek.

"But if he starts boring it up I'm gonna feed him to Benny, the bouncer."

Benny was a giant, gay teddy bear. But you didn't mess with Benny.

And yes, she always talks like this.

"Don't you have work to do? Negatives to go over?... An office to make a mess in?" I smiled my charming smile and she shook her head.

"Get out of here and go get ready. I will pick you and the dud up at 7."

She closed the door with a wink and I laughed. After double and triple checking my desk to make sure everything was in place I gathered my bag and coat and headed out.

I had 3 hours to get ready. And I would need it. I had to look my best tonight. I know she'll be there. I hope she'll be there.

Once I was home I called Aiden. He was upset at first but I explained to him that I really needed a night out dancing and drinking…and putting my plan into further action. Yes, he knew my agenda. He was my best friend.

I met Aiden in college when we were both sophomores. We both got super drunk one night and ended up in bed together. It was awkward the next morning and we both decided to just go on with our lives and forget about it. But we kept running into each other. He thought it was fate, that we were meant to be together…until I explained to him that I was gay. Anyway, we became close friends after that. He knows me better than anyone and vice versa. I don't know what I would do without him. Even though he doesn't agree with my plans, he has my back. Really he just hopes that I will back out when I finally get the chance. He doesn't think I will go through with it.

There's where he doesn't know me.

He doesn't know what I will do. How I will do it. How far I will go to get it. I'm talking revenge of course.

Nothing will stop me. No-one either for that matter.

She has to lose everything just like I did.

I'm not a bad person really. But I have lost everything because of Ashley Davies. Because one rainy night she decided to drive her car.. drunk.. down a dark road, hit me and then leave me lying there.

Oh yes. I said drunk.

_Weeks had passed and I was moving on with my life the best I could. As I would lie in bed at night I slowly started to remember things. Things about the accident._

_Pieces that were missing started to fall into place…_

"_What are you waiting for? Call 911." I heard from a distance. _

"_Go see if she's okay."_

"_What? No you go. You hit her."_

"_I can't. I'm scared."_

"_Just call 911 and then we'll go."_

"_We can't just leave her there."_

"_We've been drinking. We'll go to jail."_

"_I'll call 911 and then..then we'll leave."_

_I distinctly remember Ashley's voice. How it cracked when she said the last part. I would remember that forever. The sound of her voice would haunt me everynight._

_I remember a few other things from that night as well._

_The feeling of being wet and cold. The taste of blood dripping down my face from when my body hit the ground. And the unmistakable smell of alcohol on Ashley's breath._

We walked into the club around 7:45 and I could feel the eyes on me the moment I stepped in. I was wearing the tightest, shortest black dress I could find and it was working exactly the way I intended it to. As we approached the table full of Peyton's friends I immediately made eye contact with Ashley. That is after she gave me the once over. I smirked and sat down as Peyton hollered for the waitress.

"Everyone, you know the gorgeous Spencer. This is her friend Aiden."

Everyone said hello and introduced themselves to Aiden. Brooke, Chelsea and Ashley. He already knew Ashley. From me of course. After he shook her hand he gave me a look. A look that told me we were going to have another conversation tonight. I was not going to back off though.

After ordering some drinks we all sat and chatted about work. I didn't really talk much. In fact, mostly Peyton, Ashley and Brooke reminisced about when they first opened the magazine. Ashley had inherited $347 million dollars when her father had passed. Her, Brooke and Peyton opened up the magazine fresh out of college. It quickly became one of New York's bestselling magazines.

"Hey muscles, let's go dance." Peyton dragged Aiden of to the dance floor which surprised me. I was starting to think that the insults were just a front. Peyton liked him.

I sat there quietly drinking my vodka and cranberry while the others continued to talk. My eyes stayed on the dance floor. I didn't want them to know I was listening to their conversation. Not that I cared. Brooke was talking about finances, Chelsea talked about her boyfriend and Ashley..well she wasn't talking much.

I looked up and caught her eyes on me. She looked away fast and cleared her throat. I caught her staring a lot when we were in the same room. A board room meeting, in Peyton's office and now from across the table. Sometimes I thought maybe she remembered me. If she did she never really let on.

I don't know how she could forget. Drunk or not.

How could she forget?

The first time we met, she looked into my eyes, shook my hand and said 'Nice to meet you Spencer.' and then went about her business. She wasn't affected at all by our meeting. I, on the other hand was.

I was nervous, scared and angry all at the same time. The fact that she looked me in the eyes and didn't see that 16 year old girl she left bleeding and broken on the side of the road fueled the fire that was within me.

Even now, 8 years later, I remember her soft eyes, the feeling of warmth her hand created in mine and "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." as it left her trembling lips.

I couldn't forget that night if I tried. I couldn't forget how she made me feel. How she made me forget the pain. How she comforted me. I shoved all that aside. I buried it deep because I didn't want to remember her like that. I wanted to remember her as the girl who ruined my life.

How could she forget?

"I'm going to use the ladies room. Excuse me." She was up and on her way fast. She looked so good in the dress she was wearing. And believe me; I hated myself for even thinking that.

This was my chance. My opportunity to seal the deal on the first plan of action.

Brooke was still talking to Chelsea but she must have felt my eyes boring into her. She stopped talking and looked my way.

"You wanna dance?" I asked quietly.

She bit her lip while she thought about it.

"Sure." Her smile showed the dimples in her cheeks. Brooke was gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. But she wasn't cocky about it. She was confident and she was classy and I was very much attracted to her.

We made our way on to the dance floor, sliding in between the grinding couples and sweaty bodies. Her hand was in mine and when we reached the middle of the dance floor I pulled her close to me. She looked surprised but smiled as we started swaying.

"You're going to get me in trouble Spencer."

"In trouble with who?"

"My girlfriend." She said quietly.

"Is your girlfriend here?"

She didn't answer me but she looked away.

"We're just dancing Brooke. Relax."

It wasn't just dancing. We both knew that.

Brooke and I had gotten close within the last few months. We bonded at a party of Peyton's over a few glasses of wine and ever since had been finding ways to talk to each other at work**. **There was an obvious attraction between the two of us. She gave me her number but explained that it be best to keep our conversations on the phone limited. Her girlfriend was a very jealous person. Of course I didn't care about her girlfriend. I, unlike Aiden didn't have any morals left.

One night while I was about to leave I noticed Brooke's light on. I thought I would say goodnight or see if she wanted to walk out with me. The door was cracked and I was about to knock when I heard it. Moaning. I couldn't help myself. I was curious. Everyone knew Brooke was gay and had a girlfriend. But no-one knew who it was. She kept it to herself.

I slowly and quietly pushed the door open just enough to get a good look. It made sense why she kept her girlfriend a secret.

I didn't tell anyone what I saw that night. I knew I could use that information for later on down the road.

I wanted revenge and I would go about it any way that I needed to. Including seducing Brooke. Ashley's girlfriend.

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	3. Chapter 3 Struggle

_**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. I would like to reiterate that this is indeed a Spashley story. Be patient please. I'm sorry for the wait but as I said I am a busy girl. Writing this story is actually quite a challenge for me so the updates may take a little longer. Hope you stick with me :)**_

_**A special thanks to my girls..you know who you are :)**_

_I don't own the characters..just the words_

* * *

_Brooke and I had gotten close within the last few months. We bonded at a party of Peyton's over a few glasses of wine and ever since had been finding ways to talk to each other at work. There was an obvious attraction between the two of us. She gave me her number but explained that it be best to keep our conversations on the phone limited. Her girlfriend was a very jealous person. Of course I didn't care about her girlfriend. I, unlike Aiden didn't have any morals left._

_One night while I was about to leave I noticed Brooke's light on. I thought I would say goodnight or see if she wanted to walk out with me. The door was cracked and I was about to knock when I heard it. Moaning. I couldn't help myself. I was curious. Everyone knew Brooke was gay and had a girlfriend. But no-one knew who it was. She kept it to herself._

_I slowly and quietly pushed the door open just enough to get a good look. It made sense why she kept her girlfriend a secret._

_I didn't tell anyone what I saw that night. I knew I could use that information for later on down the road._

_I wanted revenge and I would go about it any way that I needed to. Including seducing Brooke. Ashley's girlfriend._

**Chapter 3 Struggle**

Brooke and I had danced most of the night, on and off. Peyton and Aiden joined us a few times. Chelsea had to go home because of an issue with a babysitter or something and Ashley had never come back from the bathroom. Well she did but she must have left from there. When Peyton told Brooke she had left to take care of some business, Brooke questioned it but she didn't seem upset. I had a feeling seducing Brooke and stealing her from Ashley was going to be easier than I had originally thought. Lucky me.

We took a break from dancing and ordered some drinks.

"Spence I'm beat. You ready to go?"

It was only a little after 11 and of course Aiden was ready to go. Can't take the guy anywhere.

"What, no. It's early." That was Brooke. She grabbed my hand under the table. I looked at her with an eyebrow raised. Her face turned red. It was so cute.

"I have to work in the morning." He whined.

"Actually I'm ready to go too. I'll drive him home." What? I don't know what was going on with Peyton but she definitely was up to something.

I gave Aiden a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Call me tomorrow." He said softly in my ear.

"I will."

Peyton gave Brooke a quick hug and then me.

"Behave." I said like a mother talking to her child. Sometimes I felt like Peyton's mother. Always cleaning up after her, making sure she ate and even scheduling her doctor appointments.

"Take it easy Spencer. I'm not gonna corrupt the Boy Scout. Girl scout honor." She said holding up 3 fingers. I'm guessing that was the Girl Scout salute but I wouldn't know. I was too busy with ballet for much of anything else at that age. What a waste.

"Good night Peyton." I said while shaking my head. I loved that girl but sometimes I could strangle her. No, not literally. I'm not that evil.

"Night my beautiful friends." She winked at the both of us and then was off.

Hopefully she would behave. Hopefully Aiden wouldn't be too mad at me tomorrow.

I looked away from her and back to Brooke. Her eyes were on my lips and she blushed again and looked down when I caught her.

"You want to dance some more?" I asked her. She looked back up and smiled.

After some very close, very touchy feely dancing we took a breather. Well only for a second. I had her up against the wall of the bathroom stall. My mouth was on hers in seconds.

The kiss was rough and wet and she moaned when our tongues touched. And as much as I wanted to take her right there, I didn't. I stopped and pulled her out of the bathroom and back to our table. We ordered one last round of drinks and while we waited we sat in silence.

Until…

"What the hell was that?" She asked, a mixture of confusion and hurt in her voice.

I looked over at her. Her lipstick was slightly smeared and her hair a bit disheveled. Still she looked absolutely stunning.

"Which part?"

The waitress set our drinks down and I took a long sip of mine. She didn't touch hers.

"All of it." Her voice cracked.

"That was me kissing you and then stopping because I realized it was all wrong."

"Why?"

"Why what?" I looked away and took another long drink.

"Why was it all wrong?" She asked after lifting her hand to my face and pulling me back to her gaze.

"I wasn't about to have sex with you in a bathroom stall Brooke. You're better than that. You deserve more than that." She was and she did. Even though it would have been hot, it would have been quick too. I didn't want quick. Brooke had an amazing body and I wanted to take my time with her.

She finally picked up her drink and downed it. I looked at her with wide eyes. She shrugged and grabbed her purse and then my hand. It was her turn to pull me through the crowd of people. This time it was out the door and to her car.

"We are we going?" I asked as she opened my door.

"I'm taking you home." She replied sternly.

Uh..I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing but the tone in her voice turned me on.

The entire car ride was spent in silence except for me giving her a few directions.

When we pulled up to my condo she parked the car and got out.

We walked up to my door and I turned to her.

"Are you coming in?"

"Yes, I am." Again with the stern and sexy voice.

Once inside, I directed her to the living room.

"Do you want me to make some coffee or tea? It'll just take a min-"

My words were cut off by her lips on mine but I wasn't complaining.

Brooke Davis was an amazing kisser.

I grabbed her hips and pulled her into me. My hands roamed up her back and into her hair. The kiss was much like the one before. Rough and wet. Neither of us cared. We couldn't get enough of each other.

Soon she was pushing me backwards and when my heels hit the bottom of the couch I fell into it. I tried to pull her with me but she backed away. I was confused until she lifted her hands to her shoulders and pulled the straps of her dress down. It wasn't long before it fell to the floor leaving her standing there in nothing but her strapless black bra and panties.

Oh My God!

The sight before me was enough to make me wetter than I had been in a very long time. I think I may have even moaned. I know I did when she straddled me.

Her lips found mine once again but this time it was a slower, sensual kiss. Her tongue slipped out and caressed my lip and I opened my mouth to it. Our tongues tangled, our hands wandered and our hearts raced.

I told myself time and time again that this was all about Ashley and getting revenge but it wasn't just about that. I had wanted Brooke the moment I saw her and her gorgeous dimples. I was finally going to get what I wanted and the fact that she was Ashley's girlfriend was just an added bonus.

My hands were rested on her arms and I moved them slowly around to her back. I had just reached the snap on the back of her bra when the ringing started. The ringing coming from her purse.

Damn!

"I have to get it." She said out of breath, her head rested on my forehead.

She backed off of me and walked over to her purse. The ringing stopped as she picked up her phone. The look on her face told me it was her girlfriend.

"I have to go." She said quickly. She threw her phone in her purse and grabbed her dress off the floor.

"Wait!" I didn't want her to go.

"Don't go. Please." I pleaded.

"I have to. I'm sorry Spencer. I have to go."

"She doesn't deserve you." I stood up and pulled her towards me.

"You don't know that. You don't know her."

"I don't need to know her to know she doesn't make you happy."

"And how do you know that?" She raised her voice slightly.

"You're here with me right now. Do you usually kiss other people when you're in a happy relationship?"

"We're just in a rut or something. She's an amazing woman Spencer and she doesn't deserve this."

She wiggled out of my grasp and slipped her dress back on.

She surprised me by kissing me softly and caressing my cheek.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. Good night."

And she walked out the door. I had no choice but to let her.

The next day I called Aiden and told him everything. He sounded relieved and warned me to be careful not to fall for Brooke. I liked her, I was attracted to her but besides the fact that she was just part of the ultimate plan; she really just wasn't my type. Good for a little fun but not in the long run.

Apparently Peyton was on her best behavior last night. She was normal and nice. Aiden's words. She definitely had something up her sleeve. I told him he was the one who needed to be careful.

Luckily for me Peyton took off the weekends unless greatly needed. Which meant I got to take off weekends as well. I caught up on some much needed sleep and visited my mother.

A year after the accident she was transferred to a hospital that specialized in her disease and was beginning to show a little progress. I was shocked when my uncle paid to have her brought there. He was very wealthy and had the means to do it but he was a very cruel man and made it known that he couldn't care less what happened to my mother. A few months after she was moved he left a note, money and a set of keys and disappeared to the unknown. Another very peculiar move on his part. I didn't care to know the reasons. I was just glad he was gone.

Monday morning came fast and I rolled out of bed at 5 a.m. After a quick stop for coffee I headed to the magazine. I was always one of the first there and last to leave. It wasn't just about Peyton. It was the sad work ethic I was taught. Work hard, work harder, work hardest. My uncle was to blame. Never a moments rest. Rest was for the weak.

Opening the door to the office I was met with a surprise. A small gasp left my mouth and I nearly spilled the hot drinks all over myself.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

Ashley.

She was sitting at my desk. In my chair. Playing with my paper clips.

I walked in slowly re-adjusting the cups in my hands while trying to keep my bag on my shoulder.

"Do you need some help?" She asked while letting out a small laugh.

"No, I have it." I replied quickly. I didn't want her anywhere near me and I was a little worried as to why she was at my desk. In my chair. Playing with my paper clips. Did she know about the other night? What did Brooke tell her?

I eyed my desk and stood there awkwardly.

"Oh, sorry." She quickly stood up.

I took in what she was wearing.

As always the shortest of short dress skirts. It was black and she was wearing a red spaghetti strap blouse. Her black heels clicked across the floor as she walked to the other side of the room.

Her unruly hair was up today and I couldn't help but notice her slender neck and the necklace that hung from it. It was the same necklace she wore every day. The same necklace she was wearing that night. I remember it dangling from her as she hung over me that night. It was a small, silver, heart shaped locket.

I set the coffees down on my desk and my bag on the floor. Once I sat down I noticed a rather large necklace made of paper clips. I looked down at it and then up at Ashley.

"Sorry, I was here for a while. I got bored."

"Is there something I can help you with?" I asked almost before she was even finished.

"Peyton told me to meet her here at 8. She wanted me to look over some prints with her."

It was times like this when I swore she remembered who I was. She seemed nervous and had a hard time making eye contact with me.

"Peyton is never here at 8. In fact, she usually doesn't get in til 10 on Monday's."

"Oh." Was all she said.

"She has always been the slacker of the group. Even back in high school. It's a good thing she has you."

This time she did look at me. Her brown eyes bored into mine and I silently gulped.

The sound of her voice at times sent shivers down my spine. Especially when directed at me. I was taken back to that night. Flashes of her. Flashes of her eyes looking down at me and her lips as she spoke. I almost felt the warmth that her hand had created in mine.

"I can just come back later." She pointed towards the door.

I must have been staring at her and freaked her out. She must have known that I knew. Right?

"Ya know I have things to do so just have Peyton give me a ring when she's ready." She started walking towards the door.

"Would you like me to get you the prints? You can go over them first and get an idea." I don't know why, but I didn't want her to leave just yet. As awkward and unsettling as it was to be around her; I felt a need to be.

"Yeah, actually that would be great." She replied with a smile.

I looked away from her gorgeous smile and grabbed my keys from my bag.

As I slid the key into Peyton's office door I could feel her presence behind me. She was close. Too close for my liking.

I hurriedly opened the door and walked straight to Peyton's desk.

"Wow!" I looked back at a wide eyed Ashley.

"This is NOT Peyton's office." She exclaimed.

"Too clean and organized?" I questioned though I knew the answer.

"Uh ..yeah you could say that." I watched as she walked over to the pictures by the window and picked one up. Her fingers traced the faces of the three of them from back in high school. She sighed and set the frame back on the table.

I found the prints in a neat stack in the middle of her desk. Seems as though she did plan on going over them first thing. I was so proud of my boss and my friend. It took 2 years but finally I had her trained. Her office was spotless and overly organized and I hadn't touched it in weeks.

"I think I might have to steal you." I faintly heard her say.

"Huh?" Did she just say….what?

"I might have to steal you from Peyton. You are an amazing assistant." She was looking directly at me and I had to look away.

I grabbed the stack and held it out to her.

"The prints."

"Thanks."

We were back to having an awkward staring contest and soon the prints were scattered about the floor.

"Oh shit." I blurted out and kneeled down to pick them up.

Ashley joined me, apologizing over and over.

Suddenly our hands touched and that familiar feeling came back to me. I felt it that night. I felt it when we shook hands when we were first introduced.

I jerked my hand back and she looked at me strangely.

"Are you alright Spencer?"

No. I wasn't alright. I was flipping the fuck out. I stood up and walked briskly out of the office and into the bathroom.

I needed to get it together. I couldn't let this insane attraction to Ashley get in the way of my plans for her. Yes, you heard me right. I was attracted to her. I was attracted to her smile and her laugh and her perfect legs and that slender neck.

And I was attracted to her voice and her eyes and her touch. I just couldn't escape that night. Even though she was the one who ran me down, she also made me feel safe that night. She made me feel as though everything was going to be alright. Even for just those mere minutes she was by my side. I thought about that Ashley a lot. But then I would see the scars on my leg and abdomen or visit my mother in the hospital and I was forced to see the other Ashley. The one that drove drunk, ran someone down and left them in the street. I would see the Ashley that ruined my life. The anger would come back whether I wanted it to or not. And the only thing left on my mind was making her pay.

"Everything okay?" She asked as I came out of the bathroom.

"Yes. Everything is fine."

"You sure?" I didn't know if she was concerned or curious but I didn't like the questioning either way.

My phone started ringing on my desk and I silently thanked God for the interruption.

"Excuse me."

I walked over to my desk and picked up my phone. It was Peyton.

"Good morning Peyton."

"Uggghhh, there is nothing good about this morning. I'm not gonna make it in Spence. Not feeling the be-" Her words were cut off by the need to empty her stomach's contents into the toilet I presume.

"Awe sweetie. That's fine. Just stay home and get better. I'll stop by later to check on you."

"Thanks Spence. Hey I need you get with Ashley and go over those prints. I'm sure Ash would do just fine but I want your opinion considered before the decision is made."

"Are you sure? This is a very important layout, enough for you to ask for Ashley's help. Why would you trust me with this?"

I looked over prints with Peyton all of the time but in the end she would always go against my opinion.

"Yes, I'm sure. I trust your judgment. You have a good eye Spence. I'm sure with Ashley's help you both will make the best decision. I circled the prints that I liked. Go from there."

"Okay." I can't believe she trusted me with this.

"Alright. Get to work. I'm dying so I'm gonna go back to bed and die comfortable."

"Well I'll be by later so please don't." I said while laughing.

I hung up with Peyton and looked at a waiting and confused Ashley.

After explaining to her the situation she asked me to meet her in her office in an hour. I walked into her office at 9:30 sharp and was greeted by her assistant Carmen.

"She's expecting you, go on in." She said while typing something on her computer with a phone squeezed between her ear and shoulder. Seems Ashley kept her busy as well.

I knocked before opening the door and found her at a table in front of her desk.

"Come and have a seat and we'll get started." She said without looking up.

I took a deep breath and slowly walked over and sat down. I didn't want to sit too close but I knew I would have to if I wanted a good look at the prints.

"You can move closer. I won't bite…I promise." She was looking directly into my eyes and I could feel my heart beat faster.

"So did you find the prints that Peyton circled?" I interrupted.

"Uh yeah." She looked away thankfully and handed me a few sheets.

We went over the prints for nearly 2 hours before we finally made a decision. It was actually pretty easy. We agreed on almost everything.

I found myself staring at her as she separated the prints and put them in an envelope.

"That's a beautiful locket Ashley. Who's inside?" I had always been curious. Today my curiosity got the best of me.

"Oh thanks. It's of my mom and sister." She opened the locket and in it was a picture of her mother holding a baby.

"You have a sister?" I never knew that.

"Yeah, she lives in Paris with my grandparents." She stared at the locket intently before shutting it and holding it between her fingers.

"My mom died a couple hours after giving birth to her. This was the last picture of her."

Oh wow. I hadn't known that either. I knew her mother was dead but I didn't know the circumstances.

"My father sent my sister to live with my grandparents because he couldn't bear to look at her every day. He blamed her for my mother's death."

She looked down and a tear fell from her eye.

"I'm so sorry Ashley. That had to have been horrible." I actually felt bad for her. She had lost her mother and even her sister. She knew what it was like to lose your family.

I looked away from her and closed my eyes. Was I doing the right thing by going after her?

Her phone rang and she excused herself. She answered and then opened the door to the balcony and slipped out it.

Curiosity got the best of me again and I quietly moved closer to the door.

I only heard bits and pieces.

I know, I'm sorry.

I'll talk to her okay.

Things won't always be this way. You won't always have to be a secret.

Was she talking to Brooke? Was she having an affair?

She started wrapping up the conversation so I scurried back over to my chair.

"Sorry about that." She set her phone down on her desk.

"Would you like to get some lunch..with me? I usually eat with Brooke but she's in a meeting."

She definitely was not talking to Brooke. Another woman then?

Whether or not I was right about going after Ashley I wanted to get closer to her. I wanted to get to know her. I wanted to learn everything about her. I needed to befriend her. This was vital for my plans.

"Yeah sure. Sounds good."

"Alright then. I am going to go personally drop off this envelope. Unlike Peyton I don't really trust my assistant."

She left and I wandered over to her desk. My eyes found her phone and there was that curiosity again. I picked it up and looked for the last call.

What I found was shocking to say the least.

The last call was from Penelope Clarke. The editor for New York Woman. B. Davis Magazine's top competitor.

I set the phone down and walked back over to the couch.

Not only did it sound like Ashley was cheating on Brooke. She was cheating on her with Penelope Clark. She was sharing a bed with her. What else was she sharing with her?

For the last few months information from inside this building was being leaked to our competitor. Was Ashley the leak? How could she do that to her best friends?

"You ready Spencer?" Ashley asked walking back in and grabbing her coat and purse.

"Yeah I'm ready."

Ashley's affair and maybe even betrayl was going to fit so well into my plans. Yes the anger was back… and the question was no longer whether or not going after Ashley was right. The question was how far was I willing to go to take her down.

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_**Review if you wish. Share your thoughts.**_

_**BTW, if you were following me (OhSparklyOne) on twitter I switched my account. You can now find me under 1Sparkles04.**_


	4. Chapter 4 Progress

_**Thanks to all who read and reviewed. I am trying my best to get these updates to you as soon as I possibly can. I have a lot going on and even more going on up in my head so please bear with me :)**_

BrownEyez44- Spence is definitely acting bi-polar. Lol. She is struggling with hating Ashley for obvious reasons. All of your questions will be answered when the time comes. I am not giving anything away. Just trust that you will be surprised more than once.

waterproof88- Ashley will remain a mystery for a little while longer. Did she or didn't she? Hmmm.

PurpleLover92- OMG to your honesty. Lol.

prissy020304- Ashley, Ashley, Ashley...hmmmm?

drunkb4dark- Thank you. I know I have set up quite the challenge for myself. Fuuuuck! Lol

Sgarc12- Lol. If you didn't like the phone interruption then you probably hated the ending here. Hahaha sorry :(

gmastrosan - Thank you, thank you and thank you :)

bmbailey03- Lol. Well I do love me some OTH but I have some friends who are OBSESSED with Brooke Davis so this is my present to them. Haha. Glad you are excited! Thanks.

lilce1992- Well thank you for sharing your thoughts. Are you correct? I'll never tell. Lol. I do promise lots of surprises! :)

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I don't own any of these amazing characters. I only own my words.

_**Chapter 4- Progress**_

I was having lunch with Ashley Davies. Just saying that in my head was weird, awkward. Our menus were plopped in front of our faces and I almost wished we could eat like that too. I was having a hard time looking at her.

I always did.

The two Ashleys I saw when I looked at her were battling with me like an angel and a devil on my shoulders. Both pleading their cases, both pleading with me to understand, both wanting me to choose.

"Are you ready to order?" The waitress was back and I looked at the menu in front of me realizing I was so lost in thought I hadn't even given it a glance.

"I'm ready. What about you Spencer?"

I really wished she wouldn't say my name. It was hard enough to deal with those eyes when they made contact with mine.

"Uh actually ..yes. I'll have a bowl of the won ton soup and an order of the chicken lettuce wraps." I handed the waitress my menu and noticed Ashley staring out of the corner of my eye.

"I will have the same." She said while handing the waitress her menu.

I had no choice but to look her way. Her chocolate brown eyes were on me and I couldn't quite read her expression.

What was going on in that head of hers?

She looked away to unravel her cloth napkin and place it on her lap and I did the same.

"So Spencer, how do you like working for the magazine?"

Oh great, small talk.

What did I expect?

Uh, how about… I know what you did 8 summers ago. Well technically it was spring but whose keeping track? Right, I was.

"I love it. It keeps me busy and I like to be busy." Keeping me busy kept me from going completely insane. I know this revenge business was teetering on the brink of insanity but I didn't care. What did I have to lose? Nothing. Everything I loved was taken from me.

"Well thank God for you. Peyton was a mess before you became her assistant. I honestly don't know how she got anything done with the way that office looked." She chuckled and I wished I didn't like the sound of it so much.

Damn it!

"Peyton is great at her job. She just needed someone to help her out with her organizational skills. I'm good at that. Too good." I sighed and took a sip of my water.

"I noticed." She took a sip of her iced tea. "Have you always been so….neat?"

"No." I replied with a laugh. "That took years of training."

Our soup came at the perfect time. Talking about my uncle's strict ways was not something I wanted to do. It would only fuel the fire within me.

I blamed Ashley for him too of course. My uncle. He only took me in because the state called him and he didn't want to look bad. He was a well-respected business man who owned several companies. To this day I still could not tell you what any of them were. It was none of my business. At least that is what I was told. When I moved into my uncle's $15,000,000 condo on the upper west side of Manhattan I learned to become the perfect little house guest. Even though there was a rather large staff to attend to the condo and its inhabitants, it was my responsibility to clean up after myself.

"My staff works for me, not you." My uncle would say to me on a daily basis.

I was fine with that. I was always taught to clean up after myself. What he expected though, was extreme to say the least.

If my bed wasn't made with the utmost precision, I would sleep without a blanket or pillow for days. If my private bathroom had a spot in it, I would have to scrub until every inch of my body ached. I was allowed the pleasure of having the chef cook my meals but once I had made the mistake of not taking care of my dishes and I wasn't allowed to eat at home for a week. Many of the staff would try to sneak me food, or help me clean up but a few were caught and fired and after that the only one that would dare help me was Martha. Martha had been with my uncle for years and could at times keep him in check. She was an older woman, probably in her 60's and had become sort of a surrogate mother to me. Then one day she was gone. Left a note to say she was no longer allowed on the premises and that was that.

I'll always wonder what happened to Martha and why she never contacted me after all these years.

So yeah, my uncle was cruel and strict and I was so relieved when he left. My life could finally start. Of course to this day I am the neatest, cleanest and most organized person I know. I tried not to be but when it's imbedded into your brain every day for 3 years it becomes habitual and well... I do it out of fear.

"Spencer?...Spencer?"

"Huh?"

I was so engrossed in my thoughts of the past when I heard my name. I almost forgot I was having lunch with Ashley. My bowl of soup was gone and in front of me was my chicken lettuce wraps.

"Sorry, I was just thinking. I didn't mean to space out on you."

I adjusted the cloth napkin on my lap and then took a sip of my water.

"It's okay. Is everything alright? You looked upset." Her questioning look was gone and now she showed one of concern. I wanted to tell her not to look at me like that.

"Yes, sorry. Just lost in thought. How are the lettuce wraps?" I asked as she took a bite.

"Amazing as always." She said while taking another bite.

We ate our lunch in almost silence, only talking about work related stuff on occasion. I didn't want to bring up my uncle but he was in my head now and I couldn't help but feel a little anger creep up on me. I shoved it down as far as it could go and mustered up a smile every now and then.

For a little while I had forgotten about everything. I was just having lunch with a co-worker. Until…

"I'm sorry about before, in my office. I didn't mean to get all emotional on you."

Was she seriously apologizing for that?

"It's okay Ashley." It felt just as weird saying her name as it did hearing mine come from her lips.

"I asked. I'm just sorry I brought up sad memories." I was sorry. I do actually have a beating heart inside of me. It's just that it's been broken so many times that it no longer beats the way others do.

"No, don't be sorry. I try to think of the good memories when I think of my mother. I miss her but she's still here with me. I have to believe that." She held the locket between her fingers again. It was obvious how much it meant to her.

After the awkward lunch was over we headed back to work and I didn't see her for the rest of the day. I was happy and well, oddly sad about that.

I left work earlier than normal considering Peyton wasn't there to create more unnecessary work for me. I called Aiden and we made plans for dinner. I was going to his place and his girlfriend was going to make a nice meal for all of us. On my way home however, I got a call from one of my mother's doctors. She was asking for me. That was a great sign. I hailed a cab and was off to see her.

When I walked into her room she looked normal. She was in her chair that was placed in front of the window. Still as can be and eyes empty as she always looked. I kneeled down in front of her and reached for her hands. She gave them a small squeeze. I thought about Ashley in that moment. I shook my head to try to shake her from my thoughts but it all came back to one thing. At least I could still sit here and hold my mother's hands. At least she was here, even if only in body.

"Hey mom. I heard you asked for me today." I waited for something, anything.

Nothing.

"I just talked to your doctor. He says you showed great progress today."

Nothing.

The gentle breeze from the window swept through her hair and I reached up to push some out of her eyes. I let my hand linger on her cheek.

"Mom, I'm here. Talk to me."

Nothing.

I leaned over and put my head in her lap.

"Mom, please. Please talk to me." The emotions that I kept pushing down were begging to be let up and out. A tear fell from my eye and I let it go.

"Please come back to me." I whispered and let out a small sob.

Nothing.

I don't know how long I sat there with my head in my mother's lap.

Waiting, wishing, wondering.

I was so excited on the way over. My mother had actually said my name out loud. The doctor's thought that was her way of asking for me.

I was about to sit up when I felt her hand rest on my head. It startled me at first.

"Mom?" I cried out while sitting up and reaching out for her.

"Spencer?" She replied. She wasn't looking at me. Her eyes were still on the window.

"Mom, I'm here. I'm right here." I took her face in my hands as I repeated over and over again. "I'm here mom."

And for just a brief moment she looked at me. Her eyes met mine and really 'looked' at me.

"Spencer." She repeated. Only this time it didn't seem like a question, or a request for my presence.

This time it seemed like an acknowledgement. She knew I was there. She was happy I was there.

"Yes, it's me. I'm here. I love you mom."

She gave my hand another gentle squeeze and then the moment was gone as quickly as it appeared.

I sighed and sat there for another 20 minutes trying to get another response from her but again…

Nothing.

I left the room to call Aiden and tell him to start dinner without me. I wasn't ready to leave just yet. I couldn't have been gone for more than 15 minutes. When I returned I noticed them right away, a fresh bouquet of flowers sitting on the table next to the window. I moved closer and retrieved the card.

"_It's the constant and determined effort that breaks down all resistance and sweeps away all obstacles_." Keep fighting the fight. – Anne

Anne? Who was Anne? Hmmm.

I grabbed a chair and pulled it next to my mother. For a while I just sat there in silence.

"It's such a beautiful evening don't you think?" I grabbed her hand and held it in mine.

"Would you like to go for a walk? I can grab the wheelchair?" I knew she wasn't going to answer me. I just wanted her to know I was still there. Just in case.

I walked out to the hallway and found one of her nurses.

"I'm going to take my mother outside. It's so nice out."

She nodded and I went to the corner to grab a wheelchair.

As I passed by the nurse's station the question popped up again. Who was Anne?

"Beverly, do you know who Anne is?" I asked my mother's nurse.

"I sure do. She stops by here almost every week and spends a short time with your mother."

"I've never seen her or heard about her until today. Was she here today?"

Beverly looked at me clearly confused about something.

"She was just here about a half hour ago. She didn't come into the room?"

"I left the room to use my phone. When I came back there were flowers on the table."

She grabbed the sign-in form and looked over it.

"She was only here for …9 minutes. Signed in at 7:14 and out at 7:23. That's strange. She usually stays for at least an hour and always brings such lovely flowers. The card always says the same thing I noticed. Something about determined effort and sweeping away all obstacles. She's a very sweet lady."

"Did she say how she knows my mother?"

"Yes, from what she says she shared a room with her at Belleview for a short time when your mother was there."

Belleview was the mental hospital my mother was first sent to. I didn't get to visit her much back then. My uncle only allowed me monthly visits. I was young and when we visited I never paid much attention to her surroundings. I know she had a roommate but she was never in the room when I was. I only recall pictures of family. Lots of pictures.

"Well I'm glad to see that someone else cares about my mother's well-being. Thanks."

By the time I had taken my mother for a walk and got her settled back in it was nearly 9 o'clock. Aiden made me promise that I would stop by anyway. They had saved a plate for me.

I had a nice re-warmed meal and we chatted for some time. Around midnight I finally made my way home. When I opened the door I was met with a surprise.

I didn't know how she got in my house. What was she doing here?

I sat down on the side of the couch and stroked her hair. She moved slightly and opened her eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

She opened her eyes and I noticed right away that they were bloodshot.

She had been crying.

She sat up and pulled me into a kiss.

"I need you tonight."

It had been a long, crazy and emotional day.

"I need you too." I rested my forehead on hers and let out a sigh.

I sat back onto the couch and she slid on top of me. Her kisses were full of passion and desperation.

If I had any second thoughts about my plans to take her from Ashley they all went out the window the moment she stood up, held out her hand and said. "I need you so much Spence. Just you. Please make love to me."

In that moment it was clear.

She no-longer belonged to Ashley.

Step 1 ….Complete.

* * *

_**Reviews feed me inspiration..inspiration feeds my imagination. Yada yada yada.**_

_**Share your thoughts if you wish.**_


	5. Chapter 5 Change of Plans

**Thanks to all who read and reviewed. I truly do appreciate it.**

**drunkb4dark- Balls to the wall indeed!**

**PurpleLover92- Brooke loving..just for you.**

**SlowMo- Thanks for the review. I always enjoy honesty and respect others opinions. I do hope you stick around and read til the end. (Team Ashley) Lol**

**lilce1992- You will defintely find out more in this chapter.**

**waterproof88- I don't mind the Brooke and Spencer coupling because it is just temporary. You may not want to read the first part of this chapter. Lol.**

**Sgarc12- I hope I more than made up for ending the last chap the way I did ;)**

**BrownEyez44- I hope you enjoy the first part of the chapter :) You will get some answers in this chap.**

**Judelltar- You will get some answers in this chap. Enjoy!**

**idwalkthroughhell4u- Lol. A few things will be answered in this chap. Enjoy!**

_**I don't own the characters. Just the story.**_

_This Chapter is_**Rated M**_ for Mature._

**Chapter 5- Change of Plans**

_I sat down on the side of the couch and stroked_ her_ hair. She moved slightly and opened her eyes._

_"What are you doing here?"_

_She opened her eyes and I noticed right away that they were bloodshot._

_She had been crying._

_She sat up and pulled me into a kiss._

_"I need you tonight."_

_It had been a long, crazy and emotional day._

_"I need you too." I rested my forehead on hers and let out a sigh._

_I sat back onto the couch and she slid on top of me. Her kisses were full of passion and desperation._

_If I had any second thoughts about my plans to take her from Ashley they all went out the window the moment she stood up, held out her hand and said. "I need you so much Spence. Just you. Please make love to me."_

_In that moment it was clear._

_She no-longer belonged to Ashley._

_Step 1 ….Complete_.

She held her hand out and I slid mine into hers without hesitation. Her eyes bore into mine and I could see the sadness in them.

"Come here." I said while pulling her back down to me.

She sat sideways on my lap looking confused. I reached my hand up to caress her cheek and she closed her eyes and leaned into it.

My lips met hers with a soft kiss and she tried to further it but I pulled back.

"You don't want to be with me?" Her raspy voice questioned.

"I do Brooke. Very much. It's just.." She didn't let me finish before she tried to wiggle out of my grasp.

"Brooke wait."

Her sad eyes looked back at me once again. I could see everything in them at once. Confusion, rejection, dejection with a hint of anger.

"Brooke, what about her? Your girlfriend."

"Ex-girlfriend." She said quickly, nearly cutting me off.

"Ex-girlfriend?" It was obvious she was upset and now I knew exactly why.

She nodded and looked away briefly.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

"I don't want to talk about it right now. I just want you. I want to be with you."

Her voice trembled as she spoke and it broke my heart a little.

She slid back onto my lap and lifted her shirt over her head.

Gulp.

She wasn't wearing a bra and I couldn't take my eyes off of her bare chest. She was so beautiful.

I pried my eyes off of her perfect breast and held her face in my hands.

"Brooke, I know I said she didn't deserve you. But honestly I don't either. I am a horrible person." Yes, I chose this moment for my conscious to finally speak up. Believe me; I wasn't happy about it either.

"Don't say that Spencer. You are an amazing woman. I know exactly who you are and you are far from horrible."

"No, you don't know me. You only know what I have told you which wasn't a lot."

She re-adjusted herself in my lap and ran a hand through my hair.

"I know you have secrets Spence. I know that there is some unknown anger inside of you. But I know what's in here too." She pressed a finger to my chest.

"I know you have a good heart and I know you care about me. That's all I need to know."

She leaned in to kiss me and I pushed her back again.

"Brooke, I need to tell.." My mouth was covered by her hand and she shook her head.

"Stop. I'm not asking you to marry me or go steady Spence. I just want …"

She grabbed my hands and placed them on her breast.

"..this."

Her breast felt so good in my hands..

Why was I pushing her away?

Why wasn't I kissing her?

"I just want to forget and be here with you. I've wanted this for weeks Spencer."

"Don't push me away." She whispered. Fuck her voice was so sexy.

She leaned down again and this time I didn't stop her when she pressed her lips to mine. My hands left her breast but only to grab her by the ass and pull her into me. She moaned into our kiss and I bit down on her bottom lip. Slowly she started rocking into me and each time our centers came close to touching she would moan again. I was getting so wet just from the sounds coming from her mouth.

I flipped us so that she was lying on the couch and then slid on top of her. Her legs opened and my knee came in contact with her center eliciting another moan. She threw her head back and I latched my mouth onto her neck. I took my time there licking, sucking and nipping. The way she was moaning now made me curious and excited to hear what she sounded like when I had my mouth on something much lower. So down I went. I wrapped my lips around her nipple and her body jerked. My tongue slipped out and circled the stiff bud before biting down gently and then sucking it back into my mouth. I paid much attention to both perfectly round breasts before running my tongue slowly down her stomach, back up between them and onto her neck. She started rocking herself up into me while her hands found the back of my shirt and lifted it over my head. I stopped momentarily so she could unhook my bra. Once it was rid from my body I leaned down and softly pressed our breast together. This time it was me who moaned and she lifted her head up and kissed me hard.

She pulled away while her free hand crept up my stomach and cupped a breast. Her eyes were on me and they were so dark and hungry. Her fingers rubbed the nipple until it hardened. I sat up on my knees and pulled her with me and she wasted no time taking that hard nipple into her mouth. Her eyes never left mine and she licked and sucked on each one and I could feel myself flooding with desire for her.

I pushed her back down and reached for the button to her jeans. Her pants were off of her in seconds and her panties came off even faster. Her legs parted and I could see how much she wanted me. I couldn't wait to taste her. I lowered myself between her legs and I could instantly smell her and it made me that more hungry.

"Please." The strained request came from Brooke's mouth. Her eyes were looking down at me. Begging and pleading. So desperate.

I slowly dipped my tongue into her wetness and swept it up her clit and then back down. The taste so sweet and almost intoxicating, I wanted more. My tongue took on a mind of its own as it plunged into her.

"Fuck Spencer." It was muffled and I looked up to see her face covered by a throw pillow.

I stopped and slid back up her body. Slipping my tongue out on the way up. Her skin was slick and sweaty and on fire. Once I reached her neck she tossed the pillow aside and her eyes met mine.

"Are you okay?" I said before placing a soft kiss on her cheek and then her forehead.

"Yeah." She said out of breath.

"Stay up here with me." It was more of a desperate request than a command.

"I will." I kissed her gently and she ran her hands through my hair.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

She sighed and took my face in her hands.

"Yes, now will you please fuck me?"

Uh, wha.. hell yes!

Slowly I dragged my hand down her, softly scraping her warm skin along the way.

I slid to the side of the couch so I could get a better angle and she turned towards me. Once we were both comfortable I parted her legs and entered her without hesitation. She gasped and tensed up but once I got into a steady rhythm she relaxed. My thrusts were slow at first. Pulling out and then sliding back in almost torturously slow. Her hand was behind my neck pulling me into her as she moaned into my mouth between kisses. She was loud and demanding and I found that so fucking hot. I added another finger and quickened my pace. I had never heard so many cuss words come out of the mouth of a lady. She had lost all control of herself. A few more thrusts were all it took. I felt her tighten around my fingers as her head flew back. Her mouth opened but nothing came out as the orgasm ripped through her.

I waited for her body to stop convulsing and her breathing to go back to normal before I removed my fingers from her. I took each finger into my mouth, taking in the sweetness that was Brooke.

"That was so perfect. Exactly what I needed." She said in a voice much raspier than normal.

Her lips met mine for a gentle kiss but then she deepened it quickly and forced her tongue into my mouth. She moaned into the kiss and I could only assume she could taste herself on my tongue. We kissed and our hands roamed all over our sweaty bodies. When a hand slid into my panties I jerked and accidently pushed her off of the couch. We both laughed. I stood up and tugged her back up to me.

"Why don't we take this into the bedroom?" I said and she nodded.

She laid down in my bed and put her hands behind her head while I removed my jeans and panties. The moonlight peaked through the curtains and the sight of Brooke Davis in all her glory, in my bed, excited me to no end. It was so hot in the condo even with the air conditioning on. Her beautiful body glistened and I felt a little sweaty myself.

"I'm going to get a glass of ice water. Would you like one?"

She smiled. "I'll just share yours."

"Okay, I'll be right back." I walked to the door but then turned around before I got to it.

"Don't go anywhere." I pointed at her and she chuckled.

I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and then the tray of ice. Ice… oh what I could do with ice. I smiled to myself as the images played out in my head. I emptied nearly the entire tray into the glass until it was full and then added a little water. I refilled the tray, grabbed the water and headed back to my room.

You have got to be kidding me.

She was lying on her side, her hands clutching the sheets.

And she was asleep.

So much for the ice.

I didn't have the heart to wake her. She had had such an emotional night. I covered her with a sheet and slid into the other side of the bed.

I woke up when the alarm went off….to an empty bed.

She was gone.

I got ready, headed out to the living room and sat down on the couch. Every trace of her was gone..well except for her scent that lingered on the couch and pillows.

Suddenly it felt like _I _was the one that had been used.

After visiting a still very ill Peyton I made my way into the office.

It was going to be an interesting day.

With Peyton out I was going to be doing her job once again. Doing her job meant spending more time with Brooke and also Ashley.

Awkward would now be an understatement.

Luckily I made it into Peyton's office without running into either brunette. I sat down and right away started on the notes my sick boss had given me. Lunch came fast and just as I was about to head out the phone rang. The screen told me extension 200 was calling. Brooke.

"Hello." I answered casually.

"Hey Spencer. I need you to stop by my office before you head to lunch." Her voice was steady and very business-like. Brooke was always all about business when at the magazine so this didn't surprise me.

"Sure. I'll be there in a minute."

I hung up and headed to her office. The door was partially open so I knocked and then poked my head in.

"Come on in." She said from behind her desk. "And close the door."

Her tone made me scared and excited at the same time.

I shut the door and turned around as she stood up and started walking towards me. She stopped a few feet in front of me. Her hands found her hips and she looked down at the floor momentarily.

"I'm sorry about last night." Her eyes met mine and I could see she was sincere.

"For which part?" I replied. I was still a little angry that I woke up alone.

"All of it. For just showing up at your place, for throwing myself at you, for falling asleep…. for just leaving like that."

"Then why did you? Why'd you leave?" I wasn't really angry anymore at this point. I just wanted answers.

"I was embarrassed Spencer. I was so upset and came over to your place and threw myself at you. And then ..the sex and.." She sat down on one of the chairs in front of her desk and put her head in her hands.

"Do you regret it?" I asked as I sat down next to her.

She looked up at right into my eyes. Her own were holding tears.

"No, I don't. I like spending time with you and last night you were amazing. I just wish I wouldn't have fallen asleep on you. I feel horrible for that."

She slid her hand into mine and gave me a small smile. Just enough for those dimples to show and I realized how weak I was for them.

When I didn't say anything she cleared her throat and continued.

"Why don't we get together again and pick up where we left off?" Was she propositioning me?

Her hand left mine and was suddenly on my leg. The look in her eyes much like what I saw in them last night.

She was definitely propositioning me and I was perfectly okay with that.

"Are you going to say something?"

"Uh, yeah that sounds good, great. I would love to." Smooth Spence.

Being around Brooke sometimes made me nervous. I lost all train of thought. I should just leave her alone now that she is no longer with Ashley. But I can't. I'm too attracted to her and she knows that. That and she was fun to be around.

"Good." She purred into my ear. "Can't wait."

She turned my face towards me and kissed me gently. I tried to deepen the kiss but was interrupted by her phone..again.

"I have to get that." She explained. I just nodded.

"Yes…let her in." She hung up the phone just as the door opened.

Ashley.

Uh oh.

"Hey." Ashley said poking her head in. She noticed me right away and gave me a half smile which surprised me.

"Afternoon Spencer."

"Good afternoon." I replied.

"Are you ready?" She asked Brooke.

Ready for what?

"Yeah just give me a sec."

"Sure." Ashley responded.

She closed the door and Brooke walked over and pulled me up to my feet.

"I'll call you tonight so we can work something out. Okay?"

"Okay."

She kissed me again and then walked me to the door.

"Oh, I'm calling a meeting at 3. I need you there."

"I'll be there. Have a good lunch." I assumed that was why Ashley was there. They had lunch together almost every day. I was surprised they were still going together today.

"Thanks. You too."

I walked out of the office and passed a waiting Ashley. She gave me that half smile again and I wondered what that was about. It was obvious she didn't know anything about what happened last night.

I wanted her to know.

Or did I?

Yes, I wanted her to know.

But I loved working at the magazine. And Ashley was the owner of the magazine. She could fire me if she wanted.

I wanted her to know.

But she couldn't.

It was enough for me that she had lost Brooke.

I stepped into the elevator with the image of Ashley's smile still in my head. She was a mystery to me. What did she remember about the accident? Did she remember anything? What was going through her head when she saw me?

"Hold the door please." I didn't know where it was coming from but I held out my hand in front of the door.

"Thanks" It was Carmen. Ashley's assistant. Although I had been working on the same floor with her and sat in every meeting with her for the last two years, Carmen and I didn't really know each other. We didn't even really talk. We were both very busy women. Our bosses kept us busy. And honestly I didn't mind it like that. I didn't want to socialize with anyone. I socialized only when I had to. It took me 2 years to get in good with 2 of the 3 women running this magazine. I didn't have time for people like Carmen.

The elevator ride down from the 34th floor was silent. We picked up a few more people and by the time we reached the main floor it was packed.

I stepped out of the elevator and Carmen started walking alongside me.

"So Brooke huh?"

"Excuse me?"

"You and Brooke. Impressive." I looked over and she wiggled her eye brows at me.

"I don't know what you mean." I lied.

"It's alright. I'm not going to say anything."

I ignored her and kept walking. Once outside I made a left and headed for my favorite restaurant. Aiden was meeting me there.

"I overheard them talking about it this morning. Brooke and Ashley."

"Talking about what?" I snapped.

"You… and…. Brooke. Ya know..the sex.. last night."

I whipped around and faced her.

"You don't know what you're talking about. You misunderstood. So stay out of it."

Who the hell did she think she was? It was none of her damn business.

"Oh I am pretty sure I didn't misunderstand. But no worries Spencer. You're secret is safe with me."

"Then why are you talking about it. Leave me alone."

She sure had a lot of nerve.

"Just thought I would warn you to be careful. Brooke and her girlfriend break up at least 3 times a year. They always end up back together. Wouldn't want to see you get hurt."

"And how do you know all of this?"

"I have been around here a little longer than you Blondie. I hear things and I've seen things."

And so have I.

In fact I remember hearing Ashley say that she didn't trust her assistant.

"Look if you don't believe me ask Ashley. She experienced it firsthand."

"What do you mean by that?"

I stopped walking and turned to face her.

"She hooked up with Brooke during the last break up."

Wait what?

"Wait a minute. What did you say?"

She laughed and shook her head.

"Last year Brooke and her girlfriend broke up for like the 20th time and she and Ashley had sex, right there in her office. I heard all about it the next day when Brooke came to apologize and tell Ashley it could never happen again."

Oh no. No. No. No.

Was I wrong the entire time? Was Carmen telling the truth? Brooke and Ashley weren't a couple? What I saw was just a one-time thing and I just assumed they were together?

No. This was not happening.

I sat down on a chair on the restaurant patio. I just couldn't process everything going through my head.

"What's going on in that head of yours Blondie? I'm sorry if I bursted your little Brooke Bubble but it's true. She's just using you until she goes back to her girlfriend."

"Can you leave please?" She was two seconds away from being kicked in the shin.

"Calm down Blond…"

"Leave. Now." I snapped at her.

She snickered and then turned around and walked away.

"Have a nice lunch." She said with a wave without turning around.

Well this isn't good. What now?

"Hey gorgeous. Can I buy you a drink?"

"Sure. You can by my entire lunch if you'd like." I mustered up a smile for my best friend. He pulled me up to my feet and gave me a bear hug.

"You okay?"

"Oh I've been better. We'll talk about it during the 4 course meal you are buying me. I'm starving."

"Good thing you're not my girlfriend. I'd be broke." He put his arm around me and pulled me close.

"Let's go."

Over lunch I explained everything. And of course he said the same thing he had been saying for weeks.

"Let it go Spence. Just let it go."

And I said that same thing back.

"I can't do that Aiden. I've tried. That night has played over and over again in my head for the last eight years. I can't escape it. I relive it every night in my dreams. I relive everything. Including the pain. I don't understand why, I just do. So I can't just let this go."

"Maybe it's time you confronted Ashley." Easier said than done. I tried once. My plan was to just walk up to her and punch her. I know, not a very good plan.

"I don't even know if she remembers that night."

Sometimes she would give me this look and the look said she knew. Other times it was as if she was oblivious to everything. Like she hadn't met me until the day we were introduced at work.

"You don't think she would remember a night where she hit someone? I think she remembers Spence. She may not remember you or the details but I'm sure she remembers. You need to talk to her."

"I can't. Not yet."

He sighed like he always does.

"One of these days you are going to listen to me. At least I hope. I don't want to see you get hurt even more Spence."

"I don't plan on being the one who gets hurt Aiden."

"Yeah well your latest plan didn't quite work the way you wanted did it?"

"Then it's time to work on Plan B."

Whatever Plan B was.

After a delicious lunch and the lecturing from Aiden I went back to work. The rest of the day went pretty well and I stayed busy. The meeting went better than I thought it would. Well because Ashley wasn't in it. She had an unexpected meeting of her own. Around 6 o' clock I packed up my things, cleaned up the office and headed out.

I got some company while waiting for a cab. Ashley.

"How was day two of being Peyton?" She smiled and this time it was a full smile.

"Busy. But I enjoyed it." I smiled back. A genuine smile.

"You seem to like keeping busy. You should take a breath every once in a while."

So she noticed things about me. Interesting.

"I like to focus on work. Keeps me from thinking too much. Keeps me sane."

Keeps me from thinking of more ways to make her hurt like I had. Keeps me from thinking about my mother sitting in that room all alone. Keeps me from feeling sorry for myself. If only momentarily.

"I understand completely."

I believed that she did.

A cab pulled up and she gestured for me to take it.

"Where are you headed?" I asked.

"About 10 blocks north."

"I'm headed that way. We can share the cab. Come on."

I slid in and she was right behind me.

Yes I could be nice now and again but really I just wanted to spend more time with her. To work on my next plan of course.

We gave the cab driver directions and sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Spencer I know it's not my business but I feel I should tell you to be careful."

Really? First Carmen and now Ashley. Maybe I could get the truth from her.

"Let me guess. This is about Brooke." I turned to face her.

"Brooke really likes you. But she loves someone else. They're just going through a rough patch. They'll get back together. They always do."

I could not believe what I was hearing. This was crazy. First I had found out that Ashley and Brooke were never a couple and now Ashley is trying to protect me from Brooke.

"So she is just using me? Carmen was right."

"Carmen? Spencer you can't listen to anything that girl says. She can't be trusted." She raised her voice a little. I know I couldn't trust Carmen but I didn't exactly trust Ashley either.

"Why do you keep her as an assistant if you don't trust her?"

"I don't want to train someone else."

"Is that it?" There had to be more to it.

"Well you know what they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

"Enemy?"

"Well she's not exactly a friend."

There was something she wasn't telling me but I let it go…. for now.

"Brooke really does like you. She's not using you. She denies that she'll go back to her girlfriend. But history says otherwise."

So I guess Carmen was telling the truth. I still couldn't believe it.

"Why do you care? What does it matter what Brooke and I do?"

"I don't want to see either of you get hurt."

She sounded so sincere and I didn't understand why she was acting this way.

"I can understand you caring about her feelings but why me?"

"I like you Spencer. I would hate to see you get hurt." She said seriously. Those familiar deep chocolate eyes stayed on mine.

Did she just say she liked me? What did she mean by 'like'?

"Um. Okay. Well thank you. I do know what I'm doing. I like Brooke but I'm not looking for a relationship with her."

"Okay then." She looked away and I wished I knew what she was thinking.

"Would you want to get together some time?" She said suddenly facing me again.

Huh? Was she asking me out?

"I mean, ya know for work. We have to work on the layout and I just thought we could get together outside of work." She added quickly.

I couldn't figure out if she really wanted to go out with me or if it really was just for work.

"Yeah, that would be great. It would be nice to get out of the office for a while. Maybe we could find some inspiration."

She smiled big and her nose crinkled. It was so cute.

Ugh. I did not just say that.

Okay I did. So sue me. I was attracted to her. That wasn't a secret.

"Good, so it's a date!" She said excitingly. "A work date of course." She corrected herself.

Ashley was nervous. That was obvious and it was adorable.

Why couldn't she be some big, mean, burly bitch with bad teeth and horrible breath? It would be so much easier to hate her.

"So are you busy this weekend? I am super busy the rest of the week with the other project I am working on so it would have to be the weekend. Unless of course you would rather work on it with Peyton. She might be back by then."

Did I mention she also rambled when she was nervous? Again, adorable.

She liked me. I was sure of it. Maybe that is why she stared so much. Maybe she didn't remember the accident. Maybe she didn't recognize me at all.

Maybe I should give her an answer.

"This weekend sounds great." It's not like I had a life outside of work. My life consisted of work, visiting my mother and an occasional night out with my best friend. Pathetic, I know.

The cab stopped in front of her condo. She paid the driver and then slid out. But not before flashing me a smile I had never seen from her before.

She shut the door and crouched down to the window.

"I'll see you tomorrow Spencer."

She smiled again, gave a wave and walked up the steps to her door.

The rest of the ride home I thought about what Ashley said.

"_Keep your friends close and your enemies closer_."

That was it. I had to get close to her. Make her fall in love with me and then break her heart. I knew how these things worked out though. I knew I could make her fall for me. She already liked me, she told me so. I just had to make sure I didn't fall for her in the process.

My phone rang as I walked into the condo. It was Brooke.

"Hi." I answered.

"Hey Spencer." Man between her voice and Ashley's I didn't know whose was sexier.

"So I was thinking about this weekend. I can make you dinner and then we'll see where it goes from there."

"This weekend?"

"Yeah it that alright?"

"Of course. I can't wait."

"Great. I'll see you tomorrow Spencer."

"See you tomorrow Brooke."

I threw myself on to the couch and I chuckled to myself. I had plans this weekend with Brooke and Ashley. Separately. In the last 12 hours I had figured out I hadn't actually slept with Ashley's girlfriend/ex-girlfriend, made plans with Brooke for dinner and ..sex, found out Ashley liked me and planned a date, sorry, work date with her. Things were not going exactly the way I had planned but things were definitely getting more interesting.

* * *

_**Review if you wish. I would love to hear your thoughts/opinions. Humor me :)**_


	6. Chapter 6 Revelations

**Thanks everyone for your comments. I truly do appreciate every one of them.**

**This is a short chapter but I hope you enjoy it anyway.**

_Thank you Stephy :)_

**_Happy Birthday Purps! _**

_I don't own the characters, just the story._

_**Chapter 6- Revelations**_

The rest of the week went by fast. I spent time with both brunettes and even had lunch with the two of them on Friday. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be.

We went to an Italian restaurant and the minute we walked in most of my nerves faded away. The atmosphere was incredible. Low lighting, beautiful music, lots of naked women statues..What? We sat down, Brooke in the middle and the waiter approached us almost immediately.

He was young and very good looking. "Bene ciao belle signore, cosa posso fare per voi" He said with a charming smile.

Uh? Did they not speak English here?

I was about to point at my menu when I heard…

"Si inizierà con 3 insalate e una bottiglia del vino migliore."

Ashley spoke Italian back to the waiter and WOW was it sexy.

The waiter had to clear his throat.

"Naturalmente, io vi una bottiglia del nostro miglior Barolo"

He smiled and walked away and I couldn't help but look across the table at her.

She was looking at her menu, her bottom lip between her teeth and in that moment I knew, without any doubts, I wanted her.

I gave myself a headache daily over the complicated mess in my head where Ashley was concerned. Why couldn't I just hate her? Things would be so much easier.

I excused myself and went to the washroom. After splashing some water in my face and taking a few deep breaths I headed back to the table to face the two incredibly gorgeous and enamoring women.

I sat back down and took a sip of the wine that was placed in front of me.

Ashley's eyes were on me. I could feel them. I looked up to see her staring at me from behind her wine glass. She set the glass down and gave me a small smile.

Chills ran up my spine and my heart did a flip. Yes, I wanted her and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Are you feeling okay Spencer?"

Brooke placed a hand over mine and although I was attracted to her the feeling was nothing like the one I got from just a look from Ashley.

Speaking of Ashley, she eyed Brooke's hand on mine, took a sip of her wine and looked away.

Suddenly she seemed uncomfortable.

"Yeah, I'm okay. It's just a little hot in here." OH boy was it! And now I was starting to feel uncomfortable.

I took off my light jacket and much like I did the first time Ashley and I had lunch, I covered my face with the menu.

Ashley ordered for us and I was strangely okay with that. We chatted about work over a rather large spread of Italian dishes and a delicious bottle of wine.

"Spencer and I are going to work outside the office on Sunday. We need to think outside the box and find some inspiration." Ashley said to Brooke when she asked about the progress of the important layout.

She gave Ashley a look that I couldn't quite read and then turned towards me.

"That's a great idea."

She took a sip from her wine and changed the subject.

Weird.

Was she jealous?

The rest of the meal went by fast and smooth. Discussing work made everything not so awkward.

Ashley paid the bill and when I thanked her she looked up at me with those seductive yet calming eyes.

"You're welcome Spencer."

And my heart did a damn flip again.

Somebody shoot me!

We went back to work and thankfully I didn't see her for the rest of the day.

.

Saturday morning I went to visit my mother. It was raining and when I walked into her room I noticed her chair was facing the door instead of the window. My mother hated the rain. Might have had something to do with rainy nights and car accidents. The night my brother and father were killed it was also raining.

She looked better every time I came to see her. Her face had more color, her eyes had more light in them and her grip on my hand was stronger. She was getting better and I couldn't have been happier. She was going to come back to me. Hopefully sooner than later.

I started talking to her like I normally did. I placed my chair directly in front of hers, my hands took hold of hers. When I first sat down she made eye contact with me for a few seconds but then they went to a blank wall. That didn't stop me from talking. I needed to talk to her, I needed someone to listen and not judge.

"I want to stop this. I want to stop feeling this way. I don't know how. How do I just move on and forget?"

I talked about Ashley and that night to my mother a lot. If she could talk back she would say the same thing Aiden had been saying for years.

_Let it go_.

"I have these mixed emotions when I'm around her, Ashley. Part of me wants to scream at her and tell her how much she has taken from me. The other part ….wants to forgive her. I just don't know how. "

I paused and let out a sigh.

I stopped talking when I noticed my mother's eyes move to the doorway.

"Anne" She said staring at the empty space.

"Anne" She said once again. No-one was there.

I stood up from my chair and walked out to the hall.

It was completely empty and quiet.

Was my mother seeing things? Was Anne really here?

I decided to find out more about this Anne woman.

"Hi, is Beverly in today?" I asked the nurse sitting behind the computer at the nurses' station down the hall.

"No she's not actually. She's on a short vacation."

"Oh. Well who can I speak to about my mother, Paula Carlin?"

She looked on the chart next to her computer.

"That would be Janice. I'll have her paged for you."

"Thank you. Can you have her meet me in my mother's room please?"

"I sure will."

I sat back down with my mother and tilted my head at her. She still looked lost in her own world but I believed she would find her way. I had to believe that.

"Hello ladies. Good morning." Said the rather cheerful nurse as she walked into the room.

She held out her hand to me.

"I am Janice. It's nice to meet you Miss Carlin." I took her hand and gave it a good shake. She covered our hands with her other and said to me in a low voice.

"Your mother is doing exceptionally well. You should be proud."

"I am proud and you don't know how happy I am to hear that."

We talked briefly about her progress and she nearly told me her entire life story.

This woman loved to hear herself talk.

Thankfully she was only a temporary nurse. I truly believed that my mother could hear and understand everything everyone said and I felt bad that she had to deal with Nurse Janice and there was nothing she could say or do about it.

I talked to her about the mysterious Anne. She of course had no idea who she was either. My mother hadn't had any visitors with the exception of me since she took over for Beverly.

"I need you to notify me when my mother has a visitor. Namely this Anne woman. I want to be called ASAP."

"Do you feel your mother is in danger?"

"No. I would just like to talk to her. Find out how she knew my mother and thank her for visiting and for the flowers."

"Okay then. We'll let you know when she visits. We'll call you right away."

"Thank you Janice."

I said good bye to my mother with a kiss on the cheek and headed home.

The cab ride to my condo was quiet. No talk, no radio, just the sound of the wind coming through the windows. I had learned to tune the noisy New York streets sounds out.

I thought about Anne. Who was she? She seemed to have some sort of effect on my mother. I needed to talk to her. I needed to know why it seemed she was so important to her.

I arrived at Brooke's around 6 p.m. for dinner. When she opened the door I nearly gasped. She was wearing a tight black dress that fit her perfectly curved body in all the right places and the sexiest smirk I had ever seen.

We had a nice bottle of red wine with our dinner and I noticed Brooke down at least 4 glasses. By the time we were finished with our meal I could see it was starting to affect her.

I sat down on the sofa with my second glass as she opened another bottle and poured herself another.

"Are you okay Brooke?" I asked as she sat down next to me. Well, plopped down.

"I'm great Spencer. Just peachy." She sat back and put her legs in my lap.

"How many glasses is that now, 6, 7?" I laughed.

"Hmmm. I stopped counting after 9. But I've probably had 7 or 8."

Um?

I set my glass down on the table in front of the couch and took hers from her.

"Heeeeey. What are you doooing? That stuff is so good. I could drank a whole bottle."

"Uh, I am pretty sure you did Brooke."

I moved her legs off of me and turned her sideways so I could move closer to her.

"Brooke what's going on?" I took her face in my hands. Her eyes were glossy.

"Nothing. I feel good. How do you feel?" Her hands moved up and down on my legs and I stopped them.

"I feel good too. But I would feel better if I knew what was bothering you."

She dropped her head and pulled her hands away from mine.

"I'm sorry Spencey. I don't know what I'm doing. I shouldn't have had you for dinner and I shouldn't have let you do what you did the other night and I shouldn't have thrown me at you. Well you know not actually thrown, but yeah thrown. I shouldn't have showed up at your place and climbed in your window. Did you know that? Did you know I climbed in your window? I shouldn't have done that. Someone could have called the cops on me. I just, I just had to see you and you weren't home. I can't believe I climbed through your window. I could be like a super stealthy cat burgerlerer. Could you imagine me in one of those tight black outfits with a black mask? I could totally be a cat burger." She laughed and snorted. "I mean cat burgerler or …burgerlerer.. or you know whatever. Does that make sense? But yeah I shouldn't be here right now. Or you shouldn't.. wait where are we?"

She looked around and then laughed again and another snort followed.

"This is _my_ place so you shouldn't be here right now." She laughed again and I just sat back and pursed my lips trying not to bust out laughing myself.

"I like you Spence. I really do. You are super-duper hot and have such nice teeth and your smile is so pretty. I really do like you ya know. And you were really great the other night. Like really great." Her eyes opened wide. "Great."

Well…great.

She stood up and walked to the center of the room. Let me rephrase that. She stood up and stumbled to the center of the room.

"I don't want to be mean but… you should go. You need to go before I try to jump you. Coz you're so hot. Such nice teeth and pretty eyes. I could give you a ride. I mean a ride in my car. I have one ya know. A car. I didn't mean like a ride, ride, like on me. That would be soooo hot but we can't. Baaaaaad idea Spennnnnce." Her hands were flying everywhere as she talked and her facial expressions were just ridiculously cute and funny.

"You get what I'm saying Spencey? I like you but you can't be here. We can't have great sex anymore. I don't want to use you, even if the sex was great. Did I mention how great?"

Wow. Intoxication is not good for the brain.

"Maybe once or twice." I laughed.

"I'm making a fool of me aren't I?" She said plopping back down on the couch.

"No, not at all. It was cute."

She smiled at me and then giggled.

"I need more wine." She tried to grab her glass off the table but I stopped her.

"I think you have had more than enough." She frowned and sat back.

"You're probably right. I don't want to get drunk. I start to ramble and not make any sense and I don't really want to do that to you tonight."

"I would be okay with that if you did."

She was so cute when she rambled.

"Ohhh man I'm such a mess. You can go if you want to. I wouldn't blame you if you left or if you want to stay I am fine with that too. But I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to stay. You should hate me. I'm an idiot. I mean look at me."

Her voice cracked a bit at that last part and I could see her eyes start to water.

"I'm such a mess. Look at me."

She covered her face with her hands.

"Brooke, you're not a mess."

"Brooke?"

I moved her hands off of her face and cradled it in mine.

"I am looking at you. You're not a mess, you're beautiful. I don't hate you okay. It's easy to see that you're hurting. I get that. I'm not leaving unless you really want me to."

She shook her head that was still in my hands.

"Okay then. Why don't we…watch a movie or something?"

This time she nodded her head. Still she didn't say anything.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked as I pulled away from her.

"Yeah. I think so."

"Good."

We found a movie and it wasn't long before she fell asleep sprawled out on the couch. I covered her up and contemplated leaving. I couldn't though. She had been drinking a lot and I didn't want to leave her alone. After picking up the wine glasses I made my way to the kitchen. I cleaned up the mess from dinner and grabbed a glass of water. On my way back to the living room I stopped to look at the pictures on the fireplace mantle. Pictures of her family, pictures of her, Ashley and Peyton, pictures of a dog. Not one picture of a girlfriend.

Something caught my eye in one of the pictures.

It was a picture of the three of them at a party. Ashley was in the middle with Brooke and Peyton on each side. They were all holding a beer and looked slightly drunk.

What caught my eye was the jacket Ashley was wearing. A brown leather jacket. But more importantly the date at the bottom, right corner of the picture.

_04/20/04 _

The night Ashley hit me with her car.

Suddenly I had a sick feeling in my stomach.

I couldn't breathe.

I had to sit down.

Finding the coffee table, the nearest thing, I sat down and put my head in my hands.

They were all together that night.

They were all having fun and drinking.

Ashley.

Peyton.

And Brooke.

_"What are you waiting for? Call 911." I heard from a distance. _

_"Go see if she's okay."_

_"What? No you go. You hit her."_

_"I can't. I'm scared."_

_"Just call 911 and then we'll go."_

_"We can't just leave her there."_

_"We've been drinking. We'll go to jail."_

_"I'll call 911 and then..then we'll leave."_

It all came back to me in a quick flash.

The two voices.

The one I could never forget.. Ashley's raspy and panicked voice.

And Peyton's.

Peyton was there that night.

In the back of my mind I knew it could have been her or Brooke. But I wasn't sure.

The picture and the flashback made it all seem so real again.

I was sure of it now.

Peyton was there with Ashley. She was in the car. And she was the other voice. The voice telling Ashley to leave me there.

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_**Thoughts, comments? Share them please. :)**_


	7. Chapter 7 The Date

_Sorry for the wait. Enjoy!_

PurpleLover92- The answers to your questions.. First to 'sixly' lol will be answered soon and of course you will be the first to know ;)

A Mind That Sits Still - I will do an Ashley P.O.V. towards the end of the story. It will explain a lot. Spencer found a parking ticket issued to Ashley in the jacket that Ashley had put over her at the accident. Hope that answered your question. Anne will be a mystery for a little while longer :)

lilce1992- Well at least I have answered one of your questions and who Anne is will be answered shortly. Thanks :)

Ade77- Glad you are reading this one. Hope you enjoy and thanks so much :)

BrownEyez44- As always I love the guessing. You may be on to something or very very close. We shall see :)

idwalkthroughhell4u - Ahh the mysterious Anne. She will be revealed soonish. I love the guesses..you may be right but then again you may be wrong. All the answers will come soon enough as well as some more twists :)

manderz-9489 - Well damn... thank you :)

crazybeautifulme- Oh the plot did indeed thicken and probably will a few more times. Anne will be revealed soonish :) Thanks.

Brucas4ever- Lol. It's always fun writing for the drunk characters :)

Sgarc12- Questions, questions, questions... I am glad I have you guessing and just for the fun of it I'm gonna throw in some more curveballs soon. :)

waterproof88- Well welcome back. Hope you had a good one. Your review inspired the title of this chap :)

Thanks to all of the 'guest' reviews.

_**Happy yesterday birthday Steph! Old hag :P**_

_I don't own the characters just the story._

* * *

_Chapter 7- The "Date" _

I stayed with Brooke through the night. I knew she would have a rough morning and I wanted to be there for her. She woke up around 8 a.m. groaning. After trying twice to sit up she finally managed and nearly tripped over the coffee table. When she returned from the bathroom I handed her the aspirin. She apologized over and over again for her behavior. I wasn't upset with her. But I was very upset with what I had discovered the previous night. I was upset and exhausted. I barely slept because I couldn't stop hearing Peyton's voice in my head. It kept repeating itself and I felt like I was in a bad dream and couldn't wake up.

_Come on Ash, we have to go._

_Come on Ash, we have to go._

_Come on Ash, we have to go_.

Coming to the realization that Peyton was there that night brought up more questions. Questions I didn't know the answers to. Questions I didn't want the answers to.

Did she know who I was?

Is that why she gave me a job?

Is that why she befriended me?

I was exhausted. Too much thinking. Too many voices in my head. I wanted so badly to just let go of everything that happened that night. But it was always there pulling me back, reeling me in, feeding me memories I wanted to forget.

The devil on my shoulder wouldn't shut up.

But the angel was not about to give up.

You probably wouldn't believe it but… I really was rooting for the angel.

I didn't want this for myself. I didn't want to feel this angry and vengeful. Maybe the key was spending time with Ashley and finding out who she truly was. She was a mystery. Not just to me, to everyone. I needed to get close to her, befriend her. I saw her that night. I saw her heart. Maybe that's who she is. If I could find out who the real Ashley was and find out what was going on in her head that night, maybe I could finally move on.

But how? I couldn't bring it up. I wasn't even one hundred percent sure she remembered me..or that night.

And now I had to think about Peyton. How was I going to look her in the eyes?

I left Brooke's around 9 a.m. and when I arrived at the condo I passed out on my bed almost instantly.

When I finally woke up it was a little past 1:30.

Shit!

I ran to my purse and grabbed my phone. Two missed calls and two voicemails. One was from my mother's nurse Janice and the other was from Ashley.

Voicemail #1: 10:37 a.m.

_Good morning Miss Carlin. This is Janice calling to inform you that the women you were inquiring about, Anne, just checked in and is with your mother at the moment. Give me a call and I can try to keep her if you would like to meet her_.

Damn it!

Voicemail #2: 12:23 p.m.

_Hi Spencer. So I hope we are still on for today. I thought we could meet at Central Park, the main gate to the Conservatory Garden at 3 o' clock. Let me know if you can't make it. If you can I will see you then….Bye._

She sounded a bit nervous and that made her voice even sexier.

Shit! Shit! Shut up Spencer.

I jumped in the shower and got ready in record time. Checking the mirror quickly before I left, I realized I had the plain, tomboy look going on. Jeans and a light blue t-shirt with my Nike's. Oh well, we were probably going to be doing a lot of walking and I wanted to be comfortable.

I arrived at the gate to the gardens at 2:50. Even after stopping and grabbing an iced coffee I was early. I hated being late. Even a few minutes late. Ashley strolled up around 3:02 looking oddly…. Hot. She, like me, was looking rather tomboyish. Jeans with a white V-neck t-shirt, a pair of white flip flops and her hair was back in a tie. She was wearing a pair of sunglasses and holding a tote. But the thing I noticed the most was the smile she was wearing. It was a good thing I couldn't see her eyes and she couldn't see mine. Those eyes could quite possibly make me melt into a gooey puddle.

"Hey, sorry I'm late."

"Only 2 minutes. I won't hold it against you." I chuckled before taking a sip of my coffee.

"Well thank you. It's just that I know you are Miss Punctual and I really did try to get here on time." She said with an innocent smile

She noticed a lot about me. I liked that.

"Stop it already. I just got here myself." I don't know why I lied.

"And I would have got you one but I didn't know what you liked." I held up my iced coffee.

"No that's fine. I had a latte on the way. But thank you… Shall we?" She held out her arm towards the entrance to the gardens.

Once inside I turned to her.

"So is this your favorite part of the park?"

"It is. I love it here." Her voice was quiet and I think her eyes were closed.

"Which is your favorite garden?"

"The south garden. Come on." She grabbed my arm and started pulling me towards it.

"Look at this place." She said once we entered the English style garden.

"It's amazing, so beautiful, and so peaceful. I come here often to read. It's such an escape from the crazy city noise and from everything else really."

I had never heard her talk like this. I wanted her to keep going. But she stopped an opened up her tote, grabbing a pad of paper and a pen.

"Is this place good? Or did you want to go somewhere else?" She stopped suddenly to ask.

"This place is perfect Ashley." I smiled a genuine smile and got a nose-crinkling one back.

We sat down on a bench near the fountain.

"Is there a story behind the statues?" She seemed to know so much about the place. I had only been here once. My father brought us when I was real young. I only vaguely remembered it.

"The fountain is called the Burnett Fountain, after Frances Hodgson Burnett, the author of The Secret Garden. It's believed that the statues are the two main characters from the book, Mary and Dickon."

She went on and on about the garden and how it reminded her of so many pieces of English literature she had read over the years.

Every time I was around Ashley I found something new and intriguing about her. The other day at lunch I found out she could speak fluent Italian. Today I could see her passion. Her passion for beauty, her passion for literature.

We went over endless ideas for our layout. I watched her as she wrote; her bottom lip was between her teeth. I noticed she did that when she was thinking. We were sitting so close and many times her hand would graze my knee and I would have to stop myself from reacting. After about 2 hours we finally agreed on something. Talking with Ashley fascinated me. I knew I couldn't go on hating her. It just wasn't possible. It was obvious there was a connection between us, not to mention we were attracted to each other.

Around 5:30 we left the gardens in hunt for a hot dog stand. We walked a long way but we found one just outside the park.

"How many you want?" An excited Ashley asked.

"Um.. one?" I said with my brows raised.

"One? Really? Come on Spencer, I _know_ you can eat more than one." I didn't even want to know how she knew that.

"Well how many are you getting?"

"Four.. duh!" She said in her best valley girl impression.

"Four?"

"No, silly. I'm getting two. So what do you want on it?" She gave me a goofy smile and I laughed.

"The works… duh!" I copied her and she slugged me playfully on the arm.

"Four dogs with the works and two waters." She told the man and then looked back at me and winked.

I shook my head and smiled.

We took our hotdogs back to the park and found a bench to sit on. Thankfully I wasn't a total klutz and ate both without getting any mustard on me.

Afterwards we took a walk through the park. We chatted about work mostly but we also talked about music and movies and books. Ashley knew a lot about all of those things. I only knew what was popular. Like I said, I had no life. If I wasn't at work I was with my mother. My nights out with Aiden were the only time I had any fun and those were getting less frequent. We had just started talking about Aiden when Ashley was nearly tackled by a dog. The dog had knocked her on her behind and was licking her face.

"I'm sooo sorry Miss." Said the panicked owner.

"It's okay. I'm used to it." She laughed.

"He's never like this; he's usually very standoffish with people. I really am sorry."

"Well he probably smells my dogs. It's no problem really. He's so beautiful."

She surprised me more and more with every minute I spent with her.

Who knew Ashley was a dog person?

They chatted for a bit about the dog and finally the woman left, apologizing once again. Ashley once again shook her off and smiled.

"So you have a dog?" I asked once we started walking again.

"Actually I have seven dogs." She said so nonchalantly.

"Seven?"

"Yep, 3 labs, 1 chocolate and 2 yellow, 2 shepherds, they're brothers, 1 chihuahua and 1 bulldog."

"Wow!" Yeah, she was definitely a dog person.

"I've got a big house. They keep me company." Sometimes I forgot that she didn't really have any family either.

"What are their names?"

"Babe, Yogi, Rizzuto, Whitey, DiMaggio, Mickey and Reggie."

You have got to be kidding me.

"Um, you named all of your dogs after Yankee players?"

"Yeah. Is there something wrong with that?" She laughed. It was so cute.

"Not at all. I think it's awesome. So you are a Yankee fan I take it?"

"Aren't you? You can't live in New York and not be a Yankee fan Spencer."

"What if I wanted to be a Mets fan?"

"No. That's just crazy talk. If you're a Mets fan Spence I might have to fire you." She said seriously. And yes, I did notice she called me Spence…. and I liked it.

"In that case, I am a huge Yankee's fan." I smiled big.

"You better be." She said without looking at me. I laughed and then she joined me.

The banter between us was so natural. It came so easily and I was enjoying every minute of it.

"So Spencer tell me something about yourself. Something not a lot of people know."

She wanted to know about me? I don't know why I was so surprised.

I said the first thing that came to mind without thinking.

"I used to dance ballet." Right after I said it I wished I could take it back. I didn't want to talk about this now, with her.

"Ballet? You don't anymore?"

My heart started beating fast and sweat was quickly forming on my forehead. Shit!

"No, not anymore."

I shook my head and stopped in my tracks.

"Are you okay Spencer?" She approached me with a hand on my upper arm.

"Yeah, I'm just tired. I didn't sleep well last night." Hopefully she'd buy it.

"Things with Brooke went well huh?" She said sounding disappointed. I was glad for the change of subject.

"We ate, she drank… a lot… and then passed out. It went really well." I chuckled. I could still picture Brooke rambling; it brought a smile to my face.

"Yeah, sounds like it." She said in a sarcastic tone. I could tell she was a bit relieved. I didn't know what to think about that.

"Sooo yeah, we are back to being just friends. No worries, I'm not going to try and steal her from her ex."

"Well as much as I believe you could if you wanted to…that's not what I was worried about." The last part was said so quietly I almost didn't hear it.

"Well what were you worried about?" I felt a little nervous asking. There were a few butterflies fluttering around in my belly.

"I was worried about you."

Um..

"Why?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

"I didn't want to see you get hurt because of Brooke. I have seen girls get their hearts broken over her. It's not that she's a bad person and she doesn't do it intentionally, it's just that she has been in love with the same girl since our freshman year of college and although their relationship is a complete disaster and they break up twice a year, they always find their way back to each other."

Her voice seemed a bit sad. She looked away and began walking again.

"Are you speaking from experience?" I hope I hadn't crossed the line asking that but she smiled and it was obvious I hadn't.

"No. Brooke and I have had some fun but I've never had those kind of feelings for her." She smiled like she was remembering something funny and then took a sip from her water bottle.

I of course remembered the night I saw them in Brooke's office. That was an image I would never get out of my head. Not that I wanted too.

Her phone started ringing in her tote and she stopped again to fish for it.

"Sorry, I have to take this."

I nodded and gave her some space.

"Hello….Yes….Okay….No, that's fine…. I'll be home before 8… Okay..Thanks…Bye."

"Sorry, that was my grandma. She helps me out sometimes at the house and with the dogs."

"Your 7 dogs, named after Yankee players." I chuckled.

"Yes, my 7 dogs. My babies." She held her hands over her heart. You could see she was a proud mama.

"Anyway we should get going, or I should get going. You obviously can stay if want."

"No I should get going too."

We walked to the gate and she sent a text from her phone.

"You need a ride Spence? My driver will be here in a minute." She said while tossing her phone back in her tote.

"Nah, I'll just catch a cab." I didn't want my time with her to end but I didn't want to be that close to her again. She was driving me crazy.

"Come on Spence. I'll give you a ride." She grabbed my hand and pulled me with her. A black car pulled up and the driver got out and opened the door for us.

"Miss Davies." He nodded as he held the door open.

"After you Spencer." I couldn't argue with her, it was no use. I slid onto the black leather seats and she was right behind me.

"Thank you William." She thanked the driver and he shut the door and got into driver's seat. I looked down and tried to hide my smile. She was still holding my hand.

"Sorry." She said just above a whisper. Her hand left mine and rested on her leg.

"It's okay."

The short ride to my place consisted of a playful conversation between Ashley, William and I. Ashley explained that William lived in her guest house and the subject about her dogs came up. William was an older man, maybe in his 50's. They seemed to have a really good relationship. It was becoming pretty obvious to me that Ashley wasn't just a dog person but a people person too. She made people happy just being around them.

We pulled up to the condo and William exited the car. He didn't open the door he just stood next to it with his back to us.

"I had a really good time Spencer. I'm glad we decided to do this. We made great progress."

"I had a great time too. And thank you for the opportunity. It was fun."

We held eye contact for a few seconds. My blue eyes melting into her brown. She leaned towards me and my heart started to race. I think I stopped breathing. Her warm lips pressed against my cheek and I closed my eyes.

She pulled away and I opened my eyes to a shy smile.

"I'll see you tomorrow Spencer."

She knocked on the window and the door opened. William held his hand out and I took it. My face was no doubt beet red but if he noticed he didn't show it.

"Good day Miss Carlin. It was a pleasure to meet you." So proper and polite.

"It was a pleasure meeting you as well William. Take care."

He nodded and walked back to the car. As I turned to head up the 3 short steps to my door I…tripped…and rolled..landing face first into the cement.

Ouch.

"Spencer are you okay?" I heard Ashley coming towards me.

Oh. Wow. How embarrassing.

"Spencer?"

She sounded so concerned. I probably should answer her.

"I'm okay." I mumbled.

I rolled over and covered my face with my hands, completely mortified.

"Spencer?" She lifted my hands off of my face.

"You sure you're okay? You're not hurt?"

"Just my pride." I chuckled.

She grabbed my hand and in that instant I was brought back once again to that night. Lying on the ground while she kneeled next to me, her hand holding mine and the look of care and concern on her face.

Her eyes suddenly left mine and she looked down at the ground.

"Ashley?"

She didn't answer. Her eyes were still on the ground and she looked almost… lost. Her head shook and she closed her eyes.

"Ashley?"

I sat up and squeezed her hand.

She opened her eyes and lifted her head. She was squinting and staring at me like she was trying to figure something out.

"Ashley, what's wrong?" I had a strong feeling she was thinking about that night too. But she looked very confused.

Was it possible she was just remembering something?

"I have to go." She stood up, walked towards the car and got in without looking back.

"You sure you're alright Miss Carlin?" William asked coming out of nowhere.

"Yes, I fine thanks."

"Let me help you up." He held out his hand and once again I took it. He even walked me up my stairs. I looked back to the car but I couldn't see past the tinted windows.

What the hell had just happened?

"Thank you William. I'll be alright. You should get Ashley home."

He nodded and left. I stood there and watched the car drive away.

Again, what the hell just happened?

Once inside my condo I sat down on my couch and put my head in my hands. I admitted a few things to myself in that moment.

One, I couldn't hate Ashley even if I wanted to.

A big part of me used to, or so I thought. There was no way I could have even an ounce of hate for this woman. She was too sweet and also kind and caring.

Two, I had forgiven her.

I spent 4 hours alone with her and not once did I think badly about her. There were no games, just a good time. Spending time with Ashley had me thinking; there had to be a reason for her leaving that night. It couldn't have just been out of fear from the cops. Her family had money, lots of money, they could have kept her out of trouble no doubt. There had to have been something else. I may not have known 19 year old Ashley but I'd like to believe I knew a little about 27 year old Ashley. There was no way she would have left my side unless she had a damn good reason to.

Three, I wanted to be with her.

I wasted so much time over the years plotting revenge on Ashley and I wish I would have just taken the time to get to know her. Her smile, those eyes and that comforting touch. Those were things I always remembered about her but I didn't know what was behind any of it until today. I got a good look at the real Ashley Davies and I liked what I saw. Very much. And I wasn't angry about that at all. I had more fun with her in those 4 hours than I had had in a very long time. I didn't realize how much I missed laughing until today. Ashley made me laugh and she didn't really even have to try. My attraction to her was growing stronger and it was so hard to not grab her face when she kissed my cheek and press my lips to hers.

I smiled to myself and shook my head.

It was obvious what my next plan was. I had to talk to Ashley. We needed to talk about that night. I needed to know what she was thinking. I needed to know her reasons for leaving.

I hope and prayed the reason was a damn good one because tomorrow morning I was going to walk into that office and confront her. I was finally going to try to let go and move on.

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**_Review if you wish :)_**


	8. Chapter 8 No More Games

_Surprise! I was feeling greatly inspired by all of the reviews and I had some rare peace and quiet over the weekend. So as a result of that..I give you this._

_Thank you to all who read and reviewed. There will be a few questions answered in this chapter but just keep in mind that the story is far from over and things just might not be what they seem :)_

_Thank you also to P and S. You guys are awesome!_

_Enjoy!_

**_I own these words. That's it._**

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_Chapter 8 No More Games_

I walked into the office Monday morning with every intention of approaching Ashley. I was going to ask her to lunch and just come out with it. I had to do it as soon as possible before I lost my nerve.

First I had to deal with Peyton and I wasn't quite sure how to do that. Peyton had been such a good friend over the last few years. She was always there for me. She was a little crazy but I loved that about her. And now I had to walk into her office and look her in the eye after what I had found out. I didn't know if I could do that. I wanted to forgive her. One at a time I told myself.

Luckily the three of them were in a meeting outside of the office most of the morning. I had more time to think. I went to the lobby café to grab some coffees for when Peyton returned. I heard the two of them as soon as I got back to my desk. Peyton and Ashley were in Peyton's office

"What is the big deal? Spencer did a great job when I was gone. You said it yourself. Why all of the sudden have you changed your mind?" Peyton was loud and angry and that was unusual.

What the hell was going on?

"Look, I just think it would be better if you finished this with me. You are back now and it is your job. Spencer did great but Spencer is an assistant, that's all."

Wow, I couldn't believe she just said that. After all the hours we worked together, after our time at the park, the kiss on the cheek, I could not believe what I was hearing.

"She's more than my assistant and we both know it. She proved that while I was out sick. What is your problem Ash?"

"I don't have a problem other than you not doing _your_ job. We are going to finish this up, you and me. End of discussion."

I sat down on the edge of my desk. I was shocked and angry and I felt betrayed and lied to. Was yesterday all a lie or did this have something to do with Ashley going all spacey when I fell?

A few more words were said but I didn't hear them. The door opened abruptly and they both stepped out. A look of surprise with a hint of "oh shit" on both of their faces.

"If you don't mind I'm going to take an early lunch." I stood up, grabbed my purse and walked out, but not before turning to see Ashley…staring down at the floor.

I walked as fast as I could to the elevator and slammed the button with the back of my hand. It opened immediately. I slid in and backed myself up against the wall. I closed my eyes, hoping that the tears would stay behind them. The doors shut and after stopping at 3 or 4 floors, the elevator reached the main floor. Once out I headed straight for the doors. I needed some fresh air. I wanted to scream. I walked out and took a deep breath. It didn't help. I needed a drink, that's what I needed. The nearest bar was around the corner and I headed there with every attempt to drink away the pain that was shooting through my heart. The door was open and I walked in without hesitation. The place was empty except for a few people here and there. It was still early. The lunch crowd would be here by the time I left no doubt. I took a seat at the corner booth and was greeted by a waitress almost immediately. Two minutes later she brought me a Gin and Tonic. I wasn't a big drinker; actually I didn't drink at all. Not since college and back then I just drank beer. I hoped a Gin and Tonic would do the trick.. or 2 or 3. She asked if I wanted to order any food but even thinking about food made me sick to my stomach.

It wasn't until I reached for the glass that I noticed my palms were stinging. There were indentions from my nails on them. My hands must have been balled into fists for a long time. I didn't even feel it.

After forcing back 3 drinks I was starting to feel it. Unfortunately the drinks weren't helping. The alcohol was just adding to the intensity of my anger.

"Whoa Blondie. Whatcha drinking?"

Please. Not. Today.

"What. Do. You. Want?" I was sooo not in the mood to deal with Carmen.

She slid into the booth and I glared at her. Who the fuck did she think she was?

"Who said you could sit down? Leave. Now!"

She smiled and held up two fingers to the waitress at the bar. What the fuck was that?

"Talk to me Blondie. What's the damage?"

Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard and if she called me Blondie one more time I was going to smack the bitch. Sorry, did I mention I swore a lot when I drank?

"No damage. Just having a drink?" I said quietly and took the last sip of my drink.

"Riiight. No damage. So why is it you're in a bar, drinking, before noon on a work day?"

The waitress was suddenly at the table with two more drinks. Carmen slid me one and took the other.

She took a sip and smiled. "I haven't had one of these in forever. Good choice."

"Great. I hope you know that you're paying for these. I was just about to leave."

"No problem Blon.." She stopped noticing the look of sheer evil in my eyes. I was about to pounce on her.

"They're on me Spencer."

I pushed the drink forward. I had no intention of drinking it.

We sat in silence for a minute or so before she starting annoying me again.

"I heard Ashley and Peyton yelling after you left. Actually everyone on the floor did. Then Brooke intervened and they took it into her office. I can't believe Ashley did that to you. It's all over the office now. How she just dumped you from the project after you did all that work. That sucks."

I glared at her again.

"I told you Spencer. You'll never be included in their little circle. You're just an employee, a minion, an…assistant."

She was right. I hated that she was right. But she was right.

I grabbed the drink in front of me, brought it to my lips and downed it in one gulp.

"What do you want Carmen?" I asked sitting back into the booth.

"I need your help."

Oh, this ought to be interesting.

"My help with what?"

"Breaking up their little circle." She smirked before taking a sip of her drink.

"No." I was furious and upset but I was done playing games.

"Come on Spencer. Ashley played you; don't you want to make her pay?"

"I'm not interested." I grabbed my purse and slid out of the booth.

"Ashley's the leak Spencer." Carmen said loudly before I got too far.

I stopped in my tracks and spun around.

"What?"

"It's true. Ashley is the one who has been leaking information to New York Woman."

"Do you have any proof of that?"

"I have some, but I need your help." I sat back down.

"I'm listening." I was curious to hear what Carmen had on Ashley. I didn't think Ashley would try to intentionally destroy her own company but I also would have never thought she would do what she did this morning.

"She's sleeping with Penelope Clark for one." Right, Penelope Clark. I suddenly remembered the phone conversation Ashley had with her.

_Things won't always be this way. You won't always have to be a secret._

Of course, how could I have been so naïve and stupid? Ashley was with Penelope Clark, why would I think she wanted to be with me?

"Spencer, you do know who Penelope Clark is right?"

"Yes, I know who she is. What's your proof that they are sleeping together?"

She turned in her chair and whistled, the waitress nodded and I'm pretty sure that meant she was bringing more drinks.

"Ashley called me this morning. She needed me to come to her house and pick up some papers that she needed delivered to one of the fashion writers. She had to go straight to her meeting and she didn't have time to go to the office and drop them off herself. Anyway I told her I would be there at 8:30 but I got ready quicker than usual. I pulled into the drive at 8:15, just in time to see her hug and kiss Miss Clark before she got into her car and drove off."

So obviously I was reading way too much into what Ashley felt for me. Carmen was right. She was playing me. But why? She didn't care about me. She proved that this morning. And she was fucking Penelope Fucking Clark. A beautiful red head with a killer smile and equally killer body. What would she want with boring and bitter "no life" Spencer Carlin?

"I'm assuming that Brooke and Peyton don't know about their affair…"

"They don't." I interrupted.

"How do you know that?"

I explained to her the phone conversation I heard and she smiled at me like she were concocting an evil plan.

"What do want from me?" I asked quietly. She smiled and leaned forward onto the table.

"We're gonna make sure Brooke finds out they are together and that Ashley is the leak. What I need from you is all the information you have on the layout you just worked on."

"No." I wasn't about to give away something I had worked so hard on no matter how pissed I was at Ashley. I loved my job and I cared about what happened to the magazine.. and I would never hurt Brooke like that. But Brooke did need to know that Ashley was sleeping with the competitor.

"Spencer we're not going to actually send it to New York Woman. I have a plan."

"What's your plan?" This had better be good.

"Just give me the information and I will make sure Brooke finds out about Ashley's deception."

"That's all? Seriously?" I might have had four too many Gin and Tonics but I wasn't a moron.

"I want to know your plan. The entire thing or I am not giving you anything."

"It's not that big of a deal. I'll put the package together, put Penelope's name on the front and make sure the package somehow ends up on Brooke's desk."

Really? Carmen was definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed.

"Brooke's not stupid Carmen. It's going to take more than that to get her to believe that Ashley is the leak."

"Once she finds out that Ashley is sleeping with her, she's not going to trust her."

"You're the one who keeps saying that their "circle" can't be broken. Yet you think Brooke's just going to turn her back on Ashley?"

Her plan was not full proof that was for sure. It wasn't a very good plan at all. But if it proved Ashley's dishonesty even with just the Penelope thing; I was all for it.

"I didn't say the circle couldn't be broken. Just said there was no room for one more in said circle. Ashley is the leak, I'm sure of it."

"Fine, whatever. I'll give you everything you need first thing in the morning." I stood up and threw 2 twenty dollar bills on the table.

"I'm sure you can cover the rest."

"Where are you going?" She asked followed by a laugh.

"Back to work." Somehow.

"There is no way you can go back in there today Spencer. Everyone knows what happened and there's that small fact that you are a little…drunk."

Oh, right.

"When I go back I'll tell them you went home sick."

I nodded. I really didn't care what she told them at this point. I just wanted to go home, crawl into bed and cry.

Damn it Ashley.

Before I got to the door I turned back around. There was something I had been wondering about and kept forgetting to ask.

"Carmen?"

She turned around and I noticed she was on her phone. She said a few words and then hung up.

"I know why I am doing this, but why are you?"

She reached into her pocket, pulled out a few bills and set them on top of mine before sliding out of the booth.

"It's a long story. Let's just say we used to be friends. Something happened and now we're not. Not even close. Trust me. Ashley deserves to pay for her deception."

She started walking out but stopped in front of me. She leaned forward and my brain told me to move but my body just stood there. Her lips nearly pressed against my ear as she whispered…

"Have that information for me tomorrow morning."

Then she walked out..but not before stopping, turning her head and winking.

I sighed. What did I get myself into?

I went home and passed out in my bed after crying myself to sleep.

I was finally going to move on.

I was finally going to let it go.

I guess I liked Ashley more than I thought.

What she said hurt. Plus the fact that she didn't want to work with me anymore. I didn't get it. Yesterday was such a great day. It didn't make sense. There was a definite connection between the two of us. Or at least I thought there was.

I was played.

And here I was again, getting sucked back in. I thought I was done with all the games. I was finally feeling…happy.

I woke up a little after 7 and dragged myself out of bed. I still wasn't hungry but I knew I needed to eat. A bowl of Frosted Flakes went down pretty easily and after a long, hot shower I felt much better. I walked by my phone sitting on the kitchen table several times but I ignored it. I knew there were some missed calls but I didn't care to see them.

I had some work to do.

My phone rang again about 6 more times and I decided to finally answer it. It was Peyton. It was her twelfth time calling.

"Yes, Peyton." I answered annoyed.

"I was about to just come over there Spence. Why haven't you answered my calls?"

"I didn't want to talk about it.. obviously."

"Look it was no offense against you. Ash just wanted to work with me because that's what she is familiar with. We've worked together on every layout since we opened the magazine."

"That's fine Peyton and I'm fine. I'm going to sleep now. I'll talk to you in the morning."

"Are you sure Spence?"

"Yes, good night."

"Okay. See you in the morning."

I shut the phone off and sat down on the couch. My head met my hands and I ran them through my hair.

Everything was so fucked up.

Again.

All the drama with Ashley and then there was Peyton. One of my best friends. What was I supposed to do with what happened that night?

She was such a great friend. She always treated me right and with respect. She loved me and I loved her.

I was tired of the hate and the games.

Giving the full details of the layout to Carmen wasn't going to make me feel any better. Trying to break the trust between the three of them was not going to make me feel better.

I didn't care about what happened that night anymore. I cared about the present. I needed Peyton in my life so there wasn't any choice but to just forgive her. And Ashley, well it was obvious that she didn't want to be around me so I guess I would just have to deal with that.

I was ready to move on and moving on was what I was going to do. No matter what happened.

Carmen was waiting for me in the lobby when I arrived. I just walked right past her and into the elevator.

"Spencer!" She shouted out.

She squeezed herself in as the doors were about to shut.

"What is your deal? Do you have what I need?"

"No, I don't." I said without looking at her.

"Why the hell not?" She raised her voice.

"You're going to have to get it on your own. I'm not getting involved."

"But you said…"

"I know what I said yesterday. I had time to think, ya know when I was completely sober and I can't help you. I won't help you."

She glared at me and moved to my side of the elevator. I stood my ground with my back against the wall and my eyes forward.

"So you're gonna let Ashley win? You're gonna let her get away with what she did? Why Spencer? Don't be such a coward."

What? Is she kidding me right now? I turned to face her and it caught her off guard.

"I am not and will not let anyone run my life anymore but me. I'm going to let this go, not because I am a coward but because I am better and stronger than that. So take your game and go find someone else to play it with you because I am out."

The ding of the elevator couldn't have come at a better time.

"Goodbye Carmen."

I walked out of the elevator without looking back.

Peyton tried talking to me again about what happened but I told her to drop it. I didn't want to discuss it anymore. I just wanted to do my job, my job as her assistant. She tilted her head to the side and sighed at me and then followed that by…

"Fine, go get me a Carmel latte and a chocolate glazed donut."

…and then walked back into her office.

I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

The day went on smoothly but it felt weird. It was my first day at the magazine without some kind of agenda on my mind. My first day without looking out the office window for Ashley. I really did not want to see her and I didn't trust that I could hide my emotions if I did.

Peyton ordered in lunch, she was busy catching up on all of the work she missed. She ordered my favorite from the little Thai place down the street and I smiled at her thoughtfulness. I was right to let go of her part in the accident. She obviously was not the girl she was all of those years ago.

Then she surprised me again at 5:01 when she told me to get lost.

"It's only 5." I replied.

"I know what time it is. Get, go."

I was shocked to say the least.

"Are you sure you're not still feeling a bit off. Let me feel your forehead."

She laughed.

"Shut up. Seriously though, I'm not going to keep you past 5 anymore unless I absolutely need you to be here. So go."

"Ooookay." I wasn't going to question it. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

She blew me a kiss and went back into the office.

Peyton was acting a bit strange but I just took it as her realizing that we both worked too much and that was why she had gotten sick in the first place.

I poked my head in her office before I left and told her not to stay too much longer, that she just got over being sick.

"Yes, mom. Bye now." She replied.

I decided to stop and visit my mother on the way home. When I opened the door her head turned to the sound.

Progress.

"Hi mom."

She looked me in the eyes and I couldn't help but tear up a bit.

Every day she was getting better.

I sat with her for a while. She mostly stared at the wall but a few times she looked at me. I told her about what had happened over the last few days and I was exhausted afterwards. Nurse Janice made her way in just as I was about to leave. We talked about my mother and the progress she was making and I of course brought up Anne.

"So you didn't speak with her?" I asked as Janice helped my mother into a wheel chair. She was taking her to the recreational room.

"No, I waited by the phone for your call while they visited."

"I'm sorry I was unavailable. What can you tell me about her?"

"Well, she's an older woman. In her 60's maybe. Very polite and charming."

Hmmm, an older woman.

"Beverly told me that she had shared a room with my mother at Belleview. I just wish I could talk to her. Give me a call again next time she comes in."

"I sure will Miss Carlin. You have a good night now."

Later that night I had a good conversation with Aiden. I hadn't talked to him in days. He was really busy at work and apologized for not being a good friend. I apologized back and thanked him for being a _great _friend and always trying to steer me away from my hate towards Ashley. I told him about how I had finally moved on and even with what happened on Monday I still had every intention of moving on. He told me he was proud of me. We made plans to spend the weekend hanging out. I couldn't wait. I needed to be around my best friend. I didn't realize how much I had missed him until our conversation.

Wednesday morning I walked into the office to a surprise. There was a note on my desk from Brooke. She wanted me to meet her in her office as soon as I got in.

I dropped my things onto my desk and made my way to her office. The door was wide open and she was on the phone. She signaled for me to take a seat. The conversation was pretty intense for so early in the morning and as she made demands to whomever it was on the phone I couldn't help but think of the night we had spent together and her demanding ways.

Anyway.

She slammed the phone down and sat back into her chair.

"Good morning Spence." She sounded exhausted.

"I'd say good morning back but .."

"This morning has sucked and I've only been here an hour." She groaned.

"So what's up?"

She sat up in her chair and rested her chin on her hands. Uh oh. I knew this Brooke. All business.

"I need you to tell me you had nothing to do with Carmen's ridiculous scheme to take Ashley down."

Uh oh indeed.

I looked down and played with my finger nails.

"Spencer?"

"I didn't but… I thought about it." I admitted. She nodded like she already knew that.

"Tell me what happened." She sat back in her chair again and took a sip of her coffee.

I explained to her about how I ended up at the bar and the drinking and Carmen coming in and feeding me more drinks and our entire conversation. I left out the part where I overheard Ashley's conversation with Penelope and snooped on her phone.

Then I explained to her how I turned Carmen down after thinking about everything.

She seemed to believe me.

"Carmen was caught on camera sneaking into Ashley's office and then had the audacity to accuse her of being the leak. You sure you didn't have any part of this?" Maybe she didn't believe me

"If I had any part in it she wouldn't have had to sneak in to Ashley's office." I spat back at her.

"Take it easy Spencer. I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm just doing my job. And doing my job means doing everything in my power to keep this company together."

She stood up and walked around her desk and leaned on the end of it.

"Ashley is not the leak Spencer. Carmen is."

Wow, don't know how I didn't see that.

"We were fairly certain about it for months now but we didn't have solid proof. We still don't but because of her breaking into Ashley's office and trying to attack me; I was able to fire her anyway."

"She tried to attack you?"

She nodded.

"I'm sorry Brooke. Carmen is crazy and I knew that. I didn't mean for you to have to question my loyalty. The magazine means a lot to me and so does my job. I was angry with Ashley but I'm moving past that."

"You had every right to be angry with Ashley. She had her reasons though. Maybe in the future you can get another chance."

"So you're not going to fire me?" I raised my eyebrows.

"No." She chuckled. "But I do want you to take the next few days off. Just use up some vacation time. You have enough of it."

"Okay." I was getting off easy. Even though I didn't go through with it I still had bad intentions.

I got up to leave.

"Hold on Spence. Sit down."

Uh oh.. again.

"Just so we are clear… Ashley is not sleeping with Penelope Clark. They are good friends though."

So Carmen did bring that up.

"Are you sure Brooke?" I had to ask.

"Yes, I am one hundred percent positive."

"Brooke, I should tell you.."

"Ashley is not involved romantically with Penelope Clark.. I am. She's my ex."

Say what?

"Oh, wow. Really?"

She moved again so that she was sitting next to me.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. We were keeping it a secret until we found out who the leak was. Ashley is a good friend of the both of us and has been comforting both of us. What Carmen saw was Ashley being a good friend. I was actually at Ashley's place Monday morning when Penelope was there."

Wow. I felt like an ass again.

"I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. I wish I would have known."

"Well you do now. Can you keep it to yourself for just a bit longer?"

"Of course. Who am I going to tell anyway?" I laughed.

"Thank you Spencer. I'm so happy you decided to not help Carmen out. We all want you here. You will be a big part of this magazine in the future. I can guarantee you that. And you have been a great friend."

She stood up and pulled me into a hug.

"Take this time off and enjoy yourself. You deserve to every once in a while you know."

"I will and thanks."

I left her office and let out a huge sigh of relief. I felt a lot better with all of that off my chest and knowing that Ashley wasn't the leak nor was she sleeping with Penelope.

Once again I had judged her wrong. But I was still angry with her.

I made my way back to my office and opened the door to yet another surprise.

Ashley.

She was sitting on a chair in front of my desk and when she turned towards me I could see she was upset.

Once again… Uh oh!

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_Reviews = Inspiration, Ispiration feeds my imagination and yada yada yada_


	9. Chapter 9 Too much thinking

**Hey guys. Thanks so much for the many, many reviews. They were very inspiring. I hope I made up for being mean (the cliffhanger) with this chapter. Enjoy!**

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_Rachel2020- I don't even know what to say about your review. I'm speechless. But I will say it was one of the most inspiring reviews I have ever read and for that I thank you :) Hope you enjoy this next chapter._

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_**I own nothing but the story.**_

* * *

_**Chapter 9- Too much thinking**_

I stopped in the doorway. I couldn't find the strength to move.

"Morning Spencer." It came out quietly, just above a whisper.

Notice there wasn't a Good before the Morning.

"Hi Ashley."I couldn't seem to say it either.

Finally I found my legs and walked in. I sat down and moved my bags off of my desk. I couldn't make eye contact with her. I was too nervous.

Why was she here?

Was she here because of my almost betrayal?

What did she want from me?

Did she want me to say sorry?

"I'm really, really sorry Spencer."

Um… maybe .. not?

"I'm sorry for what happened Monday morning. What I said was.. stupid."

She shifted in her chair, clearly uncomfortable.

And here I thought I was going to be the one apologizing. Brooke must not have told her my part in the Carmen thing.

"I.. I like you Spencer, a lot. And as usual when I like someone, I push them away. I didn't mean what I said. I don't think of you as just an assistant. You did an amazing job. We both know that, Peyton knows that and so does Brooke. I didn't mean to hurt you, in anyway, if I did. Like I said, it was stupid. I love working with you but being so close to you… kinda freaked me out."

I raised my eyebrows at her and she shook her head.

"Not in bad way." She said quickly.

"Oh gosh." She was obviously nervous as well and it was so damn cute.

A loud sigh came out of her mouth and then she stood up and walked to the back of the office.

When she turned around I noticed her eyes right away. They were sad. Those eyes always affected me, one way or another.

"Please Spencer, say something. I really am sorry. I know I'm not the best at apologizing but.."

"Stop! Just stop Ashley." I stood up and walked to the side of my desk. She sat back down, looking a little.. scared.

"Stop apologizing, please. Once was enough." I smiled and she took a deep breath and looked down at her hands.

"So you forgive me?" Her eyes were back on mine and her lips slowly curled into a smile.

Forgive her? I forgave her for what happened 8 years ago. I think I could find it in my heart to forgive her f or this. After all, who could say no to those eyes?

"Spence?"

And that voice?

"Spencer?"

I should probably stop staring and answer her.

"Yes, I forgive you Ashley." Oh wow. I never imagined myself saying those words with the name Ashley after them. I never thought I would forgive her. I guess you could say I finally grew up.

"Good."

"Good."

We just stood there staring at each other with goofy smiles on our faces. Neither of us knew what to say next.

"So did you two finally kiss and make up or do I have to take you both to the parking garage and beat the crap out of you?"

Why thank you Peyton for ruining the moment Ashley and I were having. And seriously, thank you Peyton for ruining that moment because it was starting to get awkward.

"There will be no parking garage beatings necessary. We're good." I replied while laughing.

Ashley was still staring at me with that adorable smile. I don't think she even looked away when Peyton walked in.

"Good because I am taking everyone out to lunch and I can't be seen with two girls with busted lips and black eyes."

She sat down next to Ashley and put her arm around her. Finally her eyes left me.

"You bought lunch yesterday." I replied. I couldn't let her keep buying me lunch.

Peyton was too generous. She was always treating to lunch and even late night dinners after work. I can only recall her letting me buy twice. Once because she forgot her wallet and the second because she left to use the restroom and I slipped the waitress the cash.

"What's your point Spence? You don't like free food?" They were both smiling at me now and it was weirding me out.

"Oh I like free food very much but it would be nice to buy you a meal once in a while."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, you can buy my lunch. Happy?"

"Yes, I am. We're going to McDonald's right?" I joked. I was glad Peyton was finally going to let me pay but was hoping it wasn't going to cost me half a paycheck.

They both started laughing and I gave them my famous, full pearly white teeth, Spencer Carlin smile.

"Look at that gorgeous smile. How could I say no to that?" Peyton turned to ask Ashley.

"I don't know." She replied quietly.

"Doesn't she have the most beautiful smile Ashley?" If I didn't know any better I would think that Peyton was trying to play a little match maker. Hey, I did know better. That was exactly what she was doing.

"She does." And there were those deep, warm, chocolate brown eyes. They were so intense and I felt the need to sit down suddenly.

I tried to hide my blush but it was no use. Lunch was going to be fun.

I finished up a few things that I was working on. I was going to be gone for 4 days; I hoped that wouldn't spell disaster for Peyton. Twelve O'clock rolled around and she dragged me out of the office.

Imagine my surprise when we did in fact go to McDonalds. I couldn't contain my laughter when the company car pulled up to the restaurant. I was only kidding but secretly I was relieved.

I tried to buy everyone's lunch but Ashley and Brooke weren't having it. Peyton ordered the most expensive salad, the Big Mac value meal, a large Coke and 2 apple pies. I shook my head at her.

"What? I'm hungry." She said while shoving a few fries in her mouth.

We all sat and ate our greasy yet yummy fast food and had a conversation about Peyton's upcoming birthday. It was on Saturday and Brooke wanted to celebrate.

"We can go out to dinner and then to a club" She suggested.

"No, I don't want to go to a club. I'm so sick of that scene. Why don't we just have a little get together? Just us and a few other friends." Peyton answered with a mouth full of apple pie. Such manners.

"Yeah, I like that idea better. What about you Spencer?" Ashley was turned towards me, sitting very close. So close I could smell her perfume. So close I could "accidently" touch her leg. Of course Peyton sat next to Brooke so that Ashley would have to sit with me. See, she was totally playing match maker.

"I like that idea better as well. A small get-together. We could have it at my place."

What. The. Hell?

I couldn't believe I had just offered up my condo. Quick, someone feel my forehead. I already knew it was on fire. If you were sitting that close to Ashley Davies you would be sweating too.

"Perfect. Then it's settled. Thanks Spence." Peyton leaned over the table and kissed my cheek. When she moved back to her seat I saw Ashley out of the corner of my eye. She was looking down at her hands again.

When we got back to the office Brooke insisted that the company car take me home. I couldn't argue with her. It sure beat riding in a cab. Everyone got out of the car except for Ashley. She stayed.

"Is it okay if I ride with you?" She asked quietly.

"Sure."

She smiled but then turned her head to the window as the car left the curb. I wished I could get into that head of hers. Even for just a moment.

"Are you okay Ashley?" I placed my hand over hers. She didn't answer right away but she did look down at my hand. I slowly removed it and she pulled it back and held it in hers. I can't explain to you the feeling that shot through my entire body when she did that. All I can tell you is that I didn't want her to ever let go.

"I'm okay. Sorry. I was just thinking about something."

"Care to share?" I didn't want to pry but there had to be a reason for her to come along for the ride.

"Peyton." Was all she said.

"Peyton?"

"Yes, I'm sorry for her behavior."

Her behavior?

"It just, it seems like she is trying to.."

"Set us up?" I interrupted.

"Yeah." She chuckled.

"Yeah I got that too. But I'm… okay with that."

"You are?" She seemed very surprised.

"Yes, I am. Are you not okay with that?"

I always assumed that Ashley felt something for me. It was obvious that she either didn't remember the accident or just didn't remember me. So the staring over the last couple years must have been attraction, right? She did say she liked me, which is why she tried to push me away. And she tried to push me away so maybe she doesn't like Peyton trying to set us up.

"Would you stop thinking so much. Yes, I am okay with that, as long as you are." Her lips curled up into a smile and she bit the side of her mouth and looked away briefly before turning back to me. Her shyness was so adorable.

"I am sooo okay with that." I looked down at our hands still tangled together and gave hers a squeeze.

"Okay then. But we really don't need Peyton's help do we?"

"No. Not at all."

"Good. So do you want to go out to dinner with me sometime?"

Awww, she was asking me out? I could not believe how far we had come. Just a week ago I was planning my revenge against her and now here we were talking about going on a date.

"Spencer? You're doing it again. Please answer me. I'm freaking out here."

"Sorry. I think too much sometimes. But yes I will. I would love to go out to dinner with you…on one condition."

"And what would that be Miss Carlin?"

"You take me to an Italian restaurant."

"You like Italian food huh?"

"Yes" No, but I just had to hear her talk in the sexy Italian language again.

"Deal."

We were doing that goofy staring smile thing again.

The car stopped and the driver exited the car and stood next to Ashley's door. The situation felt similar to Sunday. I hoped I didn't fall down my stairs again.

"Let me walk you up to your door. We don't want you falling again." She opened the door and slid out, pulling me with her.

Her hand never left mine as we walked up the steps to my door.

"Thank you." I said when we reached the top. I sadly had to let go of her hand to fish for my keys.

"Sooo, Friday night? Would that be okay?" She looked down towards the ground again and I smiled at her bashfulness.

I slowly lifted her chin with my fingers and then my hand slid up her cheek and held it.

"Friday night is perfect."

I wanted to kiss her so bad but I thought it would be too soon. See, I think too much.

My lips pressed softly against her other cheek and when I pulled away she surprised me by pulling me back to her. This time her hands cupped my face and when her lips touched mine I thought I was going to faint. My heart started beating fast and I think I stopped breathing. I closed my eyes and took in the feeling of her lips. They were so soft and warm and even though the kiss only lasted for a few seconds, it was the best kiss I had ever had.

I opened my eyes to a smiling Ashley.

"You can breathe now Spence." She chuckled.

I guess I did stop breathing.

My cheeks turned bright red no doubt and I turned my face to try to hide them.

"Don't Spence." I loved that she called me that.

"Don't hide that beautiful face."

Oh great. She was making me blush even more.

"Stop." I laughed.

"Stop what?" She was clearly amused.

"Stop making me blush."

"Sorry." She grabbed my hand and kissed it.

"I have to get back to the office. I'm not going to like not seeing you there for the next couple days."

She was so sweet.

"And I'm not going to know what to do with myself for the next couple days but.. I needed a few days off."

I still couldn't believe Brooke didn't tell her but I was glad she didn't. Someday I would have to tell her but I knew if I told her I would have to tell her everything. I wasn't ready for that yet.

"You could go hang out with my dogs, give my grandma a much needed break." She winked and smiled and ….Swoon!

I may not have fallen on my way up my stairs but I was definitely falling in another way… and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. And I was perfectly okay with that for once.

"I'd love to meet your seven dogs…and your grandma."

"Well she's not really my grandma, but she's the closest thing I have to family besides the dogs of course..and my sister who I never see."

She looked sad for a moment. I gave her hand another squeeze.

"Well I look forward to meeting your seven dogs and your grandma that isn't really your grandma."

She laughed and did I mention how much I loved the sound of it?

"So who she, your grandma that's not really your grandma?"

"She used to work for me, well she still does because she's stubborn but she doesn't do as much as she used to. I won't let her. Anyway she kind of took me in as her granddaughter after my dad died. She's an amazing woman and I don't know what I would do without her."

Her phone rang from her pocket and she pulled it out and gave it a quick glance.

"It's Brooke." She shook her head.

"I have to go but I will definitely see you on Friday."

"Yes, you will."

"Alright then. I'll be here at 7."

"Can't wait."

We shared another smile and then her hand left mine and she walked down the steps and towards the car. She turned around just before she reached it and gave me a quick wave. Then she was gone.

I was in trouble…I missed her already. I missed her smile, her laugh, her hand holding mine and of course those eyes. Those eyes that I had memorized for years. Oh yes, I was definitely in trouble.

That night I decided to do some much needed…nothing. I ordered in Chinese and rented a rom-com. A knock on the door at a quarter after ten had me surprised and a little scared.

"Spence, it's me. Open up please."

It was Aiden and he sounded upset.

I flew to the door and opened it to a tear-stained face. He was definitely upset.

"Come in."

He slowly walked in and sat down on the couch. His hands ran through his hair and then he put his face in his hands.

"What happened?" I sat down and rubbed his back.

"She left me." He said without looking up at me. His face was still in his hands and I heard a small sob leave his throat.

"Aiden what happened?" He finally turned to face me.

"She fell in love with someone else, she left me." Oh, no. This wasn't good.

"What? When, why, how?"

As upset as he was he let out a little laugh and my questions.

"Which one do you want me to answer first?"

"I thought you two had the perfect relationship. How did this happen?" They had been together since our senior year and I always thought of them as the perfect couple. I thought they would be married by now, I guess this explained why they weren't.

"I don't know. We started having problems late last year. She cheated on me with this guy she works with. She told me she didn't have feelings for him and I forgave her. A couple weeks ago I caught her in a lie. She came clean and told me she had been spending time with him. A lot of time. Anyway I thought I could make it work with her. I thought I could let it go but I couldn't. I told her to choose and she chose him. After all these years, after everything we've been through, she chose him."

He slammed his hand down on the table and got up.

"I just can't believe it Spence. She chose him."

I couldn't believe it. How did I not know about any of this?

"Aiden, why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to bother you with it. You've had a lot going on yourself, with your mom and work."

Didn't want to bother me with it? Isn't that what friends were for?

"Aiden, come on. Why didn't you tell me?"

There had to be another reason he didn't tell me.

He was pacing now and he stopped and looked at me in surprise. Of course I knew there was more. He was my best friend. I knew him better than that.

"I didn't want to tell you because I felt like a failure, like I was the reason she cheated. I felt like I wasn't good enough or man enough. I was ashamed."

He sat back down and faced me.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Spence."

"Aiden, it wasn't your fault. You've always been the best boyfriend. You treated her like a princess. If anyone was a failure it was her. And she's stupid. Soon she will realize she made a mistake and come knocking on your door begging for forgiveness and for you to take her back."

"Thanks Spence." He put his arm around me and pulled me into him.

"I also know how you feel about relationships. It's another reason I didn't tell you. I don't want you using this to prove your point that love doesn't last and relationships always end in disaster and all that other crap you say."

Oh geez. Yes, it was true that I told him I didn't believe in relationships or love. I had had many girlfriends in the past but never liked any of them enough to make it work, to make it last. My longest relationship lasted 4 months maybe. It wasn't really that I didn't believe in love or long term relationships; they just didn't happen for me.

"I believed in you two, in what you had. I'm sorry Aiden."

I turned to kiss him on the cheek and then snuggled back into him.

"Can I stay here for a few days, until I find a new place?"

"Of course you can. You can stay as long as you need to."

If he stayed here I could keep a better eye on him. I was worried.

"Thanks Spence."

"It's no problem Aiden."

"I'm going to go set up the futon in the office. You can sleep in there."

The next couple of days I spent a lot of time with Aiden. He took the rest of the week off too and we visited with my mother together, went to see his parents and even went to the zoo. I loved spending time with him. I was happy for the time we got to spend together, just wished it wasn't under those circumstances.

He got a call from Julie on our way home from the zoo on Friday. She was leaving for the night and told him it was best for him to come get his things while she was gone. He told her she could keep everything but of course he would need his clothes and personal belongings. I thought he was crazy for letting her keep everything but he explained that he couldn't take anything that belonged to "them" and I could understand that.

"Spence, I need you to come with me. Please come with me. I can't do it alone."

Aiden was my best friend. He was in pain and he needed me. I couldn't say no.

"I'll be right by your side."

I never told him about my date with Ashley. The date I was about to cancel. Believe me, I wasn't happy about that but I had no choice.

"I'll meet you in the car. I have to use the bathroom."

He nodded and headed for the door.

I grabbed my phone and dialed Ashley's number. She picked up on the second ring. I explained everything that happened and she sounded disappointed but understanding at the same time. The plus side was that we would see each other tomorrow night. I apologized over and over again and told her I would make it up to her. She said and I quote "Oh you will definitely be making it up to me." I imagined her winking after saying that and giggled to myself.

After hanging up with her I was bummed out, I was even more bummed out watching Aiden try to pack his things up without crying. I know he was trying to keep it together but I could see he was about to break. I did my best to try to comfort him but it was no use. He started throwing things and then finally broke down. I talked him into going for a walk and finished up packing his stuff.

Saturday morning Aiden went to spend time with his little brother and I spent time "cleaning" the condo. I say "cleaning" with quotes because my condo was already spotless. After doing a bit of shopping for the party and setting up I sat down for a second to relax. My phone rang shortly after and I smiled when I saw it was Ashley.

"Hi Ashley." My happiness had to have been evident in my voice.

"Hey Spence. I just thought I would call and see if you needed any help setting up." She surprised me more and more every day. I smiled to myself at her thoughtfulness.

"I would love some help. Can you make bean dip?"

She laughed. "Who can't make bean dip Spence?"

True, I had my own special bean dip recipe but she didn't need to know that.

"Good. Then you can come over and make some. I have everything you need so just bring….you."

"I'm on my way."

She hung up the phone and suddenly there was a knock at the door. I dragged myself off the couch and made my way to the door. After checking the peep hole I smiled from ear to ear, fixed my hair and opened the door.

"On your way huh?"

"Well, on my way to your door." Her wide, full teeth smile was so adorable.

I stepped to the side and let her in. She had a plate of cookies and a bottle of wine.

"These are from my grandma that's not really my grandma and this is from me. A little pre-celebration."

She handed me the cookies and the wine and I placed them on the table.

"So, you were just guessing I needed help setting up." I asked as I took her jacket. She was wearing a pair of black jeans and a light grey spaghetti strap blouse. We decided to do casual and my God did she look good doing casual.

"Um, actually I was hoping you needed setting up. I couldn't wait to see you." And there was that shy smile again. And of course my red cheeks made another come back.

"Well I am glad you're here early. I couldn't wait to see you either. Shall we?" I took her hand and walked to the kitchen.

I was in charge of taking care of the snacks and drinks and Brooke and Ashley chipped in for the meal. I had no idea what Brooke was bringing but I knew whatever it was it would be good. I made a vegetable plate, cheese and crackers and bought stuff to make margaritas.

While Ashley whipped up some bean dip with all of the ingredients I bought, I opened the wine and poured a glass for the two of us. We chatted a bit about Aiden and what we had both got for Peyton.

"Do you have any olives? I'll throw them on the top." She asked after spreading the cheese on top of the dip.

"I should. Check the cupboard next to the stove."

She turned around and I didn't stop my eyes when they landed on her..

"Oh my God Spence. Seriously?"

Her head whipped around and I quickly lifted my eyes to meet hers.

"What?"

She pointed to the inside of the cupboard.

"Oh."

"Seriously Spence. This is very close to "Sleeping with the Enemy" crazy."

She was referring to the boxes and cans in my cupboard. All facing outward and perfectly organized.

We both laughed and I playfully slugged her.

"Well does that mean that I get to be Julia Roberts?"

She tilted her head to the side and gave me this adoring look. For a moment I got lost in those eyes again, her words brought me back.

"You are so much more beautiful than Julia Roberts."

…and my heart just melted.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She turned back towards the cupboard and I let out the breath I was holding.

"So… I know that you are the most neat, clean and organized person I know but ..don't you ever get tired of it?" She asked while turning back towards me.

I couldn't get tired of it because it was just natural to me. I didn't want to be that way, I just was.

"I can't help it. It's just automatic for me." I leaned back on the counter behind me.

"Why?" She walked back over and leaned sideways on the counter facing me.

I sighed.

"You don't have to say if you don't want. I'm just trying to ... understand you. I wanna know you."

Those eyes were boring into mine and you know how I felt about those eyes. I would tell them anything they wanted to know.

"My uncle." I started and then stopped. Did I really want to tell her about him? No, but I wanted her to know me too and vice versa of course. A little at a time though. She couldn't know everything..not yet anyway.

I told her about my uncle, leaving out the part of why I had to stay with him. She looked away and to the cupboard, a strange look on her face. I wanted to ask what it was about but she started walking back to the cupboard.

"Come here." She said holding out her hand.

I walked over to her and she grabbed a can off the shelf and handed it to me.

"Show him he doesn't own you anymore."

"What?"

"Show him that this is your life and he doesn't have any say how you live it."

And all of the sudden it hit me. I knew what she was saying. I took the can from her hand. I hesitated.

"He doesn't own me." I said out loud and then tossed the can on the floor.

She smiled and handed me another can.

"This is my life." And another can hit the floor.

She handed me a box and then another can and finally I just started grabbing them myself. She moved out of the way and I reached both hands in and just started pulling everything out and letting it hit the floor. I could hear her rooting me on in the background. At that point I got a little crazy and started tossing things into the air over my shoulder.. until….

"Ahhhh , ouch, shit!"

Oopsie.

I turned slowly to see Ashley holding her head. She moved her hand and I saw blood.

Oh shit.

I rushed to her and checked her forehead. She had a cut at the top of her forehead. Just below her hairline.

"I'm so sorry Ashley. I didn't mean.."

"Stop Spence. It's okay. Just a little cut."

I took her hand and pulled her down the hallway and into the bathroom.

"Sit down."

She sat down on the toilet and I grabbed a wash cloth, peroxide, gauze and some medical tape.

"I don't think you're gonna need all that Spence." She tried to stand up but I pushed her back down.

"Shhh. Stay."

"Yes, Ma'am."

I cleaned up the cut as best as possible. It wasn't a big cut but a Band-Aid wouldn't do.

I could feel her eyes on me the entire time but I didn't dare look at her. After cleaning it up and putting on a piece of gauze and tape, I kissed over the cut and pulled her up.

She was so close.

She smelled so good.

And I wanted her badly..but I was starting to freak out at how much I wanted her… and the mess in the kitchen kept me from giving her all of my attention. Damn my uncle for turning me into a freak.

I turned around and went to open the door when it was shut from behind me. I looked up to see Ashley's hand on the door and suddenly I could feel her right behind me. Her other hand was on my waist and when I turned back around she pressed me up against the door.

Oh wow.

Suddenly the mess in the kitchen was not the first thing on my mind…Ashley's hands were. They were slowly moving up my frozen, still body and giving me shivers inside and out. They finally reached my face and she cradled it before moving in and kissing me gently.

It didn't take long for my lips to start moving against hers. I loved her lips already. So smooth, and warm and mmm the taste. My hands finally left my side and found her hair. I pulled her further into me and as I titled my head to the side for a better angle I felt her tongue on my bottom lip. Oh God, my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I opened my mouth slightly and she slid her tongue in. The moment mine met hers I let out a moan. She was such a good kisser and she tasted so good. I could not believe I was kissing Ashley. Ashley, Ashley Davies. The woman I had "hated" for years. I never imagined we would be in my bathroom, kissing.

"Spencer." She breathed out when she pulled away.

"Stop thinking."

Her lips were back on mine and this time the kiss was rough but full of fire and passion and I nearly went weak in the knees. Her hands moved slowly down my body until she reached my behind. She lifted me up and against the door and then pushed her body into me. I gasped at the feeling her body being pressed into mine.

Ashley's tongue was so talented and it made me wet just thinking about the things she could do with it. I moaned at my thoughts as it wrestled with mine. Then suddenly it wasn't there anymore and I could feel her mouth moving down my neck. She was driving me absolutely crazy.

"Fuck Spencer, you drive me crazy too."

Oh.. I must have said that out loud.

Oh wow. She was biting and licking and sucking and it felt so damn good. I threw my head back to give her better access and hit the door a little too hard but I didn't care. I didn't stop the quiet moans that were coming out. This was getting dangerous. I wanted her so bad. I wanted her to take me right there and then.

"Spencer?"

"Spencer? Are you alright? Spencer!"

I heard him calling me but just could not find the will power to stop Ashley and I didn't want to.

Then he started pounding on the door.

"Yes, I'm fine Aiden. I'll be out in a minute."

"What the hell happened in the kitchen, are you okay?"

"I'm alright Aiden. Give me a minute."

I looked down at Ashley, her brown eyes were so dark, so full of lust and she never looked so sexy.

She set me down and leaned in for a gentle kiss. So gentle but so beyond amazing.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Don't be." She pushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I'm sorry that I pushed you so hard.."

"Don't be. I'm happy that you did." I leaned in a kissed her once more before opening the door.

I pulled her with me out of the bath…. Oh shit!

We walked into the front room hand in hand and probably both looking slightly flushed, to 8 sets of eyes on us.

"Did we miss the party?" Peyton asked sarcastically followed by a chuckle.

Then in her best Dezi Arnaz voice. "Spencer, you got some explaining to do."

I looked over at Ashley, her cheeks were red this time. It was obvious that she wasn't going to say anything.

Peyton cleared her throat and her eye brows were raised in question. Aiden had a confused look on his face. Brooke looked kinda pissed and Penelope, what the fuck was she doing here? Anyway, she was looking quite amused.

This was going to be such an awesome party.

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**_Leave a review if you wish. I would love to hear your thoughts :)_**


	10. Chapter 10 Let's take it slow

**_So, I missed out on a lot of sleep trying to get this chapter written and posted before vacation. So you better enjoy it ;P_**

**_Thanks to everyone who read and especially those who reviewed. Inspiring as always._**

**_I probably won't have another chapter posted for at least 2 weeks. My apologies.. but life comes first._**

**_Thanks again!_**

_I own nothing but the story.._

* * *

**_Chapter 10- Let's take it slow_**

"Spencer what the hell happened in the kitchen?" Thank you Aiden, the silence and all the stares were a bit too much.

"Um, I was.."

"Looking for the olives." Ashley finally spoke up thankfully.

"And you decided to just throw everything all over the kitchen? Did an alien take over your body because the Spence I know would not have done that?"

"Relax Aiden; I was just going to pick it up." I replied followed by a chuckle. I started to walk away when…

"Wait, wait, wait, wait. The bathroom? You two." Did I ever mention that sometimes I wanted to strangle Peyton?

"And what happened to your head Ashley?" Oh great, now Brooke with the questions too. Man these people were nosey.

"We were in the bathroom because Spencer tossed a can over her shoulder and it hit me in the head. She was patching me up. Okay, nosey people? Now where's dinner? I'm starving."

"Well good thing that you're not unconscious because we need some help bringing it up." Peyton grabbed Ashley's arm and they went to the car to get the food. No doubt Peyton had more questions for Ashley. We weren't getting off that easy.

"I'm gonna go clean the mess up in the kitchen. Is that okay? I know how you like everything so neat and organized."

"That's fine Aiden, thanks."

He nodded and left for the kitchen. He knew that wasn't the whole truth. We would definitely be having a conversation later.

"Hello Spencer, we haven't been formally introduced. Penelope Clark." She held her hand out and I hesitated at first but then shook it firmly.

"It's a pleasure Penelope."

Her grip on my hand was very strong. I think I may even have winced. But it was her smile that scared me, it was fake. She knew. Oh, she definitely knew about me and Brooke.

"I'm going to finish up in the kitchen. Make yourselves at home."

I scurried out of the room and into the kitchen where Aiden was still putting everything back in the cupboard. Awww, he was putting everything back the way I had it.

"You didn't have to do that Aid." I said while throwing an arm around him.

"Yeah I know, but I also know that if I didn't do it like this you would probably lose sleep and I'd find you in here at four in the morning fixing it." He knew me so well.

"Well thank you." I kissed his cheek.

"Yeah yeah."

"By the way, we need to talk later." I told you.

"Yeah yeah."

"Make room on the counter Spence." In came Peyton and Ashley with what seemed like a dozen or so bags of ..Chinese?

Chinese was Peyton's favorite food. She reminded me every time we ate it. She also reminded me every time that you had to use chopsticks ..or you couldn't eat at her table. Ugh. Gotta love her.

We all ate dinner in the living room around the coffee table. Brooke, Penelope and Peyton sat on the couch, Aiden on the end of the table and Ashley and I on the floor opposite of them. Halfway through the meal I felt Ashley's hand slide into mine. When I looked over at her she had that shy smile on again. It amazed me how she could go from shy Ashley to "throw me up against the door and kiss me" Ashley and then back to shy Ashley. She was adorable and sexy at the same time and I couldn't wait to kiss her again.

After dinner Ashley, Brooke and I cleaned up. They both talked about Penelope and Ashley told Brooke about how the secret of their relationship was taking a toll on Penelope which is probably what caused them to break up this time.

I went back yet again to the conversation that I overheard that day in Ashley's office…

"_I know I'm sorry."_

"_I'll talk to her okay."_

"_Things won't always be this way. You won't always have to be a secret."_

It all made sense now. Ashley was friends with the both of them. Ashley was comforting her.

I was such an idiot.

"Whatcha thinking about now?"

Suddenly we were the only ones in the kitchen. I didn't even hear Brooke leave.

"Nothing important." I smiled.

"I doubt that but okay."

She leaned against the counter next to me as I finished washing the cups and utensils in the sink.

"How's your head?"

I dried my hands and moved her hair to the side to check the bandage.

"It's fine. But I am having a small problem."

"What is it?"

She moved closer to me and grabbed my hand.

"I can't stop thinking about that kiss and how much I want you."

See, there was nothing shy about that.

"Is that really a problem?" I asked grabbing her waist and pulling her closer.

"It is when all of our friends are in the next room. I don't feel like dealing with the questions right now. I just want to spend time with you.. friend free. Just you and me."

"How about tomorrow? We can do lunch or dinner or both. You can take me to meet your seven dogs, unless you think it's too soon of course." I joked and Ashley laughed. Such a sweet melody.

"Lunch, then I take you to meet the dogs and we can just hang out. Then dinner, with me, at my house. I'll even cook for you."

"Sounds great."

I leaned in to kiss her but was interrupted by someone clearing their throat. It was Penelope. Now I didn't really know Penelope all that well, okay I didn't know her at all but I didn't like her. She seemed smug and walked around like her shit didn't stink. I could understand that to an extent. She was the editor of one of the most popular woman's magazines in New York and she was dating one of the most beautiful and amazing women I had ever met. But that didn't give her a right to be a bitch and that was certainly her reputation. Then again maybe I had her all wrong. I was wrong about Ashley.

"Spencer, can I steal Ashley from you for a second?" She asked in the sweetest ..and fakest voice.

"Sure."

Ashley gave me a wink and left the room with Penelope. I finished up the last bit of the dishes and put the remainder of dinner in the fridge.

"Spence, stop cleaning. Get your ass in that living room before I start looking for a new assistant."

"Really? You're going to get rid of me? After everything we've been through." I held my hand of my heart and faked being heartbroken.

"Yep, I'm going go find myself a tall, dark and handsome man to be my new assistant. You know I will."

"Hey, that's not fair. Not to mention sexist."

She shrugged her shoulders. "It's my birthday; I'll fire you if I want to." She flashed a huge grin before taking a drink from her beer.

"Out, now." She ordered.

We all sat around just chatting about this and that and just having a genuinely good time. Aiden seemed as though he was enjoying himself and I was happy for that.

My eyes were always looking for Ashley and every time they found her I noticed that hers were on me. She would give me that charming smile and my heart would beat just a little faster.

Peyton opened her gifts and we sang Happy Birthday to her. After cake and ice cream Brooke and Penelope announced they were leaving. Before they left I pulled Brooke aside.

"Are you two back together?"

"No, not yet. But it won't be long before we are. We're taking it slow."

"Why? You guys have been together for such a long time. What's the point in taking it slow?"

She peeked around the corner, I'm guessing to make sure Penelope wasn't there.

"I told her about us. She forgave me but she's still upset about it."

"I knew it. Do you think it was the best idea to bring her here? It's kind of like throwing it in her face."

"She wanted to meet you. And she's upset with me, she knows it was all me. I told her I threw myself at you."

"It wasn't all you Brooke."

"I know. You have nothing to worry about though. That is unless it has something to do with Ashley. She's pretty protective of her. They're protective of each other. Be careful Spencer. With your heart and with hers."

I felt like just a week ago I was having this conversation with Ashley about Brooke. Ugh!

"You ready to go babe." Speak of the devil. Brooke nodded and Penelope helped her put her jacket on.

"Well Spencer, it was great meeting you. Thank you for having me. It was a wonderful party."

And there's that fake smile again. She wrapped her arm around Brooke's lower back almost possessively. I just laughed in my head.

"You're welcome and it was nice to meet you too."

I shut the door and walked back into the living room. Aiden and Peyton were putting their jackets on.

"And where are you two going?"

"Aiden is taking me out for some birthday drinks."

Um, what?

"Why?"

"Coz it's still my birthday for…" She checked her phone.

"…37 minutes."

"My drinks weren't good enough for you?" I pouted.

"Spencey your drinks were fine." She kissed me on the cheek and then rubbed the lipstick off with her thumb.

"Thank you for the awesome party."

"You're welcome."

"I won't be back too late Spence." He gave me a hug and I gave him a weird look.

He walked out and Peyton followed. Before she shut the door she whispered.

"She's on the balcony." And then winked.

I shook my head and smiled.

Something told me the two of them were in cahoots. I didn't really care at the moment. Ashley and I were finally alone.

I noticed Madonna's "Vogue" playing over the iPod speakers as I made me way out to the balcony. I had remembered seeing Ashley fiddling with it. She was leaning against the railing with her head tilted up to the sky.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" She asked quietly.

"It is."

"Everyone left?" She turned towards me and grabbed my hand pulling me close to her.

"Yep."

"Good."

She let go of my hand and suddenly her hands were cradling my face. Soon after, her lips touched mine and if I could actually render a thought it would have been "about time". The kiss was soft and slow but as soon as my hands found her hips she deepened the kiss and it became desperate and hungry.

She pulled away out of breath.

"Wow. I can't get enough of you Spence. This is crazy. We should slow this down."

Who? What? When? Huh?

What was with everyone and…. Taking it slow?

"Yeah, we should. We should take this slow."

What the fuck was I saying? I didn't want to take this slow. I wanted her here and.. now-ish.

"It's just that I want you so bad and I really, really like you. I don't want to screw things up by moving too fast. And I want to get to know you. Not just your body, which is .. amazing, but all of you."

Oh, I was totally swooning ..and blushing.

"I really, really like you too and I think it's quite obvious that I want you just as much. If you want to take it slow I am perfectly fine with that."

Or I would learn to be.

"Well we can try anyhow." She smiled and in that moment I knew I had to tell her. I couldn't keep this secret to myself. Whether or not she remembered the accident, she definitely did not remember me. As much as I didn't want her to hurt, I didn't want to lie to her anymore either.

"It's such a beautiful night Spence. Dance with me." I didn't take my eyes off of hers as I slid into her arms. You could faintly hear the music inside the condo. "Crazy for You" was playing. What perfect timing.

I laid my head on her shoulder as we spun around slowly. She wrapped her arms around my lower back and pulled me closer. It was such a beautiful night and Ashley made it perfect as well. I thought to myself, where has she been all my life? But I knew exactly where she was. I was just too busy hating her.

I closed my eyes and took in the moment. Tomorrow I was going to have to tell her and who knows what the outcome of that was going to be.

We danced a little while longer and after a very looong kiss good night I walked her to her car.

"I'll see you tomorrow at Noon right?"

I nodded. "Noon."

"Good night Spencer."

"Good night Ashley."

She gave me one more smile and then she was gone.

I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned all night. Excitement over spending the day with Ashley and worrying about Aiden and Peyton kept my thoughts on overdrive. I finally heard Aiden come home around 3 a.m. Thankfully he was alone.

He was still asleep at 11:30 when I walked out the door to go meet Ashley. I did my best to get ready as quiet as possible. I was not ready to have that conversation with him. Especially not right before my date with gorgeous brunette that I was slowly and secretly falling for.

I shut the door to my condo and turned around to a surprise. William. He was standing at the passenger door of a black SUV.

"Good morning Miss Carlin." He said in a cheery voice.

"Good morning William." I was a little confused as to why he was there.

"Miss Davies sent me to escort you to lunch. She didn't wish for you to take a cab."

Of course she did. She was so sweet. I smiled from ear to ear.

He opened the door for me and I slid in. On the seat next to me there was a yellow rose and a note.

_Can't wait to see you._

Could she be anymore sweet? It was going to be really hard taking it slow with Ashley. But I wanted to get to know her too. As much as I wanted her, I wanted to know her as well. For 8 years all I thought about was getting back at her and now all I wanted was to _be with her_.

"So where is Ashley?"

"She's meeting us there Miss Carlin. She had some errands to run this morning."

"William, can you just call me Spencer please?"

"Yes ma'am."

I shook my head and I could see him smiling through the rear view mirror. He wasn't going to call me Spencer.

Before I knew it we were pulling up to a little Italian bistro and Ashley walked up to the car. She opened the door and held out her hand.

"Buon pomeriggio bella"

Uhhh. I didn't know what she said and I didn't care. It was so sexy. This woman fascinated me to no end.

I grabbed her hand and stepped out of the car. "I have no idea what you said." We both laughed.

"I said…" She leaned in and kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes as her lips touched my face. The butterflies in my stomach were out of control. My heart started beating fast and I wondered if it would be this way every time she kissed me.

My breath hitched when I felt her warm breath on my ear.

"Good afternoon beautiful." She pulled away and I had never seen those brown eyes look so full of life.

"But it's still morning." I teased.

"Does it really matter?" She said with a smile. "Come on."

We walked into the cozy and rather small bistro hand in hand. The host greeted us and Ashley had a short conversation with him. Of course I had no clue what was being said. I watched Ashley's face and lips when she talked and was completely mesmerized.

The host sat us in a back corner booth with much privacy.

"Are you planning on putting the moves on me?" I said after we settled in. The booth was big enough for at least 6 but we were so close I could smell her shampoo.

"Well that depends."

"On?"

She moved in closer, her lips just centimeters from mine.

"If you want me to put the moves on you."

I was about to grab a hold of her and kiss her hard when the waitress approached us.

"Buon pomeriggio onorevoli. Cosa prende da bere?"

Normally I would be bothered by not understanding what was said. It would bother me so much I would get on the translator app on my phone and type in every word I could remember.

"Would you like some wine Spence? Or we could just get sodas or water. Whatever you want."

"I'm fine with just soda."

"Non ci resta che aspettare due coca cole per ora." She said to the waitress.

"Certo, mi dia un momento, e mi potrai avere il tuo soda" The waitress replied.

"How is it that you found yet another Italian restaurant where they only speak Italian?"

"I like to eat, I go out a lot." She shrugged.

"Where did you learn to speak Italian?" I leaned onto the table and put my chin in my hands.

"My dad. He had an unusual but successful way of getting me to achieve everything I wanted and everything he wanted at the same time. One year, I think I was 8, I wanted the Barbie dream house but he told me I had to wait for Santa to bring it. It was only May and I just could not wait that long, so I bugged him and bugged him. For years he wanted me to learn the violin and I didn't want anything to do with it. So he made a deal with me. He'd get me the house if I took 6 violin lessons. So of course I made the deal. I was 8 and it was the Barbie freakin dream house. After 3 lessons I quit and he was too busy with work to notice. Anyway, when I was 14 I wanted to go to Italy with my friend for 3 weeks in the summer. The only way he would let me go is if I learned the language before I went. So I spent 4 hours every day for a month learning it. And during those 3 weeks in Italy I learned more."

I thought about asking her about her father but it looked like a touchy subject.

"So you like Italy I take it?"

"No, I love it. I love everything about it. The food, the culture, everything. My time in Italy was the best 3 weeks in my life." She smiled like she was remembering something and I slid my hand into hers and squeezed it.

The waitress brought us our drinks and once again Ashley ordered for us.

"Say something else in Italian. Anything."

"I knew that was the only reason you wanted me to bring you here." She chuckled.

"That wasn't Italian."

"You're not going to deny it?"

"Not Italian either."

She sighed and lifted her hands to cradle my face.

"Non vi è dubbio che vi sono le più belle e molto sexy donna so. Voglio baciare lei fino a CHE non può più respirare"

I almost didn't let her finish before I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. We both quietly moaned into each other's mouths as the kiss quickly deepened… And then it was over. She pulled away and rested her forehead on mine.

"Slow, remember?"

Ugh.. Yes I remembered.

Lunch came shortly after and surprisingly conversation came very easy. She got me to talk about a few things from my childhood and I also told her about my college days and how I met Aiden. I was successful in leaving out my teen years and was relieved that she didn't press me about it.

We were just about finished up and the waitress placed the bill on the table. Ashley grabbed it quickly and slid her credit card into the pocket of the bill holder.

I tilted my head to the side. "You're not going to let me chip in, even just a little?"

"Nope, I asked you to lunch."

"But you're making me dinner. At least let me leave the tip." I begged.

"You can leave the tip.. on one condition." Her face turned mischievous.

"I'm listening."

"You have to tell me a secret." She said quietly.

Um.

Uh.

Well obviously I couldn't tell her the whopper of all secrets. Not here and not right now. I wanted to be honest with her but I couldn't. Not yet.

A secret?

"Spence, seriously? It doesn't have to be something big. Just… anything."

"I have a pair of SpongeBob pajamas."

"That's your secret Spence?"

"You said anything."

"I gotta see these pajamas."

"Well maybe we could have a sleepover sometime."

"Oh yeah?"

I nodded.

"Will you be wearing these SpongeBob pajamas during this sleepover?"

"Maybe."

"Eh, I might be able to make it."

"You don't want to spend the night with me?" I fake pouted.

"Oh I do. But….Quando io do soggiorno la notte mi auguro che indossate nulla" She whispered in my ear and then stood up.

"That was dirty wasn't it?" I said sliding out of the booth and taking her hand.

"Maybe." She wiggled her eyebrows and winked.

"So not fair Ash."

She stopped abruptly and smiled at me.

"What?"

"You called me Ash."

"I did." I didn't even realize. It just came out.

She didn't say anything, she just smiled again and we walked out of the restaurant.

We waited out front for William. Ashley sent him home because she didn't want him waiting.

"Thank you for lunch Ashley."

"You're welcome."

"So, tell me one of your secrets. It doesn't have to be big, just something, anything." I already knew her big secret and soon she would too.

"Hmmm." She thought about it for a second then turned to me. Her hand reached up to caress my cheek.

"I've wanted you since the first time I met you."

Which first time would that be?

"When Peyton introduced us, I was so nervous. I never felt like that before, with another girl."

I think that answered my question. That was not the impression I got from her at all.

"I would never have guessed that."

"I played it cool. I just wish it wouldn't have taken so long for us to do this."

"We barely talked Ash."

"Why was that?"

"I don't know. But let's just forget about the past and move on. Okay?"

"Okay."

She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the curb just as William was pulling up.

"Wow, really?"

I know that voice. Oh no.

"You have got to be kidding me? I get fired and she gets a …date?"

This is not good.

"What do you want Carmen? And what are you talking about?" Ashley snapped at her.

"Of course no-one told you." She shook her head.

"Told me what? What is going on?"

"Why don't you tell her Spencer? Tell her how you were willing to give me all the information on your super, secret, special layout. Tell her out you told me about her conversation with Penelope and how you told me they were having an affair. Go ahead.. tell her."

I closed my eyes and looked down. I couldn't bear to see the look that I am fairly certain was on Ashley's face. When I looked up and at her I could see she was confused.

"Please tell me… that she is lying. Tell me that you didn't have anything to do with it. Please Spencer."

The crack in her voice was even harder to handle then the sad look in her eyes. I just looked at her. No words I could form were going to get me out of this.

"It was you? You're the one that helped her?"

"No, I didn't help her with anything but I almost did. And I did tell her that I thought you and Penelope were having an affair."

"Why?" She asked, anger showing in every part of her face.

"I was mad at you, for everything you said on Monday morning. I was upset and I wanted to hurt you. But I never told her anything about the layout."

"So you lied to me and Brooke lied to me. Wonderful."

She turned away from both of us and ran her hands through her hair. Carmen was enjoying this. She was smirking and if I wasn't so worried about Ashley I would have walked over and smacked that smirk off of her smirking face.

"I'm sorry Ashley."

"Let's go."

Huh? Was she not mad at me?

"Good bye Carmen." She said before opening the door to the car.

We drove away… Carmen watched on clearly amused.

"I hope you ladies had a wonderful lunch." William said from the driver's seat.

"We did William, thank you."

"Ashley?" I turned towards her in my seat but she kept her face forward.

"William, change of plans. We're taking Spencer home."

He just nodded.

"Ashley please."

She didn't answer me. She wouldn't even look at me.

I sat back and we drove the rest of the way in silence.

William pulled the car up to the curb and opened my door for me.

"Ashley, I really am sorry. I realized how stupid and childish it was and I knew something was up with Carmen. I didn't give her any information, I promise. Please Ash, can you just look at me?"

"I can't have people in my life Spencer who want to hurt me. I have had enough of that in my life. I need time to process all of this." She finally looked at me and I could see her pain. The life that existed in those eyes earlier wasn't there anymore.

"Okay." I croaked out.

"I'll see you tomorrow at work." She said and then went back to staring out her window.

I didn't want to hurt her any further so I grabbed my purse and the yellow rose she got me and slid out of the car.

"Enjoy the rest of your afternoon Miss Carlin."

"You too William."

The rest of the day.. sucked. I sat around and replayed the entire day's event. From our lunch together to that bitch Carmen.

I had hurt Ashley and I hadn't really even done anything. What would happen when she found out about the accident? What would happen when she found out it was me she hit? What would happen when she found out I knew the entire time?

I made myself sick to my stomach. After all these years I didn't want her to hurt her.. I wanted to protect her.

Eventually I must have passed out. The phone rang in my ear and I jumped to answer it hoping it was her.

"Miss Carlin, this is Janice, your mother's nurse. The woman you were inquiring about is here. She would like to speak with you."

Oh my God.

"I'll be there as soon as I can." I hung up the phone and checked the time. It was after 7. I slept for a long time.

I heard noise coming from the office and found Aiden watching T.V.

"When did you get here?"

"A while ago. You were asleep and I didn't want to wake you. Where'd you go this morning?"

"We'll talk about that later. Along with why _you_ got in so late." He looked guilty. Great.

"I need you to take me to my mother. I don't have time to wait for a cab."

Aiden had a motorcycle, well a crotch-rocket as some liked to call it. And he was great at maneuvering in and out of the lanes of the busy New York traffic. We got to the hospital in 10 minutes flat.

Nothing prepared me for what happened next. I walked into my mother's room and was surprised at who was sitting at her bedside.

"Martha?"

I hadn't seen her since the day before my uncle told her to pack her bags and get out. I had been looking everywhere for her since he left me. Now she was here, she was sitting with my mother, she was …Anne?

"Hello Spencer. It's good to see you dear."

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**_I love reviews... and I'll need something to read on the long drive. Entertain me!_**


	11. Chapter 11 Anne

_**Thank you to all who read and/or reviewed. I apologize for not responding to the reviews this time. If you have any questions feel free to PM me.**_

_**For those of you who were wondering.. Martha was mentioned in Chapter 4.**_

_**Thanks to Steph and Purps. You guys are amazing. Love ya!**_

_I own nothing but the story_.

* * *

**_Chapter 11- Anne_**

I couldn't believe my eyes but there she sat not ten feet away. My body stood frozen in the door way and words suddenly became foreign to me. I opened my mouth several times but nothing came out.

"Spencer?" Aiden nudged me and finally I moved forward and into the room.

"It's been a long time dear. We have much to talk about."

No shit!

"Martha." I repeated. This time not in question but in utter astonishment.

"I know you must have questions."

Again… No shit!

I had questions… Where had she been? Why was she here? How long had she been visiting my mother?

And of course .. "So _you're_ Anne?"

If she was Anne then that meant she had visited my mother several times. Why hadn't she made herself known until now?

"I am Anne but not originally."

What the hell does that mean?

"What do you mean, not originally?"

"It's a long story."

"I've got time."

"Why don't you have a seat while I figure out where to start."

I turned to Aiden and grabbed his hand.

"Will you stay?"

"I'm not going anywhere Spence."

"Thank you."

I turned to see Martha with a questioning look on her face.

"His name is Aiden, he's my best friend." Aiden had never met Martha but he knew all about her and what she meant to me during the time I spent with my uncle.

"It's nice to meet you young man."

Aiden just nodded in response. He was now in his protective mode. It had to be confusing to him as well why Martha obviously had known how to find me and never did. He took a seat by the window but his eyes never left me. I was relieved he here was with me.

After kissing my mother's forehead and saying hello I took a seat at the foot of her bed.

"Now where shall I start?" She asked herself.

"How about from the beginning?" I suggested.

She sighed and looked down at her hands. When she lifted her head she looked directly at me.

"The beginning… that would be about 7 years ago. I was at Belleview visiting your mother while you were in school. When I got to her room there was a young woman sitting with her…"

"_Hello?" _

_She turned her head at my voice._

"_Oh, I'm sorry. You're here to visit Paula right?" She looked behind me as if she were suspecting someone else was with me._

"_I am. Have we met?" _

_She stood up and walked towards me._

"_No, but I see you here all of the time. Sometimes you come alone; sometimes you're with a blonde girl."_

"_Yes, Spencer."_

"_Yeah, Spencer." Her eyes left mine and peered to the right. It was as if she were remembering something._

"_Do you know Spencer?"_

_She didn't answer right away._

"_I don't… know her but we have met." She finally said in a voice so low I almost didn't hear her._

"_When did you meet?" Her behavior brought out my curiosity._

_Again, she didn't answer right away. Her eyes were on the floor_

"_We met.. on my birthday almost a year ago." _

"_Oh, at a birthday party I assume."_

"_No, long after the party actually."_

_She was being evasive but something told me she didn't want to be. She wanted to talk to me. Her face was sad and when she wasn't looking at the wall she would look to the ground. No doubt to hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes._

"_Are you alright dear? Do you need me to get someone for you?"_

"_No, I'm fine. Thank you. Sorry I bothered you ma'am." She walked briskly out of the room leaving me confused._

I didn't see her again for a few weeks and then one day she was there again, visiting with your mother.

"_I'm sorry. I'll go." She stood up from the chair next to Paula's bed and walked past me._

_I grabbed her arm just before she made it to the door._

"_You don't have to leave. The more the merrier and I'm sure Paula won't mind some more company."_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_I'm positive and… I'm Martha." I reached out my hand and she hesitated but then shook it._

"_Well my name badge says that I am Anne, so I guess you can just call me Anne." _

_I looked down at her name badge. It had her name, a photo and a patient number. And here I thought she was just a visitor. _

"_It's nice to meet you.. Anne."_

We talked a bit more that day and every time after that more and more. I learned a lot about her. She asked me to keep _her_ a secret and at the time I found no harm in that.

One day we went for a walk. She was quiet for most of the way. I knew there was something weighing on her mind.

"_Do you believe in forgiveness Martha?"_

"_I believe that if you truly are sorry for the things you have done and you know in your heart and mind that the things you've done were wrong, then you deserve forgiveness. From those you have wronged and from yourself."_

"_What if what you did hurt people?"_

"_What is this about?" The tone of her voice was starting to worry me._

"_Do you think Spencer will ever forgive me?" Tears started to fall from her sad eyes and I wanted to console her but I needed answers first._

"_Forgive you for what dear?"_

_Her voice was shaky but I understood every word… "For hitting her with my car."_

"Wait!" I couldn't hear anymore. Not just yet. It was too much to take in.

"Are you saying that Ashley is Anne? That you met her all of those years ago and talked to her for months and never said anything to me?"

At this point I was pacing. I was trying to wrap my head around everything she had just told me.

Ashley was Anne.

Ashley was a patient at Belleview.

Ashley was visiting my mother.

Ashley knew she had hit me.

I finally stopped pacing and nearly fell. I felt strong arms wrap around me and hold me tight.

"Sit Spence. I'll get you some water."

"Thanks Aid."

This was all just..a little crazy..actually a lot crazy.

"Spencer, I know you have a lot of questions but I can't answer all of them. It's not my place."

Aiden handed me a cup of water and I took a few sips.

"Why was Ashley visiting my mother? How did she know who she was?"

"When she first saw you there she followed you, right to your mother's room. She overheard some conversations you had with her. She heard you tell your mother that you were sorry you couldn't be there for her as much as you wanted to and that you hated the fact that she was alone so much. So she went to sit with her nearly every day, for months."

Oh wow. I closed my eyes and pictured her sitting with my mother, talking to her, sharing that charming personality she had. I bet my mother had loved her.

"If she wanted my forgiveness why did she never ask for it?"

"She wanted to. I talked her into waiting. You needed more time. She agreed to wait until she got out of that place. We talked about you a lot Spencer. She wanted to know what kind of person you were and I explained to her what a beautiful and special girl you were. We also talked about what happened to you that night…. she didn't speak to me for weeks. She was very angry, mostly at herself."

The old, vengeful Spencer may have found joy in knowing that Ashley struggled with guilt over what happened but the new, forgiving Spencer did not.

"So what happened, after she left?"

"I'll get to that but first you need to know some things. Your mother being transferred, your uncle leaving, Ashley made those things happen."

"What? How?" Yes, definitely a lot crazy.

"I talked to your uncle several times about transferring her to a specialized facility but he refused to even listen. One day I was talking to your mother and Ashley overheard. I didn't know it at the time but she made all the arrangements to have her moved, she just needed a signature from your uncle. When I handed him the paperwork he was so angry I thought he was going to fire me right then. I explained to him that she had a friend in Belleview that was going to take care of everything, expenses and all. He signed but not before he made me promise to tell you that it was him that made it happen."

"Ashley was the one who had my mother moved here?"

"Yes dear."

"Why would she do that?"

"She knew she couldn't make things better with you, that you had suffered and couldn't change that. So she wanted to help the only way she could think of."

"_What you did for Paula was wonderful and Spencer was beyond happy."_

"_Well, I can't change what happened that night. I can't take it back. The only thing I can do is try to give back some of the happiness that got taken from her. Even if it is just a little."_

"_What you did was more than .. little. Hopefully Paula can get the proper help and attention now and maybe someday Spencer can have her mother back."_

"_Did she smile when she found out?"_

"_Oh yes. She smiled from ear to ear."_

"_Good."_

I walked over to the window and sat down on the ledge. I don't know why everything was so hard to believe. I knew what kind of person Ashley was now. Of course she would do those things for me.

"Martha, what about my uncle? How?"

"A week after Ashley left Belleview we planned on her coming home with me. She wanted to see you. I had to talk to your uncle about it first. I was already on thin ice with him. He didn't want her to see you. He forbid her from coming to see you."

"Why?" I interrupted.

"No matter how badly your uncle treated you Spencer, he cared about you. In his own sick and psychotic way. He always said that what he was doing was best for you. That you needed to be taught discipline and obedience. It took me a while to figure out; he was training you to be like him. I couldn't have that. I talked with this family Ashley knew about working for them .I was going to take you with me. Of course your uncle found out and that was the last straw; he fired me. I was told to never come back to the premises and to never speak to you again or he would make trouble for me."

"I wish I had known all of this. I wish you would have told me."

"I'm sorry Spencer. I was scared, for myself and for my son."

Martha's son Billy worked for one of my uncle's businesses in Chicago. I had never met him but I know how much he meant to her. He was her world.

"I understand." I did, to a point. I know she would have told me if she felt she could but she kept a lot from me and I felt a little betrayed.

"After he fired me he called the family I was going to go work for. I don't know what was said but they didn't want me after that. Ashley's family took me in. Well actually it was just Ashley. Her father wasn't home much. That summer I decided that I was going to find you and bring you and Ashley together no matter what it took."

"That was the summer he sent me to that summer camp."

"Yes. And shortly after you returned, he left."

"Leaving a letter and some money. What happened? How was Ashley responsible for him leaving?"

"While you were at camp we had him investigated. Turned up quite a bit of dirt. And some things that could get him arrested."

"So you blackmailed him? With what?"

"Yes and no. Ashley didn't want our names brought into it, so she hired someone to talk to him. I'm sure he figured it out on his own that I was somehow behind it but he never did anything about it thankfully . I was so happy he was gone and could no longer hurt you. And I won't tell you any information about the blackmail, it's not something you should or need to be told."

"I actually don't care to know. But thank you for what you did."

"It was the least I could do Spencer."

She stood up, walked to the counter and poured herself a cup of water. Aiden sat down next to me.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I just can't believe all this."

He slid his arm around me and pulled me close. Did I mention how happy I was that he was there? I wouldn't have handled all of this so well on my own.

"What happened after that? Her uncle was gone, why didn't Ashley come?" It was the first time he said anything. He wanted answers as much as I did.

"I can only tell you so much. Please understand that."

"You've kept a lot from Spencer over the years. Made her go through more unnecessary pain. You need to tell her what you know."

"Aiden, it's okay." I assured him.

"Tell me what you can."

"Ashley remembered that night very clearly. Then one day.. she didn't."

"I don't understand. What do you mean? How could she just forget running someone down with her car?"

"Ashley suffered a few too many traumatic experiences that year. She didn't handle it all very well. One day she woke up and poof..it was like none of it ever happened. All of the traumatic events excluding her mother's death had been hidden in her memory. She blocked them all out."

"How is that even possible?"

"There's a few terms for it.. Traumatic Amnesia, Repressed Memory. Your mind has a way to protect itself from major traumatic events. It's like a coping mechanism."

"She blocked out the night that she hit me?"

"Yes, and to this day, it's the one memory that she still hasn't fully recovered."

"Why? And how do you know that?"

"No-one knows why. But her Doctor says she has to remember it on her own. Since you two have become close she has gotten back very small pieces of that night. But she doesn't understand them. She believes that you are a part of a memory she doesn't remember but that's it."

"Well why doesn't she just ask me?"

"Because she is too proud. She wants to remember things on her own."

"This is crazy." I stood up and started pacing again.

"It's crazy but it's the truth Spencer."

"I've lived with Ashley for the past 7 years. That's how I know all of this. Ashley has become like a granddaughter to me. I care about her very much and I still care very much about you."

It all made sense now. The moment she said granddaughter it hit me.

"You're her grandma that's not really her grandma."

"I guess so." She laughed. "Is that what she calls me?"

"Well not a first. But you've been pretty much her only family since her father died right?"

She nodded. I pulled a chair in front of hers and sat down facing her.

"I felt that way about you when we lived with my uncle. I'm glad that you could be there for Ashley."

"Are you?"

I deserved that. Martha knew all about my feelings towards Ashley. She knew I wanted revenge.

"Yes, I am."

"So there isn't some hidden agenda, no plan for revenge? You haven't set out to betray her? The Spencer I remember all of those years ago, she wanted to make Ashley pay. I hoped that as you got older you would move on from all of that. Have you?"

"I understand where all of this is coming from. I do. But that's not who I am anymore. I care about Ashley, very much. Even before you told me all of this. I will admit I spent a lot of time hating her or trying to hate her and I did originally set out to hurt her but… once I spent time with her and got to know her, that all changed very quickly."

She smiled as a tear slowly slid down her cheek.

"That's what I've wanted for so long. For the two of you to meet and realize that this strong connection that you feel, it goes further than that night." She leaned forward in her chair and grabbed hold of my hands.

"I knew the moment Ashley came home with a smile on her face that you had put it there. I have never seen her so happy. And when she talked to me about you, I wanted so badly to tell her everything."

She was right about our connection. I had known it all along. I felt something with Ashley the moment I looked up and into her brown eyes that night. It was all so confusing.

"Is that why you're here? Is that why you're finally telling me everything? Because you can't tell her."

"No, not at all. You were the one who asked to see me and I realized that it was past time. I really am sorry I waited so long. My intentions were never to hurt you."

"I believe you. I have so many questions but I respect your reasons for not wanting to tell me everything. Maybe one day I can ask… Ashley.

"Spencer, why haven't _you_ said anything to Ashley? If you're not out for revenge, why haven't you confronted her?"

"Because I figured out that she didn't remember me and maybe she didn't even remember that night. The last thing I want is for her to remember it. I don't want her to relive it like I have done so many times."

"What happens when she does remember it? Because I believe the more time she spends with you the more she will remember."

"I don't know. She isn't even speaking to me right now so we may not be spending any time together."

"You will. She'll come around." She said sounding sure of herself.

"I need to get going Spencer but I want to talk to you more. Do you think we could meet somewhere for coffee?"

"Yes, I'd like that. Oh, one more question. Ashley stopped visiting my mother because she didn't remember her right? Why did you take her place as Anne?"

"Right, Ashley didn't remember your mother because she didn't remember you. And I couldn't exactly put Martha on the visitor's chart, so I just took Ashley's alias. Anne was her mother's name."

"How have we never ran into each other here?"

"Well we nearly did twice within the last two weeks. I came in late one night which I never do. I saw you leave the room and I snuck in to give her some fresh flowers."

"Ah, yes. The bouquet of flowers. I really like the message you put in it."

"That message was what Ashley had always written on the card. I just continued with that as well."

"It's a beautiful message."

"It is. I nearly ran into you a few days after that. It was a Saturday morning. Usually you didn't show up until at least noon on Saturdays. You were early. I almost walked right into the room but I heard your voice. I heard you talking about Ashley. Your mother actually made eye contact with me and I was so shocked I just stood there for a moment. Then she started calling my name out. I walked into an empty room just as you came out into the hallway. I should have just confronted you then."

"We all have made a lot of mistakes. I just hope that Ashley and I will someday be past all of this because I really do care about her."

"I'm so happy to hear you say that."

Aiden walked Martha to her car and I was a little scared for her. I sat down with my mother and talked to her about everything I had just found out. I still couldn't believe it all. I didn't know what I was going to do next. I just knew that my feelings for Ashley were stronger than ever.

When we got home Aiden sat me down and we talked for another couple hours. I was emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. But I didn't sleep that night. I couldn't.

I got out of bed around 5 a.m. and started getting ready for work but quickly realized I could not go back to work just yet. I couldn't see her yet. I hadn't fully wrapped my head around everything.

"Hey Peyton, do you think you can handle things without me for a few more days?"

"Everything okay Spence?" Her sleepy voice asked. I knew she was still in bed.

"Yeah, I just need a few more days and I need you to be my friend and not my boss and not ask why."

"Why would I not ask why?"

"Please Peyton, just a few days."

"Should I be worried? You didn't get knocked up or arrested or join the circus did you?"

What?!

"Yes, yes and definitely but not in that order."

"Okay good. Just promise me you'll call me if you need to talk."

"I will. Thanks Peyton."

I had a few days. A few days to let everything sink in. A few days until I had to see her.

I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know if I could continue to lie to her knowing what I knew now but I had to.

I just hoped that when she did remember everything and she found out I knew the entire time, well I hope she didn't hate me. I hoped we could get past everything and be happy, maybe even happy together.

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_**Review if you wish. I would love to hear your thoughts/comments**._


	12. Chapter 12 Come clean

**Sooo sorry it took so long. Busy, busy, busy. For now on I am going to reply to all of your reviews via private messaging. Much faster and easier. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. :)**

**_Special thanks to Steph and Purps. Love ya :)_**

_I own nothing but the story._

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_**Chapter 12- Come clean**_

Two days had passed by quickly. I shut my alarm off and laid there for a few minutes. It was Wednesday and I was going back to work today, a day sooner than I had intended. The last few days had done little to relieve my mind.

Tuesday had been a busy day for me. I had lunch with Martha at this little deli in upper Manhattan. We talked about Ashley but for the most part we talk about me. She wanted to know more about the last 7 years. I could tell she was happy for me but at the same time she was sorry that she had missed it all. I heard "I'm sorry Spencer" more times than I can count and even though it hurt that she had stayed away all this time, I knew she cared about me. I had always known. She informed me that Ashley suddenly decided to visit her sister in Paris and was staying for the week. "Sometimes she does things like that." Martha said. I hoped she wasn't doing it to get away from me.

Tuesday night I found myself in Central Park. I needed to take a walk. I needed to clear my head. Right, like that was going to happen. Walking around the gardens that Ashley had loved so much just made me think about her even more, if that was possible.

All I did was think about Ashley. During the day, when doing the simplest things, I would think of her. At night when I lied in bed, I would think about her. If I was being honest with myself, it had been that way for a long time. My thoughts had just changed. I wasn't thinking of that night and ways I could get back at her. I was thinking of what she had done for me and how _I _could _repay_ her. I had picked up the phone several times, even let it ring once, it went straight to voicemail. She was still upset with me.

I sat down and looked up to the sky. I wondered if she was thinking of me too.

The night air became considerably cooler and it started to lightly sprinkle. I headed back to the main street in search of a cab.

When I arrived back home that night, I was once again surprised to see Brooke waiting for me on my couch.

"Brooke, is everything okay?" Thankfully she wasn't in tears this time.

"Yeah, everything is fine. I just needed to see you. There's something we need to talk about."

Her tone was neutral and I wondered what she could possibly need to talk to me about at ten o'clock at night.

"Okaaay."

I looked over to the window. "Wait! Did you break in through the window again?"

She laughed. "No, I knocked..and Aiden let me in. He told me to tell you good night."

I sat down on the couch next to her.

"So what's going on?"

She shifted on the couch so she was facing me.

"I know everything Spence. I know what happened."

The look in her eyes was one of care and concern. I was fairly certain I knew what she was referring to but I needed to be sure.

"What is it that you know?"

"I know what happened 8 years ago. Ashley hit you with her car and …and then she took off." Her voice matched her eyes and it cracked while she said the last part.

"How long have you known?"

"I just found out today." I felt her hand slide over mine. She gave it a light squeeze.

"You didn't know before today?"

She shook her head and looked down.

"How did you not know? Ashley is one of your best friends."

"I knew of the accident. I knew what happened. I didn't know it was you Spence. I swear. I still can't believe it."

"How did you find out?"

"I met Penelope for lunch at the Thai place that's across from the little deli you had lunch at today with Martha. I don't recall Ash ever saying that you had met Martha and I thought it was a bit strange. We were leaving just as you were and I decided to find out what was going on. I went in and had a chat with Martha."

"She told you everything?"

"Yes ... she told me everything."

I stood up and walked towards the window. There were small drops of rain rolling down it and I traced them with my fingers.

"Spencer, I'm trying to understand all of this. Is Ashley the reason you came to the magazine?" She raised her voice a little and I could tell that not only was she concerned about me; she was concerned about Ashley and their magazine.

"Yes." Was all I said. I couldn't lie to her. I was tired of all of the lies.

"Why?"

I heard her coming closer.

"I wanted to get close to her and make her pay for what she did." It came out just above a whisper. Just thinking about it all got me all choked up. A small sob left my throat. With everything that I had been told over the last few days, I had become an emotional wreck.

I felt Brooke's hands on my upper arms. They slid down and she wrapped her arms around me from behind. Her chin rested on my shoulder as she squeezed me tight.

"Talk to me Spence. You can talk to me. I'm here for you."

It felt comforting being in her arms. A friendly comforting. I knew I could talk to her. I wanted to talk to her.

So I did.

I told her everything. From start to finish. And I cried, and she cried. It felt good coming clean with Brooke. She filled in a few things for me as well.

"After the accident, Ashley had a very difficult time. She wanted to go to the police and turn herself in but her father wouldn't let her. He didn't want his good name tarnished and he didn't want Ashley to ruin her future. I don't know what he said to scare her but she listened to him. And then she shut everyone out of her life, including Peyton and I. I didn't know any details of the accident. Ashley wouldn't talk to me. I went to see her as soon as I had found out.."

"_Hey Ash, I came as soon as I heard. Are you okay?"_

_She was lying on her bed with her face smashed into the pillow. When she didn't answer me I walked over and sat down next to her on her bed._

"_Ashley? I'm here if you want to talk. It might help." I ran my fingers over her hair and she jumped and nearly pushed me off of the bed._

_She finally looked at me but it was more of a glare. Her eyes were red and mascara marks ran down her cheeks._

"_Go home." She demanded in a harsh tone._

"_I'm not going anywhere. I'm your best friend and you need me right now."_

_With that she abruptly sat up and slid off the bed. She pointed at the door. "Go!"_

_I didn't say anything. I just shook my head._

"_I don't want to talk about it. How is talking about it going to help me?" She yelled. _

"_I got in a car, after drinking all night and ran a girl down." She laughed and I know it wasn't because she thought it was funny. "And then.." She continued. "Then I left her there, on the street, broken. She looked me in the eyes and she begged me not to leave and...I left anyway." She picked up a potted plant that was on her dresser and threw it across the room. It landed on the ground, shattered. _

"_Tell me best friend of mine, how is talking about it going to help?"_

_No, she didn't think it was funny at all. She was beyond angry and it was scaring me._

"_I'm sorry Ash." I knew that wasn't going to help but I had to say it._

"_Sorry for what Brooke? Sorry for leaving my party to go hang out with your fucking girlfriend or sorry for leaving me to deal with a messed up and wasted Peyton on my own. It was my birthday Brooke; we were supposed to have a good time. We were supposed to have fun and celebrate, together. "_

"_It was a horrible night, the worst of my life." She walked over and bent down, picking up the glass from the pot. When she stood up she held her hands out._

"_Look at that.." The pieces from the pot were in her trembling hands._

"_I guess this is what I do now… I break things. Pots… people." The anger that was pouring out of her was replaced with tears. She dropped to her knees and started sobbing. I held her for a few minutes but then she pushed me off of her and ran out of the room. _

"I didn't see her for months after that. She wouldn't answer my calls and I wasn't allowed at the house. It was the same for Peyton. They had gotten into an argument; she wouldn't tell me what was said. She just said that Ashley was angry with her and told her she didn't want her in her life anymore. I asked Peyton about the accident and she told me what had happened but she didn't know who you were. She just knew it was a young girl."

Once again, I was in tears. To hear what Ashley went through and to find out that she pretty much went through it alone, it killed me. I never wanted that for her. I always assumed that she had family and friends… and I was the one who had no-one.

It made so much more sense to me now. How Peyton could have not known who I was confused me. Even if she hadn't seen my face that night she had to have at least known my name. I guess not. You don't know the relief that washed over me hearing that she didn't know anything. As upset as I had been that she told Ashley to leave me there, I knew I couldn't be mad at her for what happened. Obviously she wasn't herself that night; she wasn't the caring person I had known for the last few years.

"She was so angry at us. She was hateful towards Peyton though. Maybe that had something to do with what happened that night on the street and what you heard."

_"Just call 911 and then we'll go."_

_"We can't just leave her there."_

_"We've been drinking. We'll go to jail."_

_"I'll call 911 and then..then we'll leave."_

"Yeah, maybe."

"So what now Spence?"

"I don't know. Martha said that Ashley's doctors think it's best for her to remember on her own. But I honestly don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Lying to her. I don't know how you all have did it for so long."

"It hasn't been easy. But to be honest Spencer, I really hadn't thought about it much." She paused and let out a breath. "I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago. And it's not like you were there. Of course you wouldn't think much of it."

"Still..I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. For keeping it from you."

"I always knew you had secrets. I just didn't think that they were this big." She chuckled.

I didn't laugh with her, just forced a half smile.

"What? Is there more?" She asked suddenly serious.

"While we are being honest…I…I originally took an interest in you because I thought you and Ashley were a couple. I thought I could… take you away from her."

Now it was her turn to stand up and walk towards the window. The rain had turned into a storm and the light from the lightning filled every room of the condo.

"I'm sorry Brooke. But I also want you to know that I do care about you and was very much attracted to you. It wasn't all about Ashley."

"I know." She said quietly but didn't turn away from the window.

"I was there with you that night. That was definitely not about Ashley." She added.

I nodded even though she couldn't see me. I didn't think about Ashley at all that night. All I thought about was Brooke. The way she nibbled on my bottom lip, the way she dug her nails into my back, the way she cursed and made demands, her scent, her taste, the hoarseness in her voice when she yelled out my name.

"No... it wasn't." I admitted.

"Well thank you for being honest with me... about everything." She said finally turning towards me.

"Better late than never right?" I shrugged.

"Yeah.. right. So where do we go from here Spence? Can I trust you when it comes to the magazine and when it comes to my best friend?"

"You can trust me Brooke. You guys are all like my family. I love you guys and even though I hate my job at times, I do love the magazine."

"I'm sorry I had to ask Spence. I know you've been through a lot but so has Ash. I need to know that you aren't going to hurt her in anyway."

"I don't want to hurt Ashley... I..."

_The sound of her voice at times sent shivers down my spine. Especially when directed at me. I was taken back to that night. Flashes of her. Flashes of her eyes looking down at me and her lips as she spoke. I almost felt the warmth that her hand had created in mine._

…_she also made me feel safe that night. She made me feel as though everything was going to be alright. Even for just those mere minutes she was by my side._

_We held eye contact for a few seconds. My blue eyes melting into her brown. She leaned towards me and my heart started to race. I think I stopped breathing. Her warm lips pressed against my cheek and I closed my eyes._

_I missed her already. I missed her smile, her laugh, her hand holding mine and of course those eyes. Those eyes that I had memorized for years._

…_.even though the kiss only lasted for a few seconds, it was the best kiss I had ever had._

_My eyes were always looking for Ashley and every time they found her I noticed that hers were on me. She would give me that charming smile and my heart would beat just a little faster_

…_after all these years I didn't want her to hurt her.. I wanted to protect her._

_I hoped we could get past everything and be happy, maybe even happy together._

_All I did was think about Ashley. During the day, when doing the simplest things, I would think of her. At night when I lied in bed, I would think about her._

"I could never hurt her…I love her."

I was just as surprised as Brooke when the words left my mouth.

"Oh wow." She said in shock.

"Yeah … wow." I agreed.

And I didn't miss the giant smile that quickly spread across her face.

She left just after midnight after we had talked a little more. It had been yet another emotionally exhausting night but this time I didn't have any trouble falling asleep. My head hit the pillow and the last image I remember was hers. Ashley. The woman I was in love with.

A little after 5:30, I finally rolled out of bed and jumped in the shower. Those two days off did nothing to relieve my mind. I still didn't know what to think of everything. I still didn't know what to say and I certainly did not know what I was going to do.

I wanted to confront her. To tell her I was sorry and to thank her for what she did for me and my mother. I wanted to grab a hold of her and never let her go. I wanted to be with Ashley now more than ever. But what was she going to do when she found out? She was angry and upset with me for my almost betrayal. What was she going to do when she found out she hit me with her car? How was she going to handle that? How was she going to handle everyone keeping it from her? Especially me.

I walked into Peyton's office and my eyes opened wide as saucers. It was as if the F.B.I. had come and turned the place up looking for something.

"About time you got here." Peyton said walking towards me.

"Don't just stand there, get to work." She lifted her hand to my chin and closed my mouth for me. It had dropped open as I looked around the tornado wreckage of an office.

"What do you want me to do? Where do I start?" I said frazzled.

She looked over at me and laughed.

"I have no idea Spence."

Luckily Friday came fast and as I was packing up my bag to leave Brooke walked into the room.

"Hey Spencer, I'm glad I caught you before you left."

"What's up?"

"I wanted to invite you to my house in the Hamptons. We have a 3 day weekend and usually spend the holiday there. Everyone is going and I want you there too. You can bring Aiden if you want. We're leaving tonight but you can come up in the morning if you would like."

"Sounds wonderful. Are you sure you want me to come?"

"Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I?"

"No reason. I'll be there and I will make Aiden come along."

"Good. Oh and it's right off the beach so bring your bathing suit. Here's the address."

She handed me a small piece of paper.

"Ashley will be there. You two need to patch things up."

And there was that smile again. She had told me several times that she was happy and that she hoped Ashley and I could get through everything that no doubt would eventually come down on us. I certainly hoped so too. But first I had to get her to talk to me.

"Good .. and I agree."

"I'll see ya later then."

It didn't take much begging for Aiden to say yes. All I had to mention is that Peyton was going to be there and he smiled like a teenage boy with his first crush. We decided to wait til morning to leave. We both knew I still wasn't quite ready to face her.

We left the house around 9 a.m. and took a cab to get a car rental. And after a 2 hour drive we finally arrived. It was a small, older, village style house located right off of the ocean. I couldn't picture Brooke buying this house. It just didn't fit her style. She was more into the modern style. A narrow, stoned path led us to a side door that was shut. We kept walking and found ourselves at the back of the house. There was a small, cozy and covered patio area covered in ivy and strings of lights. Some wicker furniture, a barbeque grill and small bar took up most of the patio. I noticed a note taped to the back, sliding door. It was a note from Brooke telling me they were down at the beach. Also a P.S. from Peyton.

_Put on your bathing suits and get your hot ass bodies down here_.

The inside of the house looked similar to the outside, old and antique. I walked around in awe and confusion. This could not really be Brooke's house. In fact, it reminded me a lot of Ashley. Especially the books lining the shelves on the wall in the hallway, all old pieces of literature. After throwing on our bathing suits we headed down the long wooded pathway to the beach. I heard Brooke's laughter right away. The three of them were lying in lounge chairs about 10 ft. from the water.

"Well hello ladies." Aiden said as we walked up beside them. Ever since Aiden and his girlfriend had broken up the old Aiden, the one from college had reappeared. I loved this Aiden, he was much more fun.

We all greeted each other. Well except for Ashley that is. She kept her face straight ahead and into the magazine she was reading. I couldn't see her eyes, like mine they were hidden behind sunglasses.

I can't quite explain the feeling I got when I first laid eyes on her, knowing what I did now. All I can say is that I was even surer of it now, that I was in love with her. My heart literally ached to just be near her, to just have her look at me again like she had so many times.

My eyes drifted slowly down her fit and tanned body. Taking in every inch and every curve of its flawlessness. The small black bikini she was wearing fit her perfectly and left little room for imagination. But that didn't stop me. I had plenty of images running through my head.

I was thankful that my eyes were hidden behind sunglasses as well because I could not take my eyes off of her.

Aiden nudged my side and I was forced to look over at him.

"Wha..huh?"

He smirked at me.

"I said, I'm going to run up to the store with Peyton to get some snacks and such, do you want me to pick you up anything?"

"Oh, uh, sure. You know what I like. Thanks."

They walked back up the pathway to the house but not before Peyton stopped to kiss me on the cheek and thank me for coming… followed by a wink. Why did that simple motion scare me so much?

"I'm going to go make some more drinks. Be right back."

Brooke smiled; it matched her smile from the night we talked about Ashley. Speaking of, I was now alone with her. I took a deep breath and sat down on the lounger next to her.

"Ashley?"

She just sat there, obviously ignoring my presence.

"Ashley, we need to talk."

She refused to acknowledge me in anyway.

"Ashley, I know you're mad. You have every right to be. But please don't shut me out. Please talk to me, say anything."

Finally she set her magazine down and looked over at me.

"What do you want me to say Spencer?"

Oh how I had missed the sound of her voice. But the sadness in it cut me deep, knowing that I was the reason for it.

"Just..say that you know I wouldn't hurt you. That you know and believe that I am sorry."

"I'm not going to lie to make you feel better Spencer."

Ouch! Alright, now what? She was still quite mad at me.

"So you don't believe that I never meant to hurt you, you don't believe that I'm sorry?"

"I don't know what to believe." She sighed and laid her head back.

I spun sideways in the lounger so I was facing her.

"I care about you Ashley. I was mad okay and I was a little bit drunk and I made a rash decision. But I didn't go through with it. I couldn't. There's something here between us Ashley. You can be mad at me all you want you want but you can't deny that."

She looked off to the side and sighed again. I understood that she was upset but I didn't know _why_ she was so upset. There was a lot I didn't understand about her. There was a lot I didn't know.

"I need to go for a walk."

She stood up and started walking down the beach. I sat back in the lounger and rubbed my face before throwing my head back and closing my eyes.

"Spencer?!" I heard her call out and opened my eyes immediately. She had stopped and was looking at me in question.

"Are you coming or are you just going to sit there and pout?"

I didn't waste a second on thinking and was up and walking towards her as fast as I could. She held out her hand and you don't know the feeling of relief and happiness that washed over me...when she smiled.

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**_I would love to hear your thoughts :)_**


	13. Chapter 13 Scars

**Thank you everyone for reading and for reviewing. If you didn't get a response from me, your private messaging is disabled or you did not sign in. Thanks again. I really enjoy reading your comments and appreciate them very much.**

_**Special thanks to Steph (for her... questioning) and Purps! You guys are the best! 3**_

_As always, I own nothing but the story._

_This chapter is a tad bit **"Rated M**"... just a tad bit_.

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_**Chapter 13 - Scars**_

The waves were rolling in, seagulls were squawking in the distance and you could faintly hear music coming from one of the beach houses. We walked in silence for more than 20 minutes after she told me to be quiet. I tried to apologize once again but she very politely shushed me.

"It's so beautiful here." She finally said, breaking the silence.

"It really is." I agreed cautiously, hoping she wouldn't shush me again.

She stopped walking and faced me, a very serious look on her face.

"I'm really glad that you came this weekend. I … I missed you."

She reached for my hand and I happily gave it to her.

"I've missed you too Ashley, it's the reason I came. I needed to see you."

She smiled and her nose crinkled, so adorable.

"I really am sorry Ash. I never wanted to hurt you or make you question your trust in me."

"I know."

We started walking again, hand in hand. I loved the way her hand fit so perfectly in mine.

"So, you went to Paris huh?"

"Yeah, I needed to get away for a little while. I'm glad I did, it was so good seeing Kyla. I'm sorry I didn't answer any of your calls. I was a little hurt but also angry and the anger had nothing to do with you. I didn't want to take it out on you. I'm sorry I ignored you."

"It's fine Ash. I knew you were upset. Why were you angry? Carmen?"

"I told you Carmen couldn't be trusted Spence. She's been looking for a way to get back at me and Brooke for years. She's been trying to break up our friendship."

"I got that. But why?"

"I've known Carmen since kindergarten. We were best friends all throughout elementary school and most of junior high. Then her family moved to Chicago and we lost touch. Not long after we started the magazine she moved back here. We met up several times over the span of a month and became close friends again. It was easy; we had so much in common. At the time, my assistant quit and I was looking for a replacement. I wanted someone I could trust and I knew Carmen had been looking for a job. So I offered her the job and she eagerly accepted it. Everything was fine for the first year. I was able to maintain my friendship with her and Brooke and Peyton. But Brooke didn't like her... or trust her. And Carmen felt the same for Brooke. I fought with Brooke a lot about Carmen and it put a strain on our relationship and started to affect the magazine. So I begged the two of them to try to get along, for the sake of the magazine and for a while they were civil to each other. But the more time Carmen had spent around the three of us, the more I realized that maybe Brooke was right. Maybe she couldn't be trusted. She was very temperamental and started doing things that made me question her friendship. Eventually I started to back away from Carmen and she wasn't happy. That's when she started giving information about the magazine to an associate at New York Woman. The associate gave Carmen up but wouldn't give us any proof of her betrayal. So over the last year or so we have just kind of had a business relationship. But I knew she was just looking for the right moment and some help to take me down. I'm glad you turned her down."

"I realized that hurting you wasn't going to make me feel better. And her plan…it was ridiculous."

I laughed and she joined me, shaking her head.

"It was pretty ridiculous." She admitted.

We walked down to the end of the private property and then turned back around. It was nice just going for a walk and talking to her. It felt like we were on a date. We talked a lot about work and she talked about her sister Kyla. She had just graduated from college at the top of her class. She wanted to go to a third world country and teach. She was very ambitious and had a huge heart. When Ashley talked about her I could tell how proud she was of her little sister. I could tell how much she loved and missed her. And then she asked about my family. I didn't want to get into it. We were having a good and light conversation but she pushed the issue. I told her about my dad and brother and that my mother was sick. I told her she had a mental condition and was getting treatment for it. After that she didn't press the issue anymore. She could see it was making me upset. "We'll talk about this later down the road." She said. I was excited about the possibilities of "later down the road". There would be a lot of obstacles in our way. I only hoped we could get through them.

"Let's sit." She said while pulling me down to the sand with her.

I lost my balance and landed on top of her.

"Sorry, I'm such a… klutz." I stopped breathing when I realized how close we were.

She was leaning on her forearms, supporting the both of us.

"Breathe Spence." She smiled and shook her head slightly.

I guess I did that a lot with her. So not my fault, have you seen Ashley Davies?

"Don't apologize. I've been in worse situations." She said. Her eyes were looking directly into mine. She had to see the desire in mine. The desire to kiss her, to touch her, to taste her. Our lips were centimeters apart, both parted, both anxious to touch and taste the others. Every inch of my being was telling me to kiss her, urging me to do what we both wanted, but I couldn't.

I needed her to make the first move.

I felt her shift a little underneath me and then her hand touched my face, moving some hair behind my ear and caressing my cheek. I closed my eyes to her warm and familiar touch. Then finally, her lips were on mine. The kiss was soft and slow, my heart started to beat so fast I thought it would burst out of my chest. It was a sweet and gentle kiss but yet so passionate.

When she pulled away I sighed. I missed the feeling of her lips on my own.

She smiled. "We have plenty of time Spence."

I slid off of her but stayed close. I needed to feel her warm skin against mine.

"I need to talk to you about something." Her hand was on my leg and I covered it with my own, giving it a little squeeze.

"There are moments of my past that I can't remember. Memories I blocked out and haven't been able to get back." She paused and turned so that she was facing me. "One of those memories I blocked out is of you isn't it? We've met before … haven't we?"

I froze. I didn't expect her to ask me.

"Spencer, you can talk to me. I just need to know that I'm not crazy and seeing things. Because that day, the day you fell, I saw you. It was a bit blurry and confusing but I saw you."

"Yes." It was all I could manage to get out. I wanted to tell her everything but I was so scared she would run away from me. The least I could do what tell her she wasn't crazy.

"We met, very briefly."

I looked over at her, confusion all over her face but relief as well.

"Why haven't you said anything… before now?"

"I didn't think you remembered me."

"I don't." She shook her head. "I don't remember the details Spence but I remember you. The day on the stairs, when you fell, that wasn't the first time I've seen you in my head. I've seen you before... in my dreams."

"It's normal to have dreams about someone you see almost every day Ash."

"Yeah it is. But I had these dreams before we met, before you started working at the magazine."

I didn't know what to say. I was shocked but at the same time it was understandable. I was somewhere deep in her memories. And I believed dreams meant something. Maybe her dreams were trying to tell her something or help her remember.

"You didn't seem to recognize me when we met, which is why I didn't think you remembered me."

"I had seen you several times before that, at work, when I was in your department. I was prepared. And I hid it well. You have no idea what was going on inside me when we met. I couldn't explain it at the time and I can't explain it now. There is an unmistakable connection between the two us. That I do know." She lifted my hand to her lips and kissed the top of it.

"I'm really glad we met…again."

"Me too." I was glad I got to meet her again too, the real Ashley, not the one I had made up in my head.

And there it was again. The constant questioning. Should I tell her? How will she react? Will she be angry with me? Will she self-destruct?

"It's okay Spence. You don't have to say anything. I'll remember in time. And it's probably best that I remember on my own. As intrigued as I am to find out how we met it must not have been that exciting, or else you probably would have said something before."

Oh how I wished she were right.

"You're right. It wasn't very exciting, at all. And like I said, it was very brief." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the truth either.

"I actually don't believe any of that. You had to leave some kind of impression on me for you to still be in my mind."

"Yeah well, I do give great first impressions."

She laughed and shook her head. I was thankful for her not pressing it anymore even though she had to have been confused and want answers.

"We should get back. I'm getting hungry."

The walk back was much different. She never let go of my hand and I wouldn't let her if she tried. We talked a bit more about her memory loss. She believed she would get it back in time. Her doctor had told her that in time all of her memories would come back to her, some would take longer than others. Over and over and over again in my head I played out telling her. None of her reactions were the one I was looking for. They were all bad. I would be devastated if she never talked to me again but that's not all I was afraid of. I didn't want her to go through it all again. I didn't want her to relive the horrible night and the days after. Especially knowing now, how she had taken it. I didn't want her to hurt like that again.

I made a lot of bad decisions in my life but not telling Ashley, in that moment wasn't one of them. At least to me it wasn't. It might have been wrong in some eyes to not tell her but I was willing to be wrong. The longer Ashley went without remembering what happened…the better.

I was glad that she wanted to remember on her own. I didn't know if I could tell her. I did know that when she did find out, there might not be anything I could say or do to help her or ... keep her in my life.

I wanted to ask her about the "traumatic events" that Martha had spoken of but I figured she would have told me if she wanted me to know. Maybe she would… later down the road.

"Let's make a deal Spencer. Let's forget about the past and all of its bullshit and just enjoy this beautiful weekend… together."

It sounded like a great idea to me.

We finally made it back to the house and found everyone up on the patio. Brooke was on the phone and sitting on the couch, very close might I add, were Aiden and Peyton. Hmmm?

Brooke tossed her phone on the table when we walked up.

"Did you two make up?" She looked down at our entwined hands and gave us her all-out dimpled smile.

I looked over at Ashley and she looked over at me.

"Yeah, we did." She said, followed by a smile of her own. As much as I loved Brooke's dimples, Ashley's smile made me heart do flips. Much like it was doing in that moment.

"Yay!" Brooke cheered. She hugged the both of us and kissed us on the cheek.

"I was just about to fire up the grill. You guys hungry?" Aiden asked.

"I am starving!" Ashley said dramatically.

"Fire it up Aiden. I'm going to go put something on over this. Be right back." Hesitantly I let go of Ashley's hand.

"Hurry back." She whispered before she lightly pecked my cheek.

When I got to the guest room I called Janice, my mother's nurse, to check up on her. This would be one of the only Saturday's I would not be visiting my mother. It made me feel a little better knowing that Martha would be there. She promised to explain why I wasn't coming.

I hung up the phone and tossed it on the bed. When I turned around I was startled by Ashley. She was leaning up against the door frame.

"Hey." She said, and even though it wasn't meant to be sexy, it was.

"Hi."

"You're not dressed yet."

"No, I had to call my mom's nurse and let her know I wasn't coming this week. Just give me a minute."

"Do you want to talk about your mom? We have time before lunch." She was so sweet.

"We are supposed to be enjoying our weekend remember? No more sad stories."

"Right."

She moved into the room. "You don't have to change ya know? You look… fine… the way you are."

"I know, I'm just not comfortable with walking around in a bathing suit all day." I gave her a shy smile and looked down.

"Why not? You're beautiful Spencer." Suddenly she was right in front of me. I looked up into her brown eyes and I knew she meant it.

"Are you uncomfortable because of the scar on your stomach?"

I took a deep breath. I knew I couldn't hide it from her for long but I hoped that she wouldn't ask about it.

I shook my head.

"Is that from the same accident where you hurt your leg?"

"Yeah… I had a ruptured spleen and they had to remove it." I looked down at the six inch scar underneath my left ribcage. You could barely notice it now; it had faded over the years.

"Must have been a bad accident."

"It was."

"Spence, you don't need to feel self-conscious about the scar. You can barely see it."

"I'm not bothered by it. I'm just not a bathing suit kind of girl okay. And _you_ saw it."

"Well I wasn't the only one doing the once over, or twice over for that matter, behind my sunglasses." She gave me a sexy smirk.

"You're so cute ya know. One minute you're shy and the next you're…. not."

"It's you Spencer. You make me feel differently than everyone else."

"Different?"

"A good different. For the past couple years I've just been.. empty. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe it was the loss of memory, I'm not sure. The only thing I am sure of is that when I spend time with you I feel different. I feel happy and … alive. You fill that emptiness with just the simplest things. Your smile, your laughter, and the way you look at me." She paused and ran her hand through my hair, and then her fingers glided over my cheek and stopped on my lips. "The way you kiss me."

She leaned in slowly, our noses touched and she smiled at me before her lips finally met mine. They glided together so perfectly and it didn't take long until her tongue was sweeping across my bottom lip, begging to deepen the kiss. My hands grabbed ahold of her hips and pulled her into me. I needed to feel her closer. Her warm skin was so soft under my fingertips as I caressed her lower back. When I felt her do the same, I quietly moaned into her mouth. I had never been affected so much by kissing someone. But kissing Ashley was always so passionate. I gave her everything I had and she gave me back the same. I was getting light headed and my knees started to weaken but it wasn't enough to pull me away from her lips. I couldn't get enough of them or her amazingly talented tongue. Just the thought of what she could do with it was driving me insane with lust for her.

Finally she pulled away and I let her take a quick breath before I reclaimed her perfect, plush lips. She started walking backwards, pulling me with her until we both fell onto the bed. We only broke free from each other for seconds before our bodies tangled themselves into each other and her mouth was back on mine. But it didn't stay there for long. It made its way to my neck, nipping and licking. I was slowly losing any control I had left and I was okay with that. Every inch of my body now belonged to her.

Her mouth was everywhere all at once. My neck, my ear, my shoulders. My head was spinning, I needed her so badly.

"What happened to slow?" I somehow managed to get out though out of breath.

She was kissing my neck again and stopped to look up at me.

"Do you want me to stop?" Her voice was low and raspy. Suddenly I felt pressure between my legs as her knee came in contact with my center.

"No, God no."

Uncontrollably, my back arched of the bed. I could feel myself starting to flood with desire for her. Her knee repeated the action and I let out a moan.

"I want you so bad Spencer." She whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. A trail of wet kisses started at just below my ear and stopped just above my breast.

She looked back up at me, I'm sure my eyes told her exactly what I wanted, which was her, everywhere. I was surprised when she leaned up and kissed me gently.

"I think I'm in love with you." She whispered and my heart stopped…and then melted.

I didn't know what to say. I felt the same for her but couldn't get the words out. So I showed her instead. I cradled her face in my hands and kissed her with every ounce of passion and fire within me. My heart was back to beating again, and very fast. I couldn't describe what I felt for her in that moment. It was new and overwhelming and it made me want her even more. Her lips left mine once again and slid down my chin, over my neck and now hovered above my breast. Those deep chocolate eyes peered up at me, doing things to my body I had never felt before… she was asking for permission…

"Please Ashley." … and I gave it to her.

She pushed up the bottom of my bikini top and her fingers brushed against my nipples. I gasped as I felt her warm breath blowing softly on them and when she wrapped her mouth around a now hard nipple, I gripped the bed sheets around me and bit my bottom lip trying to suppress the loud moan that was building deep within me. She did the same with the other nipple, all the while her eyes never left mine and the way she was looking at me was adding to the ache growing between my legs.

She covered my breast with her hands as she moved her mouth lower. Her tongue ran over every inch of my abs and as my fingers tangled through her unruly curls, it took everything in me to not push her head lower. I wanted her lower, I needed her lower but her mouth landed on a different sensitive area... the scar on the side of my stomach.

She kissed it over and over again and I closed my eyes and almost immediately a tear escaped from underneath the closed lids. The irony of it all was not lost on me. The woman, I had for so long thought of when I saw that scar, thought of in a bad way, was now kissing it, caressing it with her mouth.

"You are so beautiful Spence." She whispered against my skin. "Every part of you."

I couldn't hold back the tears even if I knew how. I didn't know how to handle it all. I just knew it was too much. A soft whimper left my mouth uncontrollably and she stopped suddenly. My eyes were still closed as the tears slid down my cheeks.

"Spencer?"

"Spencer what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Her voice cracked, asking for answers. I didn't have any I could give her.

"No." I cried out.

"What happened? Why are you crying?"

Her hand started caressing my cheek, wiping away my tears with her thumb.

"Spence, please talk to me."

Finally I opened my eyes to look at her. I could see the look of panic in hers.

"I'm sorry Ashley. I just, I just need a moment." I gently pushed her aside and walked as fast as I could into the bathroom, locking myself inside.

I sat down on the side of the tub and put my head in my hands.

"I'll give you all the time you need Spence. But don't push me away. Talk to me. Please"

"I'm sorry Ash. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just me."

There was silence for a moment.

"Okay… just promise me you'll talk to me Spence… when you're ready."

I stood up, walked to the door and leaned into it.

"I will Ash. I promise."

I didn't hear anything else after that. I was guessing she left. I closed my eyes and sighed.

My mind flashed back to everything that had just happened. Her confession, her eyes, her mouth all over me. Everything was so amazing. She was amazing.

"What am I going to do?" I whispered to myself.

I promised I would talk to her and I had to. I couldn't let this go on any longer. As much as I wanted to protect her from the truth, I knew I couldn't do it any longer. I didn't want to lie to her anymore. She deserved to know. She deserved an explanation of my sudden meltdown.

"Spencer, open up." Aiden said after knocking lightly on the door.

I opened the door and he stood in the door way for a few seconds before walking towards me and taking me in his arms. I sobbed into his shirt as he held me.

"I love her so much Aiden. I can't keep this from her anymore. I don't want to hurt her but… I'm hurting her now."

"I know Spence. I know." He didn't know, but it was still comforting hearing him say it. Aiden had been through this whole three sixty I had done with Ashley. If anyone did know, even a little, what I was going through, it was him.

"I have to tell her." I said sternly, pulling out of his grip.

I wiped my eyes and walked out of the bathroom and … uh, when did Peyton come in?

She was sitting on the end of the bed, her eyes telling me she heard everything.

"She's right." She said, looking at the wall.

"What are you talking about Peyton?" Aiden asked.

She looked over at me, those eyes boring into mine.

"Ashley needs to know what happened that night. She needs to know what happened to you."

What did she mean by that? Did she know it was me the whole time?

"You knew it was me? When? For how long?" I couldn't hide the ache in my voice as the words left my trembling lips.

"I've always known it was you Spencer."

* * *

_**Review if you wish. I would love to hear what you think :)**_


	14. Chapter 14 Another side of the story

_**Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing. If you didn't get a review reply, your PM is disabled or you didn't sign in**. _

**_Special thanks to Steph and Purps, you guys rock!_**

_I own the story, that's it!_

* * *

**_Chapter 14- Another side of the story_**

_April 20, 2004_

"_Peyton, Peyton, where are you? Are you up here?" _

"_Ash?" I whispered out. _

"_Peyton?"_

"_In heeere." I didn't know where I was… or how I got here._

"_What the hell Peyton. I've been looking everywhere for you."_

"_Soorry Ash. Where are we?"_

"_That lame ass party you brought me to. You don't remember?"_

"_Ummm. I remember someone named Jaccckkk. He tasted goooood."_

"_Yeah I bet. You drank the whole bottle. Come on, let's get out of here."_

_I tried to stand up but fell back down._

"_Oooh, dizzy."_

"_Wonderful." She said. I could tell she was pissed. You could always tell when Ashley was mad. She always closed her eyes and internally counted to ten._

"_We're getting the hell out of here Peyton. This is NOT how I wanted to spend my birthday."_

"_Okay, Okaaay. Where's Brooke?"_

"_Brooke left almost 2 hours ago, right before you disappeared on me."_

"_I'm sorry Ash. I'm sorry your birthday has been so shitty."_

"_Let's just get out of here. Try to stand up again."_

_I stood up and she helped me out of the door, out of the house and to the car._

"_Do not throw up in my car. I will never forgive you. Ever."_

_She helped me in and buckled the seat belt for me._

"_Thanks Ashy."_

"_You throw up and I'll unbuckle you and literally kick you out of the car. Got it?"_

"_Got it."_

_It started to rain the minute we pulled away from the curb. I was already having a hard enough time seeing and the water splashing against the window was making it worse._

"_I'm really sorry Ash. I shouldn't have gotten drunk. It was your birthday; you were supposed to be the one who had too much to drink." It was always me; I was the drunken one of the bunch._

"_It wasn't just the fact that you got drunk Peyton, you disappeared on me. I was worried sick."_

"_I'm sorry." I said in a low voice and hung my head._

"_Whatever. Let's just get home and get you to bed."_

_She was super pissed. I didn't blame her. She didn't even want to go out. She wanted to stay home and just hang out. Just the three of us. Brooke left with her girlfriend and then I went upstairs with this hot guy. We didn't have sex but only because I threw up on him. I wasn't about to tell Ashley that. Then she would yell at me for almost hooking up with a stranger._

_Ashley was always taking care of me. Ever since sophomore year in high school when I was getting picked on by these senior girls. She was the most popular girl in our grade. All the guys wanted to be with her and all of the girls wanted to be her… you know the usual cliché hot cheerleader. She walked up to me and threw her arm around my shoulder. The senior girls looked at her strangely and she introduced me as her good friend Peyton. I didn't even know she knew my name. It turns out she had a small crush on me. Who knew Ashley Davies, Junior Varsity Cheerleading Captain would have a crush on Peyton Sawyer, School's Biggest Nerd. But surprisingly she did and of course I had to turn her down. Even though she was embarrassed, she continued to hang out with me and I became best friends with her and Brooke. It wasn't long before I became part of the popular crowd but I didn't care about that. I was just happy to have two really good friends who shared a lot in common with me. By senior year we were in our own little world. That's when the dreams of having our own magazine started. It was all we cared about, fashion and fashion magazines._

"_Peyton, you awake over there?"_

"_Yeah, just thinking."_

"_About what?"_

"_How you always take care of me."_

"_I'm glad you've noticed. I love you Peyton, you're my best friend but it would be nice for you to take care of me for once."_

"_I know, I am a horrible friend."_

"_No, you're…. Oh My God!"_

…_.._

_Ashley slammed on her brakes and the car jerked forward._

"_What the fuck was that?" It sounded like we hit something._

"_I don't know. I didn't see it until the last minute."_

_She opened the car door and got out. I stood there a second trying to catch my breath. When I finally got out of the car I noticed Ashley hadn't moved. She was still by her door._

"_Ash?" She was frozen. _

_I walked around the car. _

"_Oh no. No." _

_There was a girl; at least I think it was a girl, lying on the side of the curb._

_Suddenly, I was completely sober. _

"_Ash?"_

_She finally looked over at me._

_"What are you waiting for? Call 911." I was starting to panic._

_"Go see if she's okay." She said. Her voice was shaky._

_"What? No you go. You hit her." I didn't mean for it to come out like that but I was freaking the fuck out._

_"I can't. I'm scared." _

_She wasn't the only one. What the hell were we going to do?_

_"Just call 911 and then we'll go." We could call 911 and they could send someone out and she would be fine. I repeated it in my head several times trying to convince myself that everything would be okay._

_"We can't just leave her there." She cried out._

_"We've been drinking. We'll go to jail." Maybe it's better that way. Once my dad finds out, he won't be happy. "Or even worse."_

_She looked back over at the girl and then back at me._

_"I'll call 911 and then. Then we'll leave." _

_She was hesitant but then she opened the car door and pulled out her cellphone. _

"_Wait, don't. If you call then they will know it was us. I'll go up to one of the houses and tell them we saw a girl lying in the street. I'll have them call."_

"_O-okay." Her hand was shaking as she held her cell phone. I pulled it out of her hand._

"_Go see if she's okay Ash." _

_She closed her eyes and when they opened, I saw the fear in them. _

"_Go. I'll make sure help is on the way."_

_She didn't say anything. She just nodded and started walking towards the girl._

_I found a house with lights on and knocked. It was an elderly woman with the thickest glasses I had ever seen. Good choice, I told myself. She frantically ran to her phone after I told her. When I got back to the car I noticed Ashley was still with the girl. It looked like she was talking to her. That was a good sign._

_She turned around and gave me an almost haunted look. Maybe it wasn't a good sign._

"_Did you call yet? She's badly hurt."_

_I shook my head yes and she turned back to the girl. I thought about going over to them but I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it. _

"_Ash, come here."_

_She said something to the girl and then walked over to me._

"_How is she?"_

"_She's in bad shape Peyton. But she seems to be breathing okay. I think, I think she hurt her leg real bad and she keeps clutching her side."_

"_Help is on the way Ash. She'll be okay."_

_She nodded again and then walked back over to the girl._

_After a few minutes I heard a door creak open. I turned around to see the old lady hanging out of her door. Shit. We had to go._

_I saw Ash take her coat off and lay it over the girl. Not a good idea if you ask me. Ashley never was a fan of C.S.I._

"_Ash, come on. We have to go."_

_I knew she didn't want to leave her there but we had no choice._

_She finally stood up and walked back to the car._

"_Let's go." She was crying. _

_I heard the sirens just before I slid into the car. _

"_She's going to be okay. They're coming Ash."_

_I didn't get a response. She just started the car and started driving away._

"_Ash? You shouldn't have left her coat."_

"_Ash?"_

"_I don't care Peyton. I don't give a fuck about that stupid coat. I don't care if they find out it was me."_

"_Ash we just hit someone and then left. What was the point of driving off if you don't care about going to jail?"_

_She looked over at me. Her eyes were filled with tears and I knew. She didn't have to say anything, I knew._

_She was protecting me… from my father._

_If he found out about anything that happened tonight, I would be lying in a hospital bed right next to that girl. If I lived through it._

_We didn't talk for the rest of the way home. Her eyes stayed on the road, her knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel so tight and her body was shaking. _

_I turned up the heat in the car._

"_That's not going help me." She said quietly with her eyes still straight ahead._

_She wasn't shaking from the cold._

_Once we got to her house, she walked upstairs and jumped into the shower. I took one in the guest bathroom. When I walked into her room I noticed her lying in her bed, curled up and crying. _

_I couldn't hold back the tears either. I lost it in the shower but I knew I couldn't now. My best friend needed me. And for once I was going to take care of her. I crawled into the bed and curled up behind her. She turned immediately and cried herself to sleep in my arms._

_When I awoke the next morning she was gone. I heard the yelling the instant I slipped out of bed. Ashley was arguing with her father. They were talking about the accident, he was yelling at her for being stupid, she was yelling back at him._

"_I'm going to go turn myself in." She yelled._

"_You will do no such thing." He yelled back._

"_How are you going to stop me?" I could hear the pain in her voice and I just wanted to walk down there and take her in my arms._

"_Let's go sit down and talk about this like adults."_

_I didn't hear much after that. Just shuffling and the sound of a door slamming. My head was throbbing, so I lied back down. A few hours later she came back into the room. Her face was red; it was obvious she had been crying._

"_Ash, everything is going to be okay." I said quietly. She didn't look over at me. Her back was turned as she sat down on the bed and put her head in her hands._

"_Ash?" I slid over next to her and put my arm around her._

"_You have to go." I barely heard her. She was sniffling and kept wiping her eyes with her sleeve._

"_You have to go. Now!" This time I heard her quite clear. _

"_We need to talk about what happened Ash. You can't go to the police. It was an accident. An accident. It was raining and she was in the middle of the street. Don't turn yourself in Ash. Don't throw your life away. You can't…"_

"_Stop. I'm not turning myself in. My father made sure of that. But I'm sure they will be here soon to take me into custody." She stood up and walked over to her dresser._

"_Why? The jacket?"_

"_Yes, the jacket."_

"_You think they will figure out who it belonged to?"_

"_Oh I know they will." She finally turned to face me. _

"_There was a parking violation in the inside pocket. It had my name on it." She almost seemed happy about it and I'm sure it had something to do with her father._

"_You need to go." She repeated again._

"_So you gave her your jacket knowing they could trace it back to you?"_

"_Of course not Peyton. I forgot it was in there. But isn't it funny how that works. I give her my jacket and then run away from the scene, just to leave evidence that I was there, behind."_

_She shook her head and laughed. And it scared the hell out of me._

"_I'm going for a walk. When I get back… you need to be gone."_

_She didn't give me a chance to argue. The door was slammed shut and I heard her footsteps walking away._

_After freshening up, I went to the kitchen. I hadn't had anything to eat since yesterday's lunch and I knew there would be fresh bagels on the counter. Sure enough there was a basket of them. I went to steal a couple when I noticed it. There was a raisin bagel, sitting on top of a newspaper. Raisin bagels were my favorite and it couldn't have been a coincidence that it was there. I knew it wasn't a coincidence when I picked up the bagel and saw the article it was sitting directly on top of._

**Young girl found on the side of the road. Police believe her to be victim of hit and run**_._

_I don't know what took me there. Curiosity or guilt, maybe both. I was there, standing at the front desk, waiting for someone to point me in the right direction._

"_Can I help you young lady?" _

"_I hope so. I'm here to visit Spencer Carlin. She was brought in last night."_

_The older man at the desk typed the name in his computer. _

"_3__rd__ floor. Room 23B." He replied with a smile._

_I took the long, empty, white hallway to the elevator. I hated hospitals. It was the smell, I hated the smell. When I arrived at floor 3 I noticed it was the pediatric floor. I remembered from the article that Spencer Carlin was only 16 years old. I got a sick feeling in my stomach. It kept coming back to me… we hit a 16 year old girl and left her on the street. Whether or not the ambulance was coming … we left her there._

_I took a quick left out of the elevator and saw the nurses' station right away. I told the nurse I was her best friend and she told me where I could find her. Spencer had just been moved out of I.C.U and was now in a regular room. When I got to the room I noticed the door was open. A peek inside showed me she was asleep. Small tubes were in her nose and her leg was up in a sling. She looked almost peaceful, like she wasn't in any pain. I'm sure she was hooked up to some medication, probably what the tubes coming out of her arm were for. What bothered me most wasn't the tubes, the bandage on her forehead or her leg in the sling; it was the fact that she was alone. _

_I took a chance and walked into the room. A vase of flowers and a get well balloon were in the corner of the room along with a teddy bear. I wondered where her family was. I know if my little sister were in the hospital they would probably have to kick me out of there. The monitor behind her beeped steadily along with the drip of the liquid inside the medicine bag. There was a chair next to her bed and I hesitantly sat down. I took in Spencer Carlin. She was so young, long blonde hair, her nails were trimmed down and painted light purple and she was beautiful. That much was obvious. _

_I looked away as the guilt came back again. It started in my stomach and made its way up. Tears started to fall and I wiped them instantly. _

"_Hello." _

_I turned to see a set of eyes on me. Her eyelids were barely open. _

"_Who are you?" It came out very quietly. Her voice was hoarse and weak and she started coughing when she tried to repeat herself._

_I poured a cup of water from the pitcher on the table next to the bed. _

_After taking a sip she asked me. "Are you a nurse?"_

"_No, I'm not. Did you need me to get one?" _

"_No."_

_She took another sip of water and then handed me the cup._

"_Who are you?" She asked again._

"_I, I was here visiting my grandmother and I saw you were in here alone. Thought you might like a visitor." It was the best I could come up with._

"_That's very nice of you." She smiled and her eyes twinkled a bit. She had very beautiful, blue eyes._

"_You remind me of my little sister." My sister was only 14 but there were definite similarities._

"_Your sister's lucky to have you." I was going to ask how she would know that but judging from the emptiness of her room I think I could have guessed._

"_Where is your family?" I asked but didn't get an answer. She fell back asleep._

_I put my hand over hers and squeezed it gently._

"_I'm sorry Spencer."_

_I left the hospital and called Ashley on my way home. She didn't answer. I tried the house. She didn't answer. I called Brooke to see if she had heard from Ashley and she hadn't. Brooke wanted to know what was going on so I told her to meet me at my house._

_After I told her she asked a few questions and then took off to Ashley's. I got a call from her about an hour later saying that Ashley broke down and then disappeared. _

_The next day I tried again. I snuck into her house and found her in her bedroom, lying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling._

"_Hey Ash." _

"_What are you doing here?" She said still staring at the ceiling._

"_I came to see how you were doing."_

"_You really have to ask? How do you think I am doing?" Her tone was very calm and that scared me._

"_I went to see her." I said as I sat down on the end of the bed._

_She didn't say anything. She didn't look at me. _

"_She's going to be okay Ash."_

_Still nothing._

"_Are WE going to be okay?"_

_I felt as if I were talking to myself. _

"_Okay, I'll just come back later, tomorrow maybe." I got up and grabbed my purse._

"_Don't bother." She finally said._

"_You don't mean that."_

"_I do. Don't come back." She was looking right into my eyes when she said it._

"_Why? Why are you shutting me out?"_

"_I can't have you in my life anymore."_

"_Why the hell not Ash?"_

_She slid off of the bed and walked up to me._

"_Because if it weren't for you, we would have never been at that party. If I weren't for you, we wouldn't have been on that road and we wouldn't have hit that girl. If it weren't for you, I would never have left her there on that road, scared and alone. And if it weren't for you, she wouldn't be lying in a hospital bed, broken."_

"_You're going to blame all of this on me?" I knew she was upset but now she was just being cruel._

"_Damn right I am. Now get out."_

"_That's it? Everything is my fault? If you think it will make you sleep better at night Ashley then fine. Put it all on me. It's not going to make everything better though. When you wake up in the morning, the pain and the guilt are still going to be there. When you realize that and you need a friend, you know where to find me."_

* * *

"I didn't hear from her at all for months. She had spoken to Brooke a few times over the phone but other than that she went reclusive. She even stopped going to school."

"You knew this entire time that it was Spencer. How the hell could you keep that a secret?" Aiden interrupted, he was angry.

"Aiden stop. I need to talk to Peyton alone okay." We stood up and I kissed his cheek. He was wearing his 'I'm worried about you' look.

"I'm alright." I assured him.

"I'll be right downstairs."

"Okay."

He walked out and shut the door behind him leaving me to deal with Peyton on my own. I was very angry at her. But at the same time, I knew I had done the same thing. I needed more answers from her, that was for sure.

I sat back down on the bed across from her. Her eyes welled up in tears while she told the story and she continuously wiped them. They were red now and it looked like she might start crying again.

"I'm sorry Spencer. For what happened that night and for keeping it from you." And here came the tears again.

"I know you are."

I handed her the tissue that Aiden had got me from the bathroom. She dabbed her eyes and blew her nose.

"I'm sure you have questions." She said and I nodded.

"Finish your story, what happened after that?" Like Brooke, Peyton seemed to stop at that point too, which was very strange to me. They were both keeping something from me still.

"I think its best that the rest of the story be told by Ashley."

"Okay." That kind of scared me. What was I not being told?

"I didn't remember you visiting me in the hospital until you brought it up. I remember now. It's a little blurry though." Images of a young Peyton flashed through my mind.

"It was a long time ago and you were highly medicated."

"I'm sure. Thank you for that."

"You don't have to thank me."

"I know, but it means a lot that you did that."

"You're welcome."

"Please say you don't hate me Spence."

Once again, I had a lot to process. This week had been an exhausting yet extremely eye-opening week. It was mind boggling, all of the stories I had heard and all of the truths that had been revealed. This one though, this was one that surprisingly, I wasn't that surprised about. I had often wondered if Peyton knew who I was, being so close to Ashley. After I found out she was with her that night, I knew it was probable. But Peyton was a great actress. She had me fooled, because in the end, I had no idea she knew who I was.

"Say something Spencer." She was nervous. It was evident in her voice.

"Why haven't you ever told me about your father?"

"Nothing to talk about. I haven't seen him in years and I don't ever plan on it again. He's part of my past, and that's where I want him to stay."

"Okay, I can understand that."

I knew Peyton didn't talk to her father. I just figured it was because he abandoned them.

"Thank you."

"Brooke told me her side of the story; she said that she didn't think you knew. I honestly didn't think you knew either. Why… why did you keep it from everyone? I mean, I can understand why you kept it from me, but why Brooke?"

"I don't know. The first time I saw you again, we were at The Otheroom. You were with Aiden and some other girl at the bar and I was with Brooke and Penelope at one of the tables. I could not stop staring at you, I knew that I had seen you before but I couldn't place you. So I went to the bar and squeezed in next to you and ordered a drink. As soon as I heard your name I knew. I hired someone to get me information on you. I wanted to see how your life had turned out. Imagine my surprise when I found out you actually worked at the magazine. Our magazine."

She stopped to take a sip from a bottle of water and repositioned herself on the bed. Her back was up against the head board and she pulled her legs up and hugged them to her chest.

"I was happy to see that you were walking and talking and the resume that you gave us told me that you went to a good college. Which wasn't all that surprising because I knew Ashley had secretly taken care of you, at least money wise. I wondered what you knew, why you were at the magazine and what you would do if you ran into Ashley. I was worried for her and I needed to know your intentions. So I bumped into you that night on purpose. I offered you a job as my assistant as I way of keeping you close but also it was a way of making sure you were still being taken care of. I knew Ashley didn't remember you but I did. She would have wanted you to be looked after. So by making you my assistant I killed two birds with one stone."

I sighed and rubbed my eyes.

"Spencer, please believe that I never set out to hurt you. I was protecting Ashley and taking care of you. And everything that happened along the way, it was real. You've been my best friend over the last two years. You've been there for me more than anyone. I love you Spence and if I could take back that night and lying to you this whole time, I would. I would do anything to change it. I would lose you but at least I know you would have had a better life."

She was crying now and I, on instinct, reached over and pulled her into me.

"It's okay Peyton. I know who you are and I know you care about me. You've been a great friend to me and I don't blame you for anything."

She pulled away and looked up at me, surprised.

"Really?"

"Really. You've done nothing but take care of me these last couple years. You're my family. And you were right to protect Ashley. It's one of the things I love about you and since we are being completely honest with each other… the reason I started working at the magazine… was to try and get back at her. I wanted to make her pay…" My words got caught in my throat but I forced them out. "I wanted to make her pay for what she did to me." I hung my head in shame. I couldn't even look at her.

She lifted my chin and held my face in her hands.

"But you never did Spencer."

"But I wanted to. I had very bad intentions. It was one of the reasons I slept with Brooke, I thought her and Ashley were together."

She raised her eyebrows.

"Spence, you went through a horrifying experience. It's understandable that you would want someone to pay."

I shook my head and wiped my eyes.

"After hearing what Ashley went through after the accident… I feel horrible for thinking the worst of her. And the last thing I want is for her to remember that pain."

"If there is one thing that we have both learned today, it's that we can't keep lying to each other. And if you care about Ashley as much as I think you do, then we have to tell her."

I nodded. "I know."

"Can I ask you something Spence?"

I nodded again.

"The jacket, what happened to it?"

"It's hanging in my closet at home." I smiled remembering how much I used to love wearing it. It always reminded me of Ashley, it held her scent for so long.

"How did it not end up in the hands of the police?"

"When they took me in I remember someone asking me if it belonged to me. I said yes because I didn't want them to take it from me. As confusing as it was and still is, I wanted to keep it, because I wanted to remember Ashley and the way she comforted me. A few days after I left the hospital I found her parking violation in the pocket. I thought about going to the police but something held me back. I didn't want her to get into trouble, yet I wanted revenge on her." I shook my head. "I still don't understand it all. I hated her but at the same time… I couldn't stop thinking about her eyes and her smile and how warm her hands were. I lost a lot of sleep over the way I felt about her."

"And now? How do you feel about her now?"

I smiled through the tears that were still forming in my eyes.

"There's no confusion anymore. I care about her, very much. I would do anything for her. Anything." Another tear rolled down my cheek and Peyton wiped it away before pulling me into a hug.

"I AM good." She said while still holding me.

"What?"

We pulled apart and she took my face in her hands and smiled big.

"I knew all you two needed was a little push. I am such a good matchmaker."

She kissed me on the forehead and hugged me again. It was so tight I could barely breathe.

"You think it was all you huh?"

"Yes, I am good aren't I? I mean all I had to do was fake being sick for a week." She said and a smirk followed.

"No way!"

"Way!"

"Wow, out of all of the things you have done in the past two years, this is the most shocking. I can't believe you, you faker."

"Hey, I had to think of a way to get you two together. I tried taking you out to the club but you two would just look at each other weird. So I had to come up with a different strategy… and it worked."

"And I am so happy it worked. But did you think about what would happen after Ashley found out about the accident? How it would affect her knowing it was me, the girl she was in love with."

She smiled again, I'm assuming at the 'in love with' part.

"I did Spence. And when she finds out I'm going to be there for her. I'm not going to let her push me away again. And she has Brooke… and she has you. We can all help her get through it."

There was a knock on the door and Brooke poked her head in.

"Can I come in?"

We both nodded. She walked over to the bed and sat down next to Peyton.

"So Aiden filled me in a little." She looked over at Peyton. "We have some talking to do."

"I know." Peyton replied in a low voice.

"How's Ashley?" She had to have been worried about me.

"She's confused… and worried. What happened?"

I shook my head thinking about my complete melt down.

"I should go find her and try to explain somehow."

"Wait, so you're not going to tell us what happened?" Brooke pouted.

"Nope."

I slid off the bed and walked towards the door.

"I really wish we all would have had these talks a long time ago. But… it's better late than never, right? How about for now on we are all honest with each other?"

"Sounds good to me." Replied Peyton.

"Me too. Oh, but how about we start that tomorrow, after we talk to Ashley?" Brooke said. My stomach suddenly felt a little off. I was nervous.

"So tomorrow we're gonna tell her… everything?" Peyton seemed a little nervous as well.

We all looked at each other, we didn't have to say anything, it was written on our faces. It was time. Tomorrow we were all going to sit down with Ashley and tell her.

"I think I should be the one to tell her. Then you two come in for support." I didn't want to make a huge deal out of it even though it was a very huge deal. I wanted to be the one to tell her, I had to be the one to tell her.

"I think that's probably for the better." Brooke agreed. We both looked at Peyton and she nodded.

"It's settled then. I'm going to go find Ashley and get something to eat."

I found her sitting in the sand… next to Aiden. It brought a smile to my face and it warmed my heart. When I approached they both turned around. I breathed a sigh of relief when Ashley smiled at me.

"About time, now I can finally get started on the grill." He stood up and walked towards me.

"You alright?" His eyes showed that familiar warmness, a look of love and concern.

"Yeah, I am. Thanks Aid." I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him tight.

"Always." He said with a smile and then motioned his head towards Ashley.

I sat down next to her and reached for her hand. Her fingers slid in between mine and she lifted my hand to her lips and with a simple kiss… she made me fall even more in love with her.

"Please tell me that you're alright." It came out quiet and full of concern.

"I am. I'm so sorry Ash. I promise you that you did nothing wrong and I will explain everything to you, but not tonight. We promised each other we would enjoy this day and that's all I want. Let's just forget about my little meltdown."

"We do have a lot to talk about, you AND me. But you're right, let's save it for another day. I want to spend the rest of this day with you, having fun and just being… happy."

I leaned in a left a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Excellent plan. Can we start now?"

"Yes, oh and about forgetting what happened earlier, I can't promise that I am willing to forget… everything." She smirked and I gasped.

"Ashley!"

"What? I'm just saying." We both laughed and I threw my arm around her and pulled her closer to me.

"One more thing Spence… what I said up there, I meant it. I just hope that it wasn't too soon for you and it had nothing to do with what happened. Because I don't regret saying it. The last thing I wanted to do was upset you."

I lifted my hand to her cheek and she closed her eyes to my touch.

"What you said meant a lot to me. It wasn't too soon and it didn't upset me. And I should have told you then, in that moment… that I felt the same."

I leaned in and rested my forehead against hers. We both closed our eyes and I held both of her hands in mine.

"I love you Ashley."

* * *

**_Review please. I want to know your thoughts._**

_Also, check out these stories if you haven't already..._

_Daunting Silence by ManicFanFic_

_and_

_Give Me a Sign by Sgarc12_

_Both are unfinished but good stories. Let's give these authors a little push :)_


	15. Chapter 15 The Missing Pieces

_**Hey everyone, sorry this update took so long. Busy, busy bee over here. Thanks for your reviews, the support is very inspiring**_.

_Thanks to Steph and Purps_!

I don't own the characters, just the story.

_This chapter is_ **Rated M**.

* * *

_Chapter 15 - The Missing Pieces_

We sat on the beach, taking in the incredible view, until the clouds started to darken. There was a storm coming in off the ocean. I was nestled in Ashley's arms and she tightened her hold on me when she felt me shiver.

"We should get inside. It looks like it's going to get bad." I said. I didn't want to move from her warmth but the dark clouds forming in the sky were starting to scare me.

"Aww Spence, are you afraid of the storm?" She joked. I turned my head and kissed her cheek.

"Not as long as I'm with you." It was true, I felt safe with her. I felt that nothing could touch me as long as I was in her arms. We could survive the storm no doubt. Could we survive tomorrow? That I wasn't sure of.

She didn't say anything. She just gave me that shy smile of hers and held me even tighter.

After a few bolts of lightning lit up the sky we finally headed in. Brooke was passed out on the couch and Peyton and Aiden were sitting at the kitchen table talking. They stopped when we walked in.

"I was wondering if I was going to have to come rescue you two. Glad you finally came in, it's looking pretty sick out there." Aiden stood up and put his arm around me in his own friendly Aiden way. I didn't miss the look on Ashley face right before she walked off to the fridge. She had no reason to be jealous, it was kinda cute though.

"We were thinking about getting out of here for a few hours, at least until the storm passes. Whatcha think Spence?"

I looked over at Ashley as she took a sip from a bottle of water. She shook her head slightly.

"You guys go ahead. Ashley and I are going to stay here." I said to Aiden. When I looked back over at Ashley she winked. Just that simple gesture had my heart racing. We definitely needed to spend some time alone.

"Okay, cool. Uh… should we wake Brooke?" He asked.

"Let me do the honors." Peyton skipped over to the couch and sat down on top of Brooke. She started squirming and screaming underneath Peyton. I was glad I decided to come this weekend. Not just because of Ashley, but because when I was with these guys, I felt like I finally had a family again. I needed this, we all needed this. Tomorrow was going to be hard.

I felt her close behind me, I don't know how, but I could almost sense her. Before I could turn she wrapped her arms around me from behind. Her warm, soft hands slid over my stomach and my heart was off to the races again.

"I'm going to go change." She whispered into my ear. "Don't go anywhere." I felt her lips against the skin just below my ear. The only thing I could think of in that moment was her lips and how she made me feel with just a touch. She could make me a complete mess doing just the simplest things.

She disappeared up the stairs and if it weren't for the 3 sets of eyes suddenly on me, I probably would have followed her.

"What? I thought you guys were leaving?" I turned and walked towards the sink, hiding my red cheeks.

"Wow, take it easy Spence. We'll get out of here so you guys can have some alone time." Peyton wiggled her eye brows and Brooke yanked her by her arm out of the house.

"I'll make sure to keep us out til after dinner." Aiden said before pulling me into a hug.

"Thank you Aiden." He truly was my best friend and he understood who I was and what I needed better than anyone.

When they pulled out of the drive I sighed. I was a bit nervous but excited at the same time.

"ShouId I go up there?" I asked myself out loud.

"No, she'll probably be down any minute"… And answered myself.

"But what if she's waiting for me to come up there?"

"No, she told you not to go anywhere."

Yes, I was having a debate with myself and was still in the middle of it when I saw her out of the corner of my eye.

"Spence, you okay?"

I snapped out of it and looked over at her. Her eyebrows were raised and she was clearly questioning my sanity considering the conversation I was having with myself when she walked in.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just…"

"Talking to yourself? Yeah, I heard." She laughed and I shook my head.

"What did you hear?" My cheeks were red from embarrassment yet again and again I turned my head to hide them.

"Oh, I heard all of it."

Oh, wonderful. I couldn't even look at her at this point.

"It's okay Spence," She sat down next to me and slid her hand into mine. "I thought it was kinda cute."

"You did?" I said finally looking over at her.

"I did."

I was about to respond with a "you're crazy" but her lips on my own stopped me.

Never did I ever think that kissing someone could be so… I don't even have the words for it. All I could feel was her lips, the warmth, the softness, the smooth and gentle way they moved with mine. And my heart of course, ready to jump out from within my chest. Then soon I felt her hands, her hands that were on my face and then sliding down over my goose bump covered arms, stopping to rest on my hips. I quietly moaned into her mouth causing my lips to part and she took advantage, sliding her tongue inside and meeting mine almost instantly. My hands, which were resting on her lower back, moved slowly down, underneath her thighs and lifted her up onto my lap. She pulled away to take a breath, her eyes were so intense, looking down at me.

"Do you know how much I want you right now?" She asked.

I cradled her face in my hands, leaned up and kissed her softly. When I pulled away she didn't open her eyes.

"Ash?" I whispered.

"Shhh, just kiss me."

This kiss was different. It started off much like the one before but deepened quickly and became hungry and needy. My hands started roaming all over her body. From her lower back, to her perfect ass, over her thighs and finally, slowly moving up to her chest. Each hand cupped her bra-less breast over her thin tee. She broke off the kiss with a moan and when she looked down at me I could see the passion, the desire, the fire in her eyes. Her hands moved down to the hem of her shirt and slowly lifted it over her head. She leaned down and kissed me quickly before sitting back up and placing my hands back on her breast. The nipples were hard and when I rolled my fingers over them she closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip.

She was so perfect and … beautiful.

I reached my hands around to her back and pulled her closer to me. My lips latched on to her shoulder, sucking and nipping. Her hands found my hair, gently pulling me closer. I continued to kiss and nip at her skin letting my tongue dart out to taste her, travelling up to her neck and then slowly down between her breasts. Then finally, I wrapped my lips around a hard nipple and she let out a whimper as she threw her head back.

"My God… Spencer."

She pulled my head up to her and kissed me hard. Her hips started to move as she grinded herself into me.

Then suddenly… she stopped.

"We have to stop."

She slid off of my lap, grabbed her shirt and put it back on.

"Ash? What's… wrong?" I was still a bit out of breath. Something was definitely wrong.

"I can't Spence. I can't do this with you."

Okay, I would be lying if that didn't hurt to hear that. But something was bothering her; it was evident on her face.

"Ashley, talk to me." She turned towards me and lifted a hand to my face, caressing my flushed cheek.

"I'm sorry Spence. I want to be with you, I really do but… there's so much you don't know. I want to be able to give myself to you completely and I can't do that when there are so many secrets."

I reached for her hands and held them in mine.

"Ash, I know there are a lot of secrets. I obviously have my own and I want to tell you everything… but, another day. I'm not ready for that right now. I just want to be with you."

"That's fine Spence. I understand. Whenever you're ready, I'm here." She lifted my hands to her plush lips and kissed them.

"_I'm_ ready now Spence. I want you to know me, all of me."

"I do know you Ashley. I know all I need to know. You're an amazing woman. Sweet, smart, strong, funny, caring… so beautiful. And when I am with you… God, I feel so lucky, so happy and so loved. I want to know all of you too and I understand your need to tell me, if that's what you need to do. But just know that I am so deeply in love with the woman in front of me and no matter what happens I'm still going to love that woman."

"Thanks Spence. I believe you, I know you love me but you do need to know all of me before you can completely love me. You need to know the woman that spent nearly a year in a mental institution and you need to know the woman… that spent 3 months in prison."

What? Did she say prison?

"Prison, as in you were locked up?" I couldn't believe it. I never heard anything about prison.

"Yes Spencer, I was in prison for 3 months."

"Tell me what happened." I was more concerned than anything.

"Let me get some water first, would you like one?" I could tell she was nervous.

"Yes, thank you."

She got up and walked into the kitchen. I leaned back into the couch and sighed. This must have been what they were all leaving out. Ashley spent time in prison. I couldn't wrap my head around that. There had to have been a mistake. I still didn't know why she was at Belleview and now finding out she was in prison, suddenly I was a little nervous too.

"Here ya go." She handed me the glass of water and I could see her hand shaking.

I took it and set it next to me on the table.

"Ash, you don't need to be nervous. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you have to say, it's not going to change the way I feel about you." I grabbed a hold of her shaky hands.

"I hope not… because you mean too much to me. I can't lose you."

"You won't lose me. I promise." And I meant that. I fell in love with a woman I always thought I hated, a woman that hit me with her car and left me on the side of the road. I knew that whatever happened in between then and now, wouldn't change that.

"I don't know where to start. There's so much."

"How did you end up in a mental institution?" I wondered about this a lot. I knew it probably had something to do with the accident, especially after hearing what she went through afterwards.

"Parts of my past are still missing. It's all a little… blurry. I remember my dad and me fighting a lot. At some point, for reasons I don't remember, he started trying to control me and who I spent time with. He did everything in his power to… remove Brooke and Peyton from my life. I don't remember if I ever told you, he was a very powerful defense attorney. He had connections everywhere in New York. He was always having someone over for dinner, the mayor, judges, and other well-known attorneys. Anyway, he threatened to have them both kicked out of the university and I knew he wasn't bluffing. If my dad wanted something, he got it. I remember feeling depressed, angry, empty and alone. Alcohol had become a best friend of mine. I have no idea how I got to that place, all I know is that I had no-one and my dad was the reason for it. One day, he was leaving to play golf with some colleagues and we got into an argument. I told him I wanted to move to Paris. I missed my sister and really, she was all I had left. He was angry and hurt and told me he wouldn't allow it. He said that he had already lost my mother because of her; he wasn't going to lose me too. I was so angry, I tried to leave, he grabbed my wrist and I… I just lost it… I grabbed one of his golf clubs and started hitting him with it." She started shaking her head. "I couldn't stop."

She paused to dry her eyes with the tissue I handed her. I was scared for what she was going to tell me next. She had gone through so much after the accident, so much more than I could have ever imagined.

"If it wasn't for his friend, who had come to pick him up, I don't know if I would have ever stopped." She continued and so did the tears. She kept dabbing her eyes and sniffling. I didn't know what to say, so I just rubbed circles on her back. I wanted her to know I was there for her.

"Once his friend had pulled me off of him, I couldn't believe what I had just done. I sat down next to him on the floor of the garage. He was okay, just very badly bruised. And he was scared, of me." She laughed. "He was scared of ME. I guess I couldn't blame him. Instead of going to jail or rehab, he sent me to Belleview. He said I was "fucking crazy", his exact words actually. I think he was partially right, I did need help and I got it at Belleview. I don't remember much about my time there but somehow, I just know that it helped me being there. Or maybe just being away from him helped me. I don't know."

She stopped again to take a sip from her water.

"When I got out of Belleview I stayed with a friend. She was the only one of my friends to come visit me and it was she who told me he was the reason why. He had strict orders that Brooke and Peyton weren't allowed to visit or even call. I couldn't go back home. I was so angry with him.

But yet again, he got his way. I became involved with the friend I was staying with and he found out. He didn't like her and didn't think she was good enough for me, so of course he threatened her and she was scared of him so we both gave in. I went home and if it weren't for my grandma, I would have probably really gone insane. I met her when I was at Belleview. She was visiting her daughter and we stayed in touch after I left. I don't remember any of the details but she came to stay with us and worked for my father. All that time, I continued to see my girlfriend, secretly. We were careful but not enough, he approached her one day and even though she wouldn't tell me what he had said to her, I knew she was frightened. My dad would never hurt a fly, not physically, but he was a vicious man. I knew he loved me, but I couldn't let him control my life any longer. I walked right into his little dinner party and announced that if he didn't stay out of my life, I would kill him. If you could have seen the look on his face… you would see that he believed it. I walked out of the house that day with all of my belongings and never went back. I bought a condo with what was left of the money my mother left for me and went back to school. Everything was going really good, I went to my classes during the day, went to work at this little book store at night and then went home to my girlfriend. I got my friends back and was finally living a normal life."

She was quiet for a minute, staring at the wall in front of us.

"Ashley?"

A single tear escaped from behind her eye and slid down her cheek. I wiped it and turned her face towards me.

"Ash? It's okay. I'm here."

She nodded and then took another sip from her water. After taking a deep breath, she looked straight ahead and continued.

"He was shot, twice, in the parking garage, after leaving work. They said he died instantly. There were no witnesses, the cameras didn't pick up the shooter, and they had nothing. So they came after me, they came after me because I was stupid enough to threaten him in a room full of people. One being a judge, two attorneys and his best friend. They wanted someone to pay for his murder, who better than me? His crazy daughter who threatened to kill him. I had only one person on my side, my father's best friend. He defended me and kept me out of the media. We made a deal that I wouldn't seek bail if they kept quiet about my arrest. Unfortunately the whole process of trials takes a long time and I spent 3 months in a jail cell. Right before I was set to go on trial, a man came forward and confessed. My dad defended the man who killed his sister, and he won. He couldn't find the killer so he went after my father. The man lost his sister and had to watch her killer go free, he went temporarily insane and I could understand that. Who knows what would have happened if I hadn't been stopped that day... I could have killed him myself. I was thankful that my father's murderer came forward because no matter how little the evidence they had against me, I would have been found guilty. With the threat and the amount of money I was to inherit. That would have been enough for the prosecution. Like I said, my dad was very powerful and so were his friends."

She finally looked over at me after staring at the wall nearly the entire time.

"I didn't want him dead Spence. I just wanted him to leave me alone. I wanted him to stay out of my personal life; I didn't want him out of my life, not that way. It killed me being in prison, I had to grieve for my father in there. Not home with my friends, with the people who loved me. It was hard, even though I was kept isolated from the rest of the inmates, it was hard. And it didn't get any easier when I got out. In fact, I had reached my breaking point, which was probably the reason I blocked out all of my bad memories."

She stood up and started pacing. After everything she had told me, I couldn't believe there was more.

"What happened that took you to your breaking point?" I asked quietly.

She was looking out the window and didn't look back at me when she answered.

"While I was in prison, my girlfriend fell for one of my … best friends. She waited for me to get out to tell me she was leaving me. She loved me but she couldn't handle it all anymore. She wanted to be with her instead. She was sorry. She hoped it wouldn't hurt my friendship. And so on and so on."

Her girlfriend fell in love with her best friend? It suddenly clicked.

"Penelope was your girlfriend?" It all made sense, the closeness between the three of them.

"Yes, she was. While I was in prison, she and Brooke comforted each other and they fell in love. In other words, they betrayed me. I know they didn't mean to but they did. I got out of prison and came home to nothing. No father, no girlfriend, no best friend. I remember making the decision to move to Paris. Then one day I woke up and it was all gone, every bad memory from over that horrible year, was… buried deep. I can't explain any of it. It's all very confusing to me still.

My inheritance came through, a little over $500 million. My dad was very wealthy; he inherited money from his parents as well and doubled the amount he was worth. I guess it pays to defend the bad guys. Anyhow, I sold the condo, remodeled the entire house, surprised my sister with a hundred million dollars and stayed with her for an entire summer, spent nearly a year working with charities and made all of our dreams come true with the magazine. Slowly over the years I started remembering things. Luckily, I had my friends and my grandma to help me through it. Even when I remembered being betrayed by my friends, I knew I had to forgive them. Life is too short. They fell in love. You can't help who you fall in love with."

She finally smiled and I felt a little relieved. I was worried about her. I gave her a smile back to show her I was okay with everything and then followed that by walking over to her and pulling her into my arms.

"I'm sorry Ash. For everything you went through, no-one should have to go through all of that."

I cradled her tear-stained face and kissed her gently.

"I love you and all of this… what you just told me, it just makes me love you more. You're so strong and you made it through all of this and you're still you. You're still that girl, right there, with the crazy hair." I pointed to a picture on the bookcase of her and Brooke with cheerleading uniforms on.

"You never met that girl Spence."

I thought back to that night once again. Tomorrow she would know that I _had_ met that girl.

"No, I didn't but from what I have heard, you've never changed."

"Thank you Spencer. For listening, for not judging, for being here. It was hard for me to talk about all of that but you needed to hear it."

"You don't have to thank me. I love you. I'm glad you told me." I kissed her again and then held her in a strong embrace.

I wanted to tell her right then, in that moment. But I couldn't, I was scared. She had just relived all of those horrible moments she forced herself to forget and I couldn't tell her about the one she still didn't remember. Not yet anyway. I needed Brooke and Peyton with me.

"So at what point did you decide to become a dog lady?"

She pulled away from my embrace and gave me a questioning look.

"After everything I just told you, that is the question you have?" She laughed and it felt so good to hear.

"Part of the charity work I did was with the Humane Society. It was an important part of my mother's life. I wanted to continue with it. So I donated a lot of money and helped out on the weekends I could, for years. I still do and let's just say that sometimes it's hard to say no to them when they tilt their heads and look at you sadly saying, "Please take me home." Hence, 8 dogs."

Is it possible that I just fell more in love with her? It has to be.

"Well, they are lucky to have you… and so am I."

The thunder started to rumble and shook the entire house. It startled me and I all but jumped into her arms.

"Not scared huh?" She joked.

The lights start to flicker and then the house went dark. Luckily it was still light enough to move around. We lit some candles and curled up on the couch. It had been an exhausting day for the both of us and after the storm died down we fell asleep, in each other's arms.

I woke up to the sound of laughter coming from the patio. Moving slightly, trying to be stealthy, so I didn't wake up Ashley, I fell off the couch and landed on my back.

I let out an "oomph" and opened my eyes to see Ashley, pursing her lips, trying not to laugh. She was lying on her stomach on the couch, with her head tilted to the side so she could see me.

"Are you alright?" She asked, laughing.

"I'm great. Just great." I shook my head and sat up, making myself level with her. She rolled to the side and rested her head on her arm.

"You could have just said something, I wasn't even sleeping."

"I knew you were tired, I was trying to be considerate."

"Well thank you. Did you have a good nap?" She asked as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"I had a wonderful nap. You were very comfortable." I leaned in and kissed her. My tongue traced her bottom lip, seeking entrance and she accepted. Her hands grabbed a hold of me and urged me on top of her.

"I think they're awake P." I heard come from door way.

"I think you may be right B." What?

We looked over to see the blonde and brunette standing in the door way with their arms folded. One with a smirk and the other with a big smile.

"Did you guys want any pizza? You must be hungry." Brooke asked with a little laugh.

"Oh, I don't think they are hungry for food Brooke."

I looked down at Ashley and she rolled her eyes.

"You in the mood for some pizza?" I asked her.

"Among other things."

Mmmm… other things. Other things sounded so much more appetizing.

Her eyes were so seductive, full of want and need.

"Um, so pizza?" Peyton asked again.

I had forgotten they were there.

"I don't think they are going to leave us alone." Ashley said and then kissed my nose.

We reluctantly got off the couch and went outside. It was dark out; we must have slept for hours. I didn't know what the time was and I didn't really care.

We had some pizza and just hung out for a while. Aiden and Peyton went for a walk down the beach; I smiled as I watched him reach for her hand. Brooke and Ashley chatted while I cleaned up the patio table. I could see them through the window at the kitchen sink. Their conversation had gotten intense. I could only guess that Ashley told Brooke about our talk. Brooke then stood up and suddenly she was in the kitchen.

"So she told you… everything?" She leaned up against the counter and lifted a bottle of beer to her lips, taking a long drink.

"Yes, she did." I continued washing the few dishes that were in the sink.

"Spence, we didn't mean for it to happen. It just happened."

"Stop Brooke." I interrupted her. "The last thing that I am concerned about is what happened with you and Penelope. It's all the rest that concerns me. It's obvious that she is still traumatized by it all. What happens tomorrow when we tell her what she is still blocking out? I'm scared Brooke."

I looked out the window to see Ashley walking towards the water. I wondered what she was thinking and I was worried about her.

"We have to tell her."

"I know. I'm just really scared." A lump formed in my throat.

"I am too Spence."

I met Ashley out on the beach. We sat hand in hand once again, mostly in silence and that was quite alright with me. Once Aiden and Peyton came back we made a fire and roasted marsh mellows. Aiden was sweet enough to tell embarrassing stories about our college days and Peyton did the same with their high school days. We all laughed and had a really good time but in the back of my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about tomorrow and I know I wasn't the only one.

Brooke was the first to head into the house, followed by Aiden and Peyton. I winked at Aiden when he made eye contact with me. He just shook his head. Ashley and I stayed by the fire until it died down. It was chilly but we kept each other warm. Making out under a blanket and the stars was unbelievably romantic. I would have let her take me right there, but we were interrupted.

The ringing of her phone was enough to wake up the entire beach front. She quickly hit a button on her phone and it stopped.

"That was Kyla, all these years and she still can't figure out we're in different time zones. I have to call her back."

"It's alright, go ahead."

I untangled myself from her but stayed close.

"Hey Kyla… No, but I was in the middle of something… It's okay, it's early there, is everything okay? No, it's fine, just tell me… Okay, hold on, give me a minute."

She looked worried.

"She's upset about something but won't tell me. It might take me a while to get it out of her. I know you're tired. You don't have to wait for me."

"Are you sure?" I didn't want to go to bed without her but I know her sister needed her.

"Yeah," She said sadly. "I have a feeling this is going to be a long conversation. You'll understand once you meet her." I couldn't wait to meet Kyla, I hoped it would still happen.

"I can't wait to meet her."

She leaned in to kiss me, so soft and so sweet. I grabbed the back of her head and held her against me. I didn't want the kiss to end. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, wondering if this would be the last time I felt her lips on mine.

"I love you Spence… Good night."

"Good night Ash." I gave her one more, quick kiss and caressed her cheek. "I love you too."

I tossed and turned for nearly an hour. Half the time practicing in my head what I was going to say to her tomorrow, how I was going to say it and played out every outcome in my head. None of them were good outcomes. The other half, I was imagining her, naked and underneath me, moaning out my name. There was no way I was getting any sleep tonight. Another half hour passed and I finally started to feel sleepy. I faintly heard a click; I wasn't sure if I really heard it or if I was dreaming in. I turned in my bed to see the door to the bedroom closing.

"Ashley?" I whispered out even though she could not hear me.

I threw off my sheets and leaped out of bed. When I opened the door she was right across the hall, opening hers.

"Ash?"

She turned to face me, startled.

"I thought you were asleep."

I shook my head and moved closer to her.

"I couldn't sleep; I couldn't stop thinking about you."

The images going through my head earlier came back to me and soon she was up against the wall, my mouth on hers, my hands holding hers above her head and thigh pressing into her center. She moaned loudly when my mouth left hers and latched onto her neck.

"Shhhh." I whispered in her ear before taking the lobe into my mouth.

I wasn't letting her go again tonight. I needed to spend this night with her, just in case it was our last night together. My hands dropped to her hips and I pulled her off the wall just enough to move us into her room. Once inside, I let her go so I could quietly shut the door and lock it. When I turned around she gave me the once over. I wasn't wearing much, a pair of light blue, boy short panties and a thin white tank top.

She beckoned me towards her moving her finger back and forth with that seductive look in her eyes. Once I reached her she slid an arm around me and pulled me close. She ran her other hand through my hair and then traced my jawline with a single finger, ending on my lips. Her own lips replaced her finger and she kissed me softly.

I pulled away and took a breath before whispering… "Ashley, make love me."

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**_I like reviews, would love to hear what you think._**

**_BTW, don't kill me. I had to end the chapter somewhere._**


	16. Chapter 16 Ti darò tutto di me

**_Okay, so I apologize for the long wait. I really, really am sorry but this was as fast as I could get this to you. Unfortunately, this chapter is shorter than most of mine but... I am hoping you will forgive me after you read it. This is not the "conversation" chapter, I promise that will be the next chapter. This is... the calm before the storm, so to speak. Some happiness before the drama. Hope you enjoy!_**

**_Thank you to Steph. (now it's time for an update of your own)_**

**_This chapter is RATED M. _**

**_Warning... Rated M. Meaning .. strong sexual content. You can't blame me if you read this at your desk and your co-workers start looking at you funny. Okay?_**

_I wasn't letting her go again tonight. I needed to spend this night with her, just in case it was our last night together. My hands dropped to her hips and I pulled her off the wall just enough to move us into her room. Once inside, I let her go so I could quietly shut the door and lock it. When I turned around she gave me the once over. I wasn't wearing much, a pair of light blue, boy short panties and a thin white tank top._

_She beckoned me towards her moving her finger back and forth with that seductive look in her eyes. Once I reached her she slid an arm around me and pulled me close. She ran her other hand through my hair and then traced my jawline with a single finger, ending on my lips. Her own lips replaced her finger and she kissed me softly._

_I pulled away and took a breath before whispering… "Ashley, make love me."_

_**Chapter 16- Ti darò tutto di me**_

I never wanted anything more than her at this very moment. I never wanted to feel the touch of another person the way I wanted to feel her. Her fingers dancing on my bare skin, her lips leaving soft, wet kisses over every inch of me, her breath, her tongue, her warm body pressing into mine. I had imagined this moment more than I would like to admit and I couldn't deny that I was nervous. I wanted to be everything that she needed and everything that she deserved.

"I love you so much Ash."

She was behind me now; her hands were caressing my stomach under my shirt as her lips left soft, wet kisses on my neck.

"Anche io vi amo" She whispered in my ear sending shivers throughout my already trembling body.

Slowly she started moving us forward, towards the bed. Once we were beside it she reached for the hem of my top and pulled it up and over my head. Almost instantly her mouth was on my shoulder and upper back licking, sucking, biting then soothing. Warm hands cupped my breast, lightly squeezing. I stifled the moan that wanted so badly to escape from deep within me. She nipped at my neck once again, and then ran her tongue slowly up and down it as her fingers pinched my nipples. I gasped at the sensations her tongue was creating and images flashed through my mind of that talented tongue somewhere else. Her hand slowly crept down my stomach and slid underneath my panties. My arms went up and I reached for her head; lightly tugging at her curls, pulling her closer to me. At this point, I quit trying to control my moans, it was too damn hard and I was too turned on.

"God Spence, you feel so good, so wet."

I turned my head and kissed her hard.

Her fingers start slowly circling my clit and I nearly came undone right then, I didn't get a chance. She gently pushed me onto the bed and on to my stomach as she hovered over me. It was silent for a moment and then I gasped as I felt her nipples press up against my back. She slid up and down my back while her knee pressed up against my center, eliciting another moan.

"I want you so fucking bad Spencer." Her husky voice whispered in my ear.

I felt her straddle the back of my thighs as her fingernails scraped softly down my back. They stopped at the top of my panties, pulling them over my ass and down my legs.

I needed to touch her again, I needed to taste her. Easily I flipped over and pulled her down on top of me. My lips found hers and the hunger inside of me took over. I plunged my tongue into her mouth finding hers instantly and wrapped my lips around it. Her knee was still in between my legs and I pushed myself up into it, grinding slowly. She lifted my hands up and over my head and held them there causing her to lower herself and her breast touched mine. Another loud and lustful moan left my lips and she covered it with her mouth, drowning it out.

"Can you not be so loud?" She whispered with a smile.

"Can you not be so fucking amazing?" I countered.

Sliding down my body, she released my hands so she could gently squeeze my breast before blowing on a hard nipple and then wrapping her lips around it. I pursed my lips and then finally covered my mouth with my hands. I heard her snicker as she teased my other nipple before she sucked it into her mouth. I needed her badly and didn't know how much longer I could take it. She went lower, dragging her tongue all over my torso. I didn't miss that she skipped over my scar this time. Then she was back to my breast, continuing her assault on them along with all of my senses. As she licked and sucked on each nipple her eyes stayed on mine. If I wasn't wet already, which I so was, I definitely would be now. There was nothing hotter to me. I pulled her hair up and out of her face so I could watch her. She was so beautiful and her eyes alone, at this moment, had me coming undone. Yep, I was done for and I was perfectly okay with that.

"Ash," She didn't stop but looked up at me again.

"Pants… off."

She pulled up off of me and slid off the bed. Her hand reached for her button and flicked it free. Slowly she pulled her zipper down and I unconsciously licked my lips. Once her pants were off she tried to get back in bed but I stopped her.

"I want to see you. All of you… please." If it sounded like a desperate plea, that's because it was. I was so desperate. I would beg and plead on my knees if I had to.

"Ti darò tutto di me." She said, her eyes melting into mine. "You want me? Come get me." She challenged. Those seductive brown eyes staring down at me.

You don't have to ask me twice.

Quickly I slid off the bed and kneeled down in front of her. I kissed her stomach, and then looked up at her as I pulled her panties down her legs. I could smell her right away and couldn't stop myself from leaning in and slipping my tongue into her wetness. This time it was her that moaned, rather loudly too.

"Spenceeer." Left her lips before another loud moan.

"Mmmm, you taste so good." I growled. After taking another long lick up her slit I pulled back and dragged my eyes up and down her. The moonlight was shining through the large curtain-less window and I took in the beautiful sight of her nearly flawless, tanned and toned body. No matter how perfect I thought her body was, nothing compared to those eyes.

She held her hand out for me and I took it, my eyes never leaving hers. They say you can see someone's soul through their eyes, I could see everything through Ashley's. Right now, I could see the passion, the want, the need and I couldn't look away.

We lied in bed, on our sides, face to face. No words were needed. Her fingers traced my lips, and then she leaned in and kissed me softly while her hand trailed down my body. She opened my legs, turning me onto my back. She started off slowly, just rubbing gently while she kissed me deeply. It was driving me crazy, her tongue in my mouth, her fingers sliding through my folds, caressing me. I needed more and she must have read my mind. She pulled away from our kiss, her eyes still on mine, as she slid one finger inside of me. I gasped and arched up into her touch, her mouth dragged over my lower lip and then my chin, leaving open mouth kisses as she moved in and out of me.

"You want more?" She whispered against my lips.

I couldn't speak, I just nodded.

She added another finger and sped up the rhythm, pushing harder and faster. The moans leaving my mouth got louder and louder but I no longer cared. It was all so intense, I let go of her and grabbed a fist full of bed sheet. I needed to hold on to something and I didn't want to hurt her.

Suddenly, I felt empty. She pulled out of me and when I looked at her, moving down my body, she smirked. Her lips kissed the inside of my thighs, trailed down to my knee and then back up. She repeated this with my other thigh before finally putting her mouth where I needed it. Her tongue moved through my folds, slowly. She was completely, fucking torturing me.

"Ash, please." I told you I wasn't above begging.

Her fingers filled me once more and her tongue matched their rhythm against my clit. It didn't take long after that. I grabbed a hold of her head pushing her deeper into me as I started to feel my stomach tighten. She quickened the pace of her fingers even more as she licked and sucked and nearly devoured me. My body started convulsing as the waves of intense and incredible pleasure spread throughout my entire body. She kept her fingers inside of me and her tongue cleaned me up as I finally settled back on to the bed. I still hadn't caught my breath when she moved back up my body. Grabbing her head, I pulled her to me, kissing her deeply and with more passion then I had ever felt.

"That was so… Oh my God!" I couldn't find the words, everything was just…

"That good huh?" She smirked before leaning down and capturing my lips in yet another passionate kiss.

"Mmmm" I moaned into her mouth.

She smiled into the kiss and let out a little laugh.

"Good, because I wanna do it again." She started back down my body but I stopped her.

"Whoa, whoa. I'm all for that, again, but…" I pulled her back up to me.

"First…" Lowering my hand, I found her wetness and she moaned into my mouth.

"I want to make love to you." I wanted to make her feel how she had made me feel. I wanted to show her and give her everything she had given me. I wanted her to know how much she meant to me. I was hoping I could do all of that for her… and more.

I flipped us over and moved myself between her legs. She was so wet and the feeling of her against my center was making it hard to not take her at that moment. I wanted her so bad but I wanted to make love to her more. I wanted to touch, taste and memorize every inch of her body.

Our kisses were still much like they had started off; full of want and need. With swollen lips she kissed me hard, inflaming the fire inside of me. I left her mouth and moved to her neck. She threw her head back giving me full access and I took advantage. I dragged my tongue up and down, stopping to suck on her pulse point and biting down gently. My hands dropped to her breast, squeezing softly and rolling her nipples between my fingers. Quiet whimpers left her lips as she arched her body into me, slowly gliding her center against my knee. My mouth replaced my hands on her breast. I started at the swell of their perfect roundness and made my way to her hard nipple, teasing it with my tongue and then gently sucking it into my mouth. Her hands were in my hair, her center still pressing into my knee, moaning uncontrollably. I was driving her crazy already and it made me want her more. After paying much attention to both of her breast I let my mouth trail lower, kissing and caressing her stomach, her toned abs and just above her hairline. Her whimpers turned into desperate cries. I looked up at her as I nestled myself just above her hot center, her hands were on her own breast, her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes on mine, so intense. My eyes left hers for a moment to kiss up and down the inside of her thigh. After kissing the other thigh I looked up at her again. Those eyes were darker than I had ever seen them and when I pulled her folds apart and slowly licked up her slit, she closed them tightly and bucked into me. I placed my hands firmly over her thighs and let my tongue run over and over her hard bundle of nerves. I loved the feel of her, the smell, and the taste. I was so hungry for her I nearly growled before plunging my tongue deep inside her entrance. She gasped and her hands found my head, pushing me further into her. I pulled out of her and once again looked back up at her.

"Open your eyes, baby."

She opened them just as I slid two fingers inside of her. I started a rhythm, pushing in deep and pulling out slow. She was already coming undone; her moans were loud and consistent, her hips grinding into my movements. I dipped my head once again and licked her clit thoroughly before sucking it into my mouth. The sounds coming from her mouth were turning me on; it wouldn't take long to push me over the edge again. I sped up the pace of my fingers while my tongue gently moved over her swollen clit. Her chest was heaving, her back arched, her legs started to shake as she tightened around my fingers. I grabbed onto her hand and she squeezed it, her mouth was wide open but no sounds were coming out as the orgasm hit her hard. My fingers stayed inside of her as she came down and I softly kissed her thighs. She finally settled back into the bed and I pulled out of her. Her juices coated my fingers and I lifted them to my mouth, sucking them clean.

"Come here." She said, still catching her breath.

I took my time moving up her body, kissing and nipping at her slick skin. When my mouth finally reached hers I kissed her gently and she surprised me by deepening it quickly. Her hands slid through my hair, then down my back and she stopped on my ass, pulling me into her.

Round 2?

I couldn't get enough of her and the taste of her skin. My mouth found her neck once more, it was slick with sweat like the rest of her body and it made it all the more desirable to me. I heard a soft whimper and when I looked up, I saw a tear slide down her cheek.

"Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head.

"Are you alright? What's wrong?" I brushed her bangs off her forehead and kissed it.

"Ash?"

"I'm okay." The back of her fingers brushed against my cheek before she pulled my head down and pressed our foreheads together.

"I love you so much Spence." Another tear fell from her eye.

"Ash?"

"I'm okay, I am. It's just… I haven't made love with anyone in a very long time and this time, with you, it was so… perfect, so special, so…"

"Oh my God!" I finished for her.

She chuckled. "Yeah."

"Oh my God!" She repeated. Her lips pressed softly against mine.

We held each other for a while, just enjoying the feeling of our bare skin against one another. We didn't talk much and once or twice she nodded off. The second time, I let her sleep. I watched her for a good while, her chest rising and falling with every breath, her beautiful skin glistening in the moon light. I wanted her again… but I let her sleep. My mind wouldn't stop though, I couldn't help but replay what had just happened in my head and I couldn't stop thinking about tomorrow. I didn't want to admit that this could possibly be the one and only time that Ashley and I had ever made love. I wanted to believe we could get through it but it wasn't just up to me. Quietly sliding out of bed, I headed to the shower, hoping that the hot water would calm my muscles and my mind so I could finally fall asleep. I was just about done when she slid the door open and joined me. We found new ways of pleasuring each other, discovering each other's wet bodies, massaging, caressing, and cleaning. After a veeery long and veery satisfying shower, we slid back into bed. Both exhausted and beyond comfortable in each other's arms, we fell asleep.

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The sun was just coming up and I could feel her stirring behind me.

"Ash?" I turned to see her sliding out of bed.

"Hey, morning." She smiled at me. One of her shy smiles.

"Where are you going?"

"I was gonna go for my morning run. Go back to sleep." She kissed me softly, letting her lips linger.

"Do you have to? Stay." I didn't want her to go. I thought to myself, if we stay in bed, we prolong the start of the day. I still wasn't ready for what was to come.

"I'll be fast and then…" She ran her hand up my side causing me to shiver.

"You can join me in the shower." Her lips left mine after a quick kiss and she tried to slide out of bed again but I grabbed her and pulled her back to me.

I held her face in my hands.

"Don't go. Don't leave me."

Her playful eyes changed as she stared back into mine. They were serious now and she didn't say anything for what seemed like minutes. I was about to ask what was wrong.

"Never." She whispered against my lips and then slid behind me, wrapping an arm around me and holding me close. I didn't want her to ever let go.

After a few minutes I heard her breathing even out and her quiet snores. I sighed and finally relaxed, letting myself close my eyes. I fell asleep instantly.

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_**Reviews are nice. I like them. Feel free to share your thoughts.**_


	17. Chapter 17- Waking Up From a Nightmare

**Hey all, thanks for the reviews. Very inspiring! This Chapter was broken into 2 parts. This is part 1 of Chapter 17. Part 2 will be posted tomorrow. Don't kill me, pretty please. I would have posted it all together but part 2 isn't finished yet.**

**Thanks, as always, to Steph and Purps. You sure keep me on my toes.**

_I own the story, that's all folks!_

**Memories/Flashbacks are in **_**Italics**_** as always**

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**_Chapter 17, Part 1- Waking Up From a Nightmare_**

**_Ashley P.O.V._**

"Ash?" She said softly and sleepily.

"Hey, morning." She looked so adorable with bed head.

"Where are you going?"

"I was gonna go for my morning run." I leaned down and kissed her, my lips were having a hard time letting go. "Go back to sleep"

"Do you have to? Stay." She begged.

I didn't exactly have to go but it was my morning … thing. As much as I didn't want to get out of bed, it was routine for me and I didn't want to skip it for anything.

"I'll be fast and then…" I ran my hand up her bare side and she shivered under my touch.

"You can join me in the shower." Mmmm, Spencer in the shower. That was an image I would not soon forget and I hoped we could repeat what happened last night. I gave her a quick kiss and tried to get up but she pulled me back. Her hands cupped my cheeks and my eyes melted into her soft, gorgeous baby blues.

"Don't go. Don't leave me." She begged again and a strange feeling hit me. A feeling sort of like… déjà vu. Then I heard it… her voice in my head…

_Don't go. Don't… leave me._

_Don't go. Don't… leave me._

_Don't go. Don't… leave me._

Her voice was full of panic and fear. I was confused.

I realized that I was just sitting there staring at her and said the first thing that came to mind.

"Never."

Lying back down, I wrapped my arm around her and held her tight. I never wanted to leave her or let her go. Holding her in my arms made me feel so lucky, so warm, so happy and so… at home. I fell back asleep in minutes.

* * *

I woke up not too much later, soaked in sweat, with visions of a nightmare I could not escape and voices in my head that I couldn't block out. I was able to sneak out of the room this time; I had to get some fresh air. The doors to the beach were wide open, which meant someone was awake. It was past nine a.m. so I wasn't surprised. I grabbed the jug of orange juice out of the fridge and poured myself a glass, spilling some onto the counter. My hands were shaking, I couldn't shake the nightmare.

"Hey there you sex machine. I'm surprised to see you up already."

I turned to see Peyton's chipper smile fade once she seen my face.

"Ash, are you okay? You're pale as a ghost and clammy." She walked over and put her hand to my forehead.

"You don't feel warm."

"I had a bad nightmare and I'm still a bit shaken up from it." I took a sip from my orange juice and walked out onto the patio, taking a seat on the wicker couch. It was little chilly out but the breeze coming off the ocean was pleasant.

"You want to talk about it?" She said, sitting down next to me and placing a hand on my knee.

"No… I just want to forget about it. I keep seeing it over and over again in my head."

"_Where does it hurt?"_

"_Every-where"_

I couldn't stop the voices.

"Maybe it will help then… to talk about it."

I set my orange juice on the table and stood up. I was tempted to run as fast as I could into the ocean, hoping the cold water would keep me from thinking about anything else.

"_What's your name?"_

"_Spencer."_

"_That's a nice name. It's different."_

"Spencer was in it. There was some sort of… accident. You were in it too. We hit her, with my car, well I did. She was lying on the ground and she was bleeding and begging me to…"

Oh God.

No.

"She was begging me to not leave her." I said quietly, like I was talking to myself.

_"Don't go. Don't… leave me_."

My thoughts quickly drifted back to this morning when she said the same exact words. I thought it was just déjà vu. Could it be…? No, no, please no.

One look over and into Peyton's eyes told me, it wasn't a nightmare.

It was a memory.

But none of it made sense.

I could never leave someone lying broken on the side of a road, especially if it was my fault. Also, Peyton would never, not tell me something like this, right? And Spencer, Spencer wouldn't want to be with someone like me if I had done this. She wouldn't want to be with the person who hit her with their car and left her there.

It couldn't be a memory. It just couldn't.

At this point I was pacing, trying to figure all of this out. It was too real, to not be real but how could it be real.

"Peyton, I need you to be honest with me." I sat back down next to her and she looked away, almost as if she were hiding.

"Please, I need to know." I said with a shaky voice. My heart was beating fast and I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"We should wait, until everyone wakes up… to talk about this."

That's all I needed to hear. I put my head in my hands, taking deep breaths, trying to calm the nausea swirling around in my stomach.

"It was real, wasn't it?"

"Ash…" She finally looked at me. I didn't let her finish.

"Tell me Peyton. Tell me, please." I begged, my voice cracking

But she didn't have to say the words. I knew. Everything in that moment, told me it was true. The look on Peyton's face, the feeling in my gut, the images and voices in my head, now it all made sense. Spencer was in an accident, an accident that hurt her badly and I had a "nightmare" of that accident.

The moment I first laid eyes on her at the magazine, I felt it, a connection. Every time we were in the same room, I felt it. The simple things, a brush of a hand, her eyes on me from across the room, I felt it. The day on her front porch, I saw her in my head, lying on the street, looking up at me with sad eyes. Her reaction to me kissing the scar on her stomach and her reluctance to tell me about the accident or about how we first met. Then this morning, hearing her voice in my head. It all made sense. Everything but one thing made sense…

Why was she with me?

"We were going to tell you today? All of us."

I couldn't hear anymore.

I had to leave.

I needed time. I needed a moment to wrap my head around all of this.

"Ashley, where are you going? We need to talk about this." She stood up as I started to walk away.

"Now… now we need to talk about this?" I whipped around, my voice raised. "Why not five years ago? Why not when she first started working at the magazine? Why not when you realized I was falling for her? Why not yesterday?" I shouted, now suddenly quite angry.

"You're my best friend Peyton. How could you keep this from me?" I continued. My anger was mixed with confusion and hurt and the need for answers.

"You don't remember _everything_ do you, Ash? I do. I remember it all and when you finally do remember, you'll understand why I… why we, kept it from you."

I don't think I wanted to remember it all. What I did remember, was hard enough to take in. My legs started walking, my mind was still numb. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed my keys, passing a sleepy looking Aiden and headed straight for my car. Still only wearing my pajamas and barefoot, I hopped in my car and sped away. Where I was going, I had no clue. I just had to get far away from all of them. From my best friends who lied to me for years and from Spencer. I couldn't face her. I needed space, I needed to be alone, and I needed to remember everything, even though that scared me more than anything.

I drove for hours, at first not knowing where I was going and then subconsciously, I drove myself to the one place I thought could help me remember everything.

The very spot of the accident, somehow after all these years, I knew exactly where to go.

The second I pulled onto the street I started to remember.

"_Peyton, you awake over there?" I really needed her to stay awake so I didn't have to drag her into the house, like I always did._

"_Yeah, just thinking." She said quietly._

"_About what?"_

"_How you always take care of me." It's true; I always take care of her. It's my thing. I like to take care of people. My father says I get it from my mother. _

"_I'm glad you noticed. I love you Peyton, you're my best friend but it would be nice for you to take care of me for once."_

_I really didn't mind taking care of her so much. She never had anyone who ever really did that. Her mom worked 2 jobs and her dad was a drunk on disability._

"_I know… I'm a horrible friend." She looked down and now I suddenly felt like the horrible friend. _

"_No, you're …Oh My God."_

I shook my head vigorously, trying to force the memory out of my head. I saw everything, the rain hitting the windshield, the wipers moving quickly back and forth, the blur of something running in front of the car and I heard it all too, the rain hitting the windshield, the wipers moving quickly back and forth, the radio playing quietly, the screeching of tires, my heart pounding.

It was all too much, too real and being in a car while remembering it; made it all seem like it had just happened.

Except it didn't. I was alone. Peyton wasn't next to me. Spencer wasn't lying on the road bleeding and broken…

Oh God, Spencer.

I closed my eyes and she filled my thoughts. Last night was one of, no; last night was the best night of my life. Everything was perfect, she was perfect, us together… perfect.

Then the nightmare.

Tears filled my closed eyes as I remembered her lying there in the street, looking up at me with a different kind of desperation then she did when we made love. But the meaning was similar, she needed me… but all those years ago, on that cold, dark, wet night… I failed her. I left her.

I opened my eyes and wiped them, feeling like I didn't deserve to cry. I didn't deserve to hurt. I got out of the car, walked towards the curb and sat down. I was at the exact spot I found her. It was nearly 2 p.m. but you wouldn't know it by looking at the sky. It was overcast and I thought to myself, please don't rain. The weather didn't call for it but with the way this day was going, I wouldn't be surprised.

A few cars drove by and gave me a strange glare but at this point, I didn't care. I needed to remember and I knew the memories were right there on the brink, ready to spill over but I wouldn't let them, not just yet. I don't know what I was waiting for. Remembering everything scared me. Was I ready to do this alone?

No.

What was I waiting for?

Suddenly, the answer was right beside me.

"Ashley,"

I was waiting for her.

Somehow I knew she would be here.

I couldn't even look at her. I couldn't even open my mouth to speak. I didn't know what to say.

Sorry I hit you with my car and took off?

Yeah, that wouldn't do.

Sorry I ruined your life?

Nope, that wasn't enough either.

"I looked a few places for you but then I suddenly realized I knew exactly where you were."

I still couldn't look at her. I had all these things I wanted to say but I didn't know how.

I'm a horrible person.

I'm sorry.

Forgive me.

Why the hell didn't you tell me?!

I felt her presence next to me and it felt so comforting but I was frozen.

"Ashley, please look at me."

I couldn't.

I didn't stop the tears that fell softly from my eyes, when she slid her warm hand into mine.

* * *

_**Feel free to leave a review. They are very much appreciated but don't yell at me too much :)**_

_**If you didn't read the A/N at the top... go read it :)**_


	18. Chapter 17, Part 2- The Conversation

_I own the story, nothing more._

_**Chapter 17, Part 2- The Conversation**_

"Ashley, I wish you would say something."

I stayed silent, comfortable with the feeling of her hand in mine. Not wanting to lose it.

"Okay, I'll talk." She said quietly.

"First, I want to apologize, for not telling you what happened and for not telling you that I knew."

She turned herself sideways so she was facing me. I still couldn't bear to look at her. I couldn't believe she was apologizing to me.

"Can you please look at me Ashley?" Her voice cracked and it killed me. I turned my head slowly and looked directly into her eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes were, like always, soft, comforting and captivating. Drawing me in and never letting me go.

She lifted her hand to my face and with the back of her fingers, wiped away the few tears that stood still on my cheeks. I closed my eyes to her touch. I didn't understand how she could care for me. I didn't understand how she could have so much love for the person who ruined her life.

"I wish I knew what you were thinking. Talk to me Ashley, please."

I opened my eyes again, only to look at the ground.

"I don't remember everything. Just bits and pieces of…that night." I quickly wiped my eyes before the tears could fall again. I didn't deserve to cry about what happened. I wasn't the one who nearly died.

She tightened her grip on my hand and I continued.

"It was dark and raining hard. I couldn't see very well, I didn't see…" I cleared my throat, having a hard time getting the words out. "I didn't see… you."

From the corner of my eye I saw her wipe her own tears. I had to turn my head the other way, I didn't want her to see my pursed lips, my eyes squeezed shut. I was trying my hardest not to lose it.

"I ran across the street, I didn't see you either. It all happened so fast."

I let go of her hand and stood up. I couldn't do this. It was still hard for me to believe it happened.

"Ashley, please. I'm here because I love you. We need to do this together. We can get through this, together."

"How can you even say that?" I shouted at her. "I hit you with my car Spencer. I ran you down. I left you, right there." I pointed to the spot on the curb, the spot she was still sitting.

"_They're coming Spencer. You're going to be okay."_

More tears fell from her eyes and she wiped them quickly.

I turned around and put my head in my hands.

I couldn't do this.

I didn't know how.

I just wanted to go back to sleep, holding her and wake up like this never happened.

"I know what you did Ash. I remember everything that happened that night. Every single detail."

Suddenly she was right behind me, her hand soft on my back, like she was afraid to touch me.

"I remember… your eyes; they told me so much about you. They told me you were kind and caring and a beautiful person. They told me you were scared. I remember your voice, it trembled but at the same time, it was strong and assuring. And I remember your warm hand, so soft, so gentle and when you held mine, I knew… I knew I was going to be okay."

I closed my eyes and the images came back like flashes. I shook my head again, this time not to force away the images. This time I was shaking my head in shame. I believed everything she said but it didn't take away any of the guilt. No matter how much good I did her that night, I was the reason she was laying there, hurt and scared.

"I don't know what to say Spencer. Nothing I can think of would sound right. Nothing I say will be enough." I finally turned to face her, she deserved that much.

Her face was red and her eyes were puffy. She took a step towards me and I backed away.

"Don't. Please don't Spencer." It broke my heart to see the look on her face but I couldn't let her touch me. Everything in me was telling me, she should hate me.

"Ashley, please don't push me away. I am not going anywhere. I know this is a lot to take in. I know you're having a hard time. This isn't easy for me either. It's not easy but I want to be here with you, I want to help you remember."

"Why?" I yelled.

"Because I love you, Ashley."

"Why?" I said much quieter this time. I was so confused, I did not understand, at all.

She walked towards me again and I had to look away. I felt her hand on my cheek as she turned my face back to look at her.

"Because I know what's in here." Her finger trailed up to my forehead and she tapped it softly.

"And I know what's in here." Her other hand rested just above my fast beating heart.

"I know who you are Ashley, inside and out. You made a mistake all those years ago. A big mistake and I know you've regretted it since. I know you hated yourself for it and I know if you could go back, you would never have left me there."

"You don't know that." I argued.

"Then tell me Ashley, talk to me."

"I don't know what to say."

"How about you tell me what you remember about that night."

"I told you, I only remember bits and pieces."

"Do you want to remember it all?"

"Yes! No. I don't know."

I sighed, upset with myself.

She held out her hand and I hesitated at first but then slid mine into it. She pulled me over to the curb and we sat down.

"I'm here Ashley. We can do this… together."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"Tell me what you remember."

"I remember getting out of the car and not being able to move…"

I_ couldn't open my eyes, I didn't want to see what we had it and when I finally did, I wished I hadn't. We hit someone, I hit someone. A woman or a girl, at least I assumed since they had long blonde hair. The rain had slowed but it was still hard to see._

_"Ash?" I faintly heard Peyton. I looked over at her, her face mirrored mine. Shock, panic, fear._

_"What are you waiting for? Call 911." She said. I couldn't move though. It felt as if my feet were cemented to the ground._

_"Go see if she's okay." I said to her. _

_"What? No you go. You hit her." She was panicking. I couldn't blame her._

_"I can't. I'm scared." I was more than scared. I was afraid of what I might find if I walked over there. I was afraid that I had killed the girl._

_"Just call 911 and then we'll go." What? No, we couldn't just leave the girl there. The alcohol was clearly still affecting Peyton's brain._

_"We can't just leave her there." I raised my voice at her and her thoughtlessness. I know she was scared but I couldn't fathom why she would say that._

_"We've been drinking. We'll go to jail." She cried out._

_I wasn't worried about that. My dad could take care of that. We would, at most, get community service. _

_"Or even worse." She mumbled._

_I knew exactly what she was talking about._

_I wasn't going to let "or even worse" happen. I stood still, staring at the person lying on the ground. The person I had hit. I was so scared. I was a coward. _

_"I'll call 911 and then. Then we'll leave." I hated myself the moment the words left my mouth._

_I opened the car door and reached for my cellphone._

_"Wait, don't. If you call then they will know it was us. I'll go up to one of the houses and tell them we saw a girl lying in the street. I'll have them call."_

_"O-okay." I nearly dropped the phone I held in my shaky hand. Peyton walked over to me and pulled it out of my loose grip._

_"Go see if she's okay Ash."_

_I closed my eyes, wishing this was all a dream but when I opened them, I quickly realized this wasn't a dream, this happened and I had to live with it. _

_"Go. I'll make sure help is on the way."_

_I didn't say anything. I just nodded, then turned around and slowly walked towards the girl. I gulped as I got closer. I saw her move and I stopped. I sighed to myself in relief. She was moving, that was a good sign, right?_

_I walked to the other side of the girl, so I could see her face. She was shaking and her forehead was bleeding as she lied in a curled up position. I could see now that she was young, a teenager maybe. I shook my head and wiped a tear that escaped from behind my eyes. _

_I kneeled down, my knees sunk into a small puddle. I reached for the girl and felt her pulse, she was breathing thankfully. I carefully turned her head just a bit; I didn't want to make things worse if she had a neck injury. Her eyes opened and she looked up at me. _

"_Can you move? Where does it hurt?" She squinted her eyes as if she was having a hard time seeing me._

_"Every..where." She said quietly. Her voice was hoarse and weak. I noticed her hand, it was holding her side and as I looked her up and down, I saw the blood seeping through her pant leg._

_"Did you call yet? She's badly hurt." I shouted over to Peyton. She shook her head yes._

_I looked back down to the girl. Her eyes were the bluest I had ever seen and it made it hard to look away._

_"I'm going to get you some help okay?"_

_She nodded and then let out a wail. It must have hurt her to move. The panic in me had grown. How was I going to leave her?_

_"Ash! Come here." Peyton yelled from the car._

_"I'll be right back okay." I assured her. She was silent, I think she was afraid to move or talk._

"_How is she?" She asked chewing on her fingernails. She always did that when she was nervous._

_"She's in bad shape Peyton. But she seems to be breathing okay. I think, I think she hurt her leg real bad and she keeps clutching her side."_

_"Help is on the way Ash. She'll be okay."_

_I looked back over at the girl, she looked so… lifeless. Without saying a word to Peyton, I walked back over to her._

_"I called an ambulance. It should be here real soon. Just hold on okay." I said kneeling down and moved some wet hair out of her face. She was beautiful, even with the rain and blood, I could see that clearly. _

_"What's your name?" I asked. Maybe I could distract her from the pain, at least until the ambulance arrived._

_"Spencer." She whispered back, careful not to speak too loudly or make a sharp movement._

_"That's a nice name. It's different." I smiled at her and even though she didn't smile back, I could see it in her eyes._

_"Thanks." She said as her lips trembled. She was shivering._

_I took off my coat and laid it over her. She closed her eyes._

_"You're going to be okay Spencer. They're going to be here soon."_

_I heard the sirens in the distance and sighed; thankful they were on the way._

_"Ashley we have to go. Come on." Peyton called out._

_"Hold on." I yelled. I didn't want to leave. I didn't care about getting in trouble; it was the least of my worries at the moment. _

_I knew what it would mean for Peyton and that was where the conflict was. I could keep her from any harm the police could do but… her dad was a different story. _

_"Don't go. Don't… leave me." She cried; her voice so desperate. _

_My heart sank._

_The sound of the sirens was getting louder. They were getting closer._

_"They're coming Spencer. You're going to be okay." I repeated, hoping and silently praying I was right._

_I slid my hand into her hers. It was so cold. She gripped it tightly. _

_God, please forgive me._

_I leaned in close and whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."_

I finally opened my eyes; they had been closed the entire time. I heard her sniffling from beside me.

"I wish sorry was enough Spencer. If it was, I would say it a million times. It's not enough, I know that. I wish I could go back, I do. I wish I could go back and stay home that night. I would have never been at that stupid party, I would never have gotten into that car, I would have never been on that street and I would have never… hit you."

"But I can't take it back." I yelled. I stood up and walked onto the sidewalk.

It was silent for a few seconds… except for the sound of her tears. Once again, I couldn't look at her.

"Fuck!" I was so angry with myself. I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.

"I'm so sorry Spencer." It sounded so lame, considering everything that happened. Not to mention it was 8 years late.

She turned her body so she could look at me and I continued.

"I hate myself for what I did. I sat with you, I talked to you, I held your hand in mine and then I fucking left you and I don't know how to get past that. I don't know how you have."

She stood up from the curb and walked over to me.

"You're right Ashley, you can't take it back and I don't want to hear your apologies."

She had every right to hate me. I didn't blame her at all. It made a lot more sense to me that way.

"You hit me with your car." She continued, her voice cracking, her nose sniffling.

"You left me there."

I didn't know how much more I could handle, hearing her cry killed me but I know I had to stand there and take it.

"You don't know how much I hated you, for years, I hated you and I blamed you, for everything bad that happened."

I swallowed the large lump in my throat and closed my eyes trying to hold back the tears.

"I wanted you to pay. I wanted you to hurt like I did."

Good, I deserved it.

"I have only one thing to say to you Ashley and I need you to really listen. I need you to believe it because I mean it with every fiber of my being."

"Okay." I agreed, bracing myself for the worst. I know I deserved whatever she had to say.

"Ashley, look at me." She demanded.

I lifted my head and stared into her blue eyes. I was surprised… I didn't see anger. She grabbed a hold of both of my hands and I looked down at them, a bit confused.

"Ashley." I lifted my head back up.

"I forgive you."

Her hand left mine and gently touched my cheek, caressing it softly.

"Now you need to forgive yourself."

_To be continued..._

* * *

**_The next chapter will be more of their conversation. No worries! _**

**_Review if you wish, I won't stop you!_**


	19. Chapter 18 I'm Not Going Anywhere

_**Sorry for the long wait everyone**_.

_I own the story, that's it._

_Chapter 18- I'm Not Going Anywhere_

**Ashley's P.O.V**

She held my hand and caressed my face and those eyes, those eyes looked directly into mine and I knew she meant what she had said. She forgave me.

But…

How?

Why?

"I can't forgive and forget Spencer. I keep seeing it over and over and hearing your voice in my head. How am I just supposed to move on from this? How am I supposed to forget?"

She tilted her head and sighed.

"How can I forgive myself? It might have happened 8 years ago for you but for me… it just happened."

"I understand that Ash. But I want you to know that I do… forgive you. Look at me, I'm okay. I'm healthy and I'm happy. I've had a good life since then and part of that was because of you. There are some things that I wish would have turned out different but for the most part, I consider myself lucky."

I wasn't entirely sure what she meant but I had a feeling I would know soon. The memories were filling my head like a bucket of water, waiting for that little nudge, waiting to be spilled over.

"But you can't dance anymore. I took that away from you." I wish I could have seen her dance.

"I found a new dream, Ash. A dream I can share with you and that means more to me than anything."

I shook my head at her. "I took away more than that from you. I took… your mother from you."

"_Hi Paula, my name is… Anne. Do you mind if I sit with you?"_

"You can't blame yourself for what happened to my mother Ashley." Her voice was raised and it cracked as if she were on the verge of crying.

"I blamed you. I admit that. I blamed you for so long and it turned me into someone I didn't like. I turned into someone that I want to forget. I know now, I know it wasn't your fault and I'm sorry."

Both of her hands found my face as she softly cradled it.

"What happened to my mother was not your fault. Please… please don't." She couldn't finish her sentence because she was so upset. Seeing her so upset made me more upset. This was not going well.

"I gotta go. I need to get out of here." Once a coward, always a coward.

"Ashley, wait!" She yelled and grabbed my arm before I could get too far.

"I told you, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not letting you either. " She rubbed her hands up and down my bare arms.

I was so relieved to hear her say that. As much as I thought I wanted to be alone, I didn't really want to be. I just couldn't stand to see her cry.

"You're freezing. Come on, let me take you home."

I nodded and followed her to my car.

"How did you get here?" I asked, suddenly realizing there were no other cars around.

"Aiden, he drove around for hours with me, trying to find you."

"He's a good friend." I was so happy to know she had him all of these years.

"He's the best."

The drive to my house was quiet. Too quiet. That would have scared me if it weren't for the warm feeling of her hand on mine. I only spoke to give her directions and when we pulled into the long gated drive, she gasped.

"You live here?"

"Most of the time. I do have my condo in the city but this is my home."

"Wow, it's huge and it's beautiful."

"Thanks. It perfect for the dogs. Lots of room to run."

"Well I can't wait to meet them all."

We walked into the house and I took a deep breath, the smell of baked goods filled every room. Martha was home.

"Come on, I'll introduce you to my grandma." I said and motioned towards the kitchen. Then it hit me, she didn't need an introduction, they already knew each other.

"_How do you know Spencer?"_

"_I work for her uncle."_

"_What's she like?"_

"_She's been through a lot but she's strong. She's an amazing young woman."_

"Ash, I've already met Martha. Your grandma that's not really your grandma."

What? Obviously Spencer knew who Martha was but how did she know that Martha and my grandma were the same person?

"I know you know who she is but how, how did you know she was my grandma?"

"We… met… a few weeks ago, when she was visiting my mother. She filled me in on a few things."

"Really? Wow, seems everyone was in on keeping everything a secret."

"She told me everything you did for me Ash. I'm thankful for that. Hearing all of that helped me get over the hatred I thought I had for you."

I flinched at the word hatred. She noticed.

"It was almost as if I was looking for something, anything, to give me some reasoning for why I didn't hate you. For why I wanted to know you and be close to you."

"I don't understand any of that, Spencer."

"I don't either, Ashley. I battled with it for so long. I wanted to hate you but I couldn't. Once I met you and spent some time with you, I just couldn't. But me realizing I wanted to know you came long before I met you. I saw your face nearly every night in my dreams. I saw your eyes looking down at me, your voice telling me everything was going to be okay and I just remember that feeling of comfort you gave me, I remembered it every time I saw you or heard your voice. But at the same time, I wanted you to pay for what you did. I wanted to take away what and who you loved. I was so confused and for so long I tried to understand it myself. I still don't."

I didn't understand either. All I knew is that she forgave me and that she loved me… somehow. I needed to ask her about her plans at making me pay and was about to when we were interrupted.

"Well hello." Martha popped up around the corner with a big smile on her face.

I didn't say anything and her smile disappeared.

Martha, just another person who kept me in the dark, another person who cared for me and lied to me.

"Hello Martha. It's so good to see you." Spencer gave her a gentle hug and put the smile back on her face but only momentarily.

"Ashley and I have a lot to talk about." Spencer said to her.

"That's good to hear."

She looked over at me, my face was blank.

_"You don't have to leave. The more the merrier and I'm sure Paula won't mind some more company."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"I'm positive and… I'm Martha."_

"_Well my name badge says that I am Anne, so I guess you can just call me Anne."_

"Ashley, do you want some pie?"

"What?" I was lost in the memory. Did she ask me if I wanted pie?

"Pie?"

"Martha made an apple pie, are you hungry?"

I couldn't even think about eating right now. Spencer's hand was on my arm and she smiled at me with that Spencer smile and I couldn't help but smile back at her even though I was upset.

"_Do you believe in forgiveness Martha?"_

"No, I'm not hungry. I'm going to go get changed."

I turned around and walked up the stairs without looking back. I needed to get away from the two of them. All of this was just too much. The memories wouldn't stop. I couldn't control them. I just wanted to shut my eyes and shut them all out. I wanted to scream for them to stop. When I reached my bedroom I suddenly felt cold. I looked down at myself, a pair of boxers, tank top, no socks. I held my arms tight around my body as I shook from the chills.

The hot water ran over my head and down my back, covering the goose bumps, soothing my cold bones. A hot shower was just what I needed but it didn't stop the images or the voices in my head.

_"Do you think Spencer will ever forgive me?" _

_"Forgive you for what dear?"_

_"For hitting her with my car."_

The first tear fell and after that, they wouldn't stop. I slid down the wall of the shower and sat down, holding myself tight. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

"_Dad, I need to tell you something." He was sitting in his study, his glasses hanging low on his nose, his finger on his chin. He was deep in thought._

"_What's going on Ashley?" He said, letting the papers in his hands drop to the desk. _

"_Something happened last night. Something… bad." I hung my head low._

"_What happened Ashley?" Suddenly he was in front of me, leaning against his desk._

"_I hit someone, with my car." There was no use in stalling. I just had to get it out._

"_You hit someone, with your car?" He repeated in question. He did this all of the time._

"_Yes and… I took off before the ambulance and police arrived." It came out of my mouth so quietly, I wasn't sure if he heard._

_I was afraid to look up and when I did, I wasn't surprised. His face was neutral. Like I hadn't just told him I was involved in a hit and run. He was used to hearing things like this, things worse than this._

_He still hadn't said anything as he walked back over to his desk and tossed his glasses on top of the stack of papers. All that left his lips was a quiet sigh as he rubbed his forehead._

"_I know what I did was stupid."_

"_Damn right it was stupid." His voice raised and I jumped. My father would never lay a finger on me… he didn't need to. A scowl, a glare, a tone of his voice, was enough to scare me._

"_What were you thinking? Why didn't you call me or even Jeff? I cannot believe you Ashley." I thought about calling Jeff, my dad's best friend and a fellow lawyer. He would have made sure everything turned out okay but I couldn't, I was too scared to do anything._

"_I was scared and I wasn't thinking." I stuttered out._

_He shook his head and then slammed his hands down onto his desk._

"_Does anyone else know about this? Was anyone in the car with you?"_

"_Peyton. She's upstairs." I whispered._

"_I want to talk to the both of you. I'll figure out a way to make sure she keeps quiet and nothing comes of this. "_

"_I'm turning myself in dad. I have to."_

"_No, you don't and will not. Do you understand me? Do you understand what this will do to you and your future?"_

"_I don't care. It's the right thing to do." I turned around and started walking towards the door._

"_Where do you think you are going?"_

_"I'm going to go turn myself in." I yelled. I reached the hallway and he yanked on my arm to stop me._

_"You will do no such thing." He yelled back as his face turned red._

_"How are you going to stop me?" I cried out, my voice cracking. I was trying my best not to cry in front of him._

_He rubbed his forehead again and I could see that even though he was mad, he was scared for me. A gentle hand rubbed my arm before he pulled me into a hug._

_"Let's go sit down and talk about this like adults."_

_He put his arm around my back and escorted me back into his study._

"_I just want what's best for my daughter. I love you Ashley, you're all I have."_

_We were sitting on the couch now, his arm around me. I loved being in my dad's arms. I had always felt so safe there._

"_I love you too daddy … but I can't handle all of this guilt I feel. I have to do something about it. It was a young girl dad, younger than me and she was beautiful and I hit her with my car and left her lying on the side of the road. How do I live with that?"_

"_Ashley, I've done a lot of things in my life that I regret. I've done a lot of things that I have lost sleep over. But… I've done a lot of good too, namely you. I raised you to be an amazing young woman. I know you feel guilty about what happened. I know you want to punish yourself. I can't let you do that. It's my job as your father to protect you. I won't let you throw away your future."_

"_But dad…"_

"_I'll make some calls and find out about the girl, alright? You called an ambulance for her, that's good. She is probably doing just fine."_

"_So you expect me to just move on like this never happened?"_

"_I know it won't be easy but yes, I do and I'm going to help you with that. First things first, I don't want you hanging around with Peyton or Brooke. They are bad influences and it's time I put a stop to them hanging around here so much."_

"_You can't do that. They are my friends and I need them more than anything right now."_

"_I can do that and I will. My priority is you and I will not let them bring you down to their level. I seem to recall you saying you were staying in last night. Instead you go out, probably to some ridiculous teenage party, have too much to drink and hit some poor girl. I will not let them influence your decisions any longer."_

"_I wasn't drunk and they're my friends, I'm not going to give them up." _

"_You will if you want them to finish school. I got Peyton into that school and I can take her out. Not to mention I helped Brooke's father get out of trouble a few months ago, I could easily find a way to bring that trouble back to him. That would get her thrown out of school for sure. Don't make me go that far Ashley."_

_We had all decided to go to The Art Institute of New York City so we could get the best education on fashion design and management. Brooke and I had no problem getting in, our parents had money. Peyton however did not. My dad was generous enough to help her out. He knew of our dreams, he wanted them to come true as much as we did. _

_A few months ago, Brooke's father was investigated for embezzling money from his company. My father worked his magic and got it all to go away. I don't know how he did it and I don't want to know. _

"_Tell me you wouldn't do that. You know how hard we have worked. Please daddy." I hated this side of him. I knew he wasn't bluffing._

"_I would do that and more to protect you." _

_I didn't tell him about the jacket and the ticket with my name on it. I wouldn't have to turn myself in, they would be coming for me for sure. _

_But they never came._

I opened my eyes. I was shaking. Not just from the cold water that was now falling down on me but also the memory of my father. He would do anything to protect me and that always scared me.

"Ashley?" The sweet, soothing sound of Spencer's voice filled the bathroom.

"You alright in there? You've been in there for a while."

I stayed quiet. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't alright.

She knocked on the shower door a few times before she opened it. Her eyes showed sadness and worry as she looked down at me, sitting on the cold tile of the shower, letting the freezing water hit me over and over again.

Suddenly the water was turned off and she was in the shower with me.

"Come on Ash. Come with me."

I grabbed the hand that was held out in front of me and she pulled me up and wrapped me in a towel.

"I'm s-s-s-sorry." I stuttered, my teeth chattering.

"No, it's okay. Everything is going to be alright, I promise." I believed her. I just didn't know how she could make everything better.

I sat down on the bed with her, still wrapped in a towel and she held me in her arms. I felt her warmth spread through me and closed my eyes. I used to feel safe in my father's arms, now it was hers that made me feel safe.

"I had a memory… of my father. I told him what happened that night and he told me I had to get over it. I wanted to turn myself in Spencer. I wanted to go to the police and tell them it was me. I couldn't Spencer. He wouldn't let me. He threatened my friends. I'm so sorry."

"Ash, it's fine. I believe you. I know who you are and I know you wanted to do the right thing."

"He told me I couldn't be friends with Peyton and Brooke any longer. He told me he would do anything to protect me. I was so scared Spencer. I was so scared because I knew it was true. I had to let them go. I had to turn my back on them."

"That's horrible Ash. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Spencer, why didn't you turn me in? You had my jacket, you had to have found the parking ticket."

"I don't know Ashley. I just couldn't do it."

"You should have turned me in Spence." I said, completely exhausted.

She didn't say anything, she just pulled me closer and I rested my head on her chest. We sat like that for a while.

"Let's get you dressed." She said before kissing my forehead.

"I can do it. I'll meet you downstairs okay."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'll be okay, go ahead."

"Okay." She was hesitant but finally got up and walked towards the door.

"Spence." I called out just before she reached for the door knob.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

She nodded. "I told you, I'm not going anywhere."

I dressed quickly and warmly and blow-dried my wet hair. The shivers didn't go away though. I wrapped my arms tight around my body yet again as I walked down the stairs. The sound of Spencer's laughter and the smell of Martha's apple pie made me feel better. I felt like myself for the first time all day and I felt… at home.

They were in the family room and I poked my head in. Spencer was holding Mickey, my chihuahua as Rizzuto, one of the labs, was behind her licking her ear.

I slowly walked in and leaned up against the wall and watched her. Her smile, it was the first thing I noticed about her. It was probably the first thing everyone noticed about her. It was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. Her eyes, so soft, soulful, serene. They twinkled as she laughed. It felt good to see her happy after seeing and remembering her on that street that night. To hear her laugh brought me a huge sense of relief. I still didn't understand how she could love me. It didn't make sense to me.

"Little Mickey there doesn't like anyone but Ashley. I'm surprised he is letting you hold him." Martha said to Spencer and she was right. It warmed my heart to see him take a liking to her. He was, after all, my favorite.

"Mickey likes blondes, like his mama." I finally spoke up and they both looked over at me, surprised.

The beautiful blonde I was in love with smiled at me, not just with her lips, but with her eyes and nothing that happened today, nothing that I remembered, could take away the feeling I felt in that very moment.

This was how I always wanted my life to turn out. A warm, happy home, with my dogs, my grandma cooking apple pies and someone to share it with. In that moment, I had that.

I wanted to shut out the rest of my memories and just be happy. I wanted to forget about everything else and everyone else and just spend the day with … my family.

I knew I couldn't though.

I couldn't until the last lost memory was replaced and relived.

As I sat down next to Spencer, she reached for my hand and I gave it to her without hesitation.

The next few days were going to be hard, I was going to have to live in my past and go through all of the bad things yet again.

I sat there taking in my surroundings, thankful that I wouldn't have to do it all alone this time.

* * *

_**Leave a review. I want to hear your thoughts. Pretty please!**_


	20. Chapter 19- Something To Fight For

_**Hey all! Again, I apologize for making you wait, it's never my intention. Also, I apologize for not responding to your reviews. It is quite time-consuming and time is not something I have. I will do my best to try and respond this time. There will either be one very long chapter, with two parts or two short chapters left. I will get it to you as soon as possible, which may not be very soon at all. Thanks so much for sticking around :)**_

_**Thank you as always to Steph and to Purps for saving me on this one. Also, thanks to P1ano G1rl!**_

_I own nothing but the story. Hope you enjoy!_

**_Chapter 19- Something To Fight For_**

The lake was still except for a few ripples here and there, where the turtles would come up for air. The overcast sky was starting to brighten up in spots. We walked in silence, me trying to wrap my head around everything that I had remembered and Spencer waiting patiently at my request. Before we had left the house for a walk, Peyton had called. Brooke and her were going to come by later that evening… to talk. I didn't know if I was ready for that.

I needed time. I needed silence. I needed to be alone.

But at the same time, I didn't want Spencer to leave.

"How is your mom?" I asked her, suddenly remembering I hadn't asked. Flashes of Paula, sitting in her chair, staring at nothing, reminded me.

She looked surprised at the question, or maybe just surprised I finally spoke.

"Um, she's good. She has made a lot of progress as of late."

"That's great Spencer." I didn't know what else to say.

"Thank you." It came out quietly. I almost didn't hear her.

"For what?"

"Do you remember sitting with her?"

"I remember a little."

"Can you tell me what you remember?" She asked slowly, almost as if she were afraid to ask.

"You don't have to, if you don't want to, if you're not ready."

"No, it's okay." I looked for a place to sit and grabbed her hand. "Let's sit. I'll start from the beginning."

We sat down under a tree and once we were both comfortable, I began.

"I was drowning, drowning in a sea of loneliness, begging for help, screaming out for someone to throw me a life raft. But no-one came. I had pushed everyone in my life away and my father was working on a high profile case, so he was never home. I sat in my room and stared at the wall. I went for walks and talked to the trees. I drove for miles with no place to go. I visited my mother's gravesite hoping for answers, praying she could tell me… I was going to be okay. My sister was the only reason I didn't go completely insane, but she was a busy girl. She had school and sports and helped out at a church near her home. I didn't want to be a constant bother or for her to worry, so I held it all in during our conversations. I was so proud of my little sister, she was an amazing girl. Sometimes I wished it was me that was sent to live with my grandparents. They loved her very much. I missed that, feeling loved.

Since I didn't feel loved, I didn't want to feel anything.

I began drinking, a lot. I had been drinking that day…"

"_Dad, can I talk to you for a minute?" He was getting his golf bag together, making sure he had enough tees, putting a few more balls in the secure pocket._

"_What do you need Ashley?" _

_Loaded question, how much time did he have?_

_I knew he wasn't referring to what I needed as a human being, as his daughter._

"_I wanna go visit Kyla, for the summer."_

_He finally stopped what he was doing and looked up at me. _

"_No." _

"_Dad…"_

"_NO!"_

"_Why not? She's my sister and I miss her." My voice cracked, he didn't notice or he just didn't care._

"_You're not going, end of discussion."_

"_I didn't realize we were having a discussion." I spat back._

"_Watch your tone." He warned me._

"_I need to get out of here. I need to get away from this place. You're never home. I have no friends… you made sure of that. I need my sister and grandma and grandpa said they would love to have me."_

_It was silent._

"_Please." I begged._

"_No."_

"_Dad!" _

"_You are not going to spend the summer there. I'll tell you what you're going to do. You're going to go study those books I gave you. If you're going to refuse to go to school, then you're going to come work for my firm. I will have no more of this moping around Ashley. And I will not have a daughter that doesn't go to school or have a job. I will not have you making an embarrassment of this family any longer."_

_I ignored his comments like usual._

"_Ashley!"_

"_I want to go see my sister."_

_He moved closer to me and pulled my chin up to meet his glaring eyes._

"_Forget about her. She's not your real family, I am."_

"_How can you say that? She's your daughter, your blood." I cried. Finally he showed some emotion. I could see it in his eyes, he was sad._

"_No… she's not."_

"_What?"_

"_Your mother… God I loved her. But she didn't love me the same. Kyla is not my daughter Ashley."_

_He turned around and walked back to his bag._

"_You're lying."_

"_No, I'm not."_

"_I don't believe you."_

"_Believe what you want." _

"_I'm going to see Kyla and you're not going to stop me."_

_In a matter of seconds he was back in my face. _

"_You will not leave this house. You will not go see that girl. She's nothing but the result of you mother being a whore." _

_The anger was building up. I could feel it all throughout me._

"_Take that back." I yelled._

"_It's the truth Ashley. I kept it from you all of these years because I love you and I didn't want your memories of her to be tainted."_

"_Stop lying!" He was lying. He had to be._

_One…_

"_She was sleeping with my best friend Ashley. I knew, oh I knew. I kept her in line, the same way I have kept you in line."_

_Two…_

"_You disappoint me Ashley, just like she did. You had so much potential. Now you're just a lazy, drunken, disappointment. Your mother was a whore, your sister is a bastard and you're… well nothing."_

_Three…_

_He turned his back and walked towards the shelf to pick up his shoes and without thinking; I pulled a club out of his bag and swung and swung and swung._

_Strong arms surrounded me and pulled me back as he fell to the floor._

_I was shaking and crying._

"_Shhhh, it's going to be alright Ashley. Drop the club." _

_Oh thank God for George, my dad's golf buddy._

_I dropped the club and he let me go._

_My knees gave out and I fell to the floor beside him._

"_You're fucking crazy." My dad yelled out._

…_.._

_The last few days were a haze. After my father called me crazy I ran out of the house and didn't come back for hours. I walked around the woods behind our house, crying, screaming out, wondering how I had ended up this way. I must have passed out there. _

_I woke up in a white room, in a bed with white sheets. _

"_Oh God." _

_Where am I?_

I opened my eyes; they were shut the entire time. Spencer was in front of me, on her knees. Her hands were holding both of mine. Tears in her sad blue eyes.

"I'm so sorry Ash."

"It's not your fault, don't apologize." I wiped the tears that started to escape my eyes.

"So Kyla isn't your father's? Did you know that?"

"Yeah, she told me a few years ago."

"My God Ashley, you've been through so much. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that."

"If I hadn't gone through that, I would have never ended up in Belleview and I would have never gotten a chance to make things right with you, or try to."

She stood up and sat back down beside me.

"I had a hard time at first. Not only did I have to live with everything that I had done, to you, to my dad but I had to get over my dependence of alcohol. I felt more lonely than I ever had. Then one day, I saw you. I knew it was you the moment I saw that smile."

_I hated Fridays. That's not something you usually hear. I hated Fridays because that meant visitors. Visitors mainly came on the weekends and would roam the halls with sad faces, sometimes crying. I couldn't stand it. Or maybe I just couldn't stand the fact that I rarely had a visitor. I decided to get out of my room and go for a walk through the woods. I needed air. The stuffiness of my room suffocated me; sometimes it felt like the walls were closing in on me, threatening to trap me in there for good._

_I made my way down the long white hallway and stopped in my tracks when I heard laughing. Not a crazy kind of laugh like you would usually hear here, but a happy laugh. I followed the sound to a door on the right. The laughing stopped momentarily and then picked up again as I sneakily poked my head in the door._

_I couldn't believe what I saw, it was her, I was sure of it. It was… Spencer?_

_Wow, she was so beautiful. I was mesmerized. She smiled and her eyes twinkled before she let out another laugh._

_My heart rate sped up and I pulled my head out of the room so quickly I nearly knocked into the wall. I began walking as fast as I could to the door. I definitely needed air now. _

_It was really her, right?_

_Yes, it was really her. I would never forget that face._

"I was so freaked out that I saw you there but at the same time… I was relieved and happy. You were okay. You were walking and talking and laughing. I was so happy to see you."

"I remember those days, visiting my mom. My uncle wouldn't let me go as much as I wanted but when I did, I promised I wouldn't sit there and pressure her and I wouldn't cry. I just sat there and told her about my day or my week and tried to act like we were having a normal mother/daughter conversation. Martha was so amazing to me back then. I really don't know how I would have survived living with my uncle if it weren't for her."

"She loves you and she wanted so badly to take you away from that life, from your uncle."

"I know she does, she loves you too. We're both lucky to have her in our lives."

_I wasn't able to get her out of my head but now I was thinking about her in a different way. I wasn't just thinking about her lying on the ground, in pain, blood and rain all around us. I was thinking of her amazing laugh and that beautiful smile._

_It had been a week since I saw her and it was driving me crazy. For the second time since then, I found myself in the room I found her._

_Patient #4576: Paula Carlin_

_After asking around I found out that Paula Carlin had Catatonic Schizophrenia. She was awake but in a coma-like state. She couldn't speak or move. I felt horrible for Paula Carlin. It was like she was trapped inside of herself. I felt like I knew what that was like at times. _

_As I sat with her, I felt comfortable. I felt the need to talk to her, so I did._

"_Hi Paula."_

_Of course she didn't respond. She just sat there, staring at the wall._

"_You don't know me but… I think I know your daughter. I'm assuming Spencer is your daughter. Anyway, I don't know her very well and I can't tell you how I do know her but from what I do know… she's amazing."_

_I was starting to ramble, a little nervous. I didn't want to say too much. I wasn't familiar with Catatonic Schizophrenia. I knew she couldn't speak to me but that didn't mean she couldn't hear me. I was pretty sure she could hear me._

"_I mean, like I said, I don't really know her. I just, I can tell that she is an amazing and strong girl."_

_I smiled to myself, thinking of the day I saw her last. She looked so happy._

"I met Martha later that day and soon after I found out that… you weren't happy."

I squeezed my hands together in my lap as I recalled the moment Martha told me about Spencer and her strict uncle. She placed a warm hand over the both of mine.

"You made everything better for me Ash. You got me away from him and I believe that… you saved me."

"You wouldn't have been with your uncle if it weren't for your accident."

"Don't say that… please. It is not your fault what happened to my mother. I know that now and I need you to know that. She has a medical condition Ash, one that is hereditary and they believe that it would have happened sooner or later."

"Well later would have been better don't you think. You needed her and I took her away from you. That accident took her away from you… knowing you couldn't dance again, took her away from you."

Spencer was trying not to cry. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes.

"Did Martha tell you that?" She asked quietly.

"No, I overheard you talking to your mother one day."

"_Good morning Paula. Looks like you're getting a new roommate today." _

_She had always been the only one in her room but today they had added another bed and pulled the curtain across the room that divided it in two._

"_I've never had a roommate, luckily. At least my father was nice enough to get me a single room. He hasn't been up here at all. No-one has. It's been months and… and I'm so lonely. Are you lonely Paula? I know you can hear me. You're lucky Paula. You have an amazing daughter who loves you, she needs you ya know. You have something to fight for. _

_I wish I did._

_My mother is gone, my father hates me, my sister has her own life all the way across the world, I pushed my friends away… I have no-one."_

_I wanted to apologize right away for being a downer but I didn't get the chance. I heard her voice from just outside the door. I got up quickly and ran to the other side of the room. She walked into the room just as I stilled the swaying curtain._

"_Hi mom, how are you doing today?"_

_I poked my head around knowing she was facing the other way._

"_The nurse said that you slept a long time." She shifted in her chair and rubbed her face. _

"_I know you can't be here right now and I know that it must be hard for you, especially since I haven't been here in so long. I wish I could come visit more often but Uncle Phillip insists it's not good for me to be up here so much."_

_She put her head in her hands momentarily before resting her chin on them._

"_I miss you so much mom." Her voice cracked and I wanted so badly to comfort her._

_Me, comfort her. The girl who ran her down. _

"_I miss my life before that stupid accident. I miss dancing and I miss seeing the proud smile on your face as you watched me. All I want is to see you smile again mom. I know it upset you to know I would never be up on that stage again, but I'm still here mom. I can still make you proud."_

"I remember that day. I can't believe you were there, not 5 feet away. I thought about you every day and you were right there, in my mother's room."

She shook her head, and then looked over at me. Those blue eyes glossy, filled with tears.

"Thank you so much Ashley, for sitting with her and talking to her. I always wondered if my mother was lonely or if she was scared. I'm sure you sitting with her, even if she didn't know you, made things a little better for her."

"It made things better for me too Spence."

"I'm sorry you were so lonely. I'm sorry for thinking the worst of you…"

"Spencer, stop! Of course you thought the worst of me. After what I did, I don't blame you for that. What I did was wrong and I still can't believe I did it."

"But you suffered far worse than I did. You didn't deserve any of that. You didn't deserve… what I had planned to do to you."

She stood up and walked to the edge of the water.

"I did some bad things too Ashley."

I took a deep breath. I was scared of what she was about to say.

"I thought I wanted you to pay. I wanted you to hurt. I didn't know, Ashley. I didn't know you had been through so much."

She was shaking and I don't think it was from the chill in the air. I wanted to walk up behind her and wrap her in my arms but I couldn't. After everything, I still couldn't believe that she was here, with me, in love with me.

I didn't want to hear her confession. I didn't want to know how she had planned to hurt me. No matter what she said, it didn't matter. Nothing she could have possibly done to me would be as bad as what I did to her.

"The day I found out about the magazine, I knew that was my way in. It was my sophomore year and I was already studying photography. All I needed was to take a few classes my junior and senior year and I knew I could get a job there. I just had to. I had to get close to you.

I was so confused. Part of me told me that I needed to get close to you to betray you and the other part told me that I just needed to know you. That connection you felt, I felt that too.

That first day we met, I was so nervous and scared. I saw you walk into the room and my heart literally jumped. I was surprised because I didn't feel hatred when I looked at you. I felt something I can't even explain. You shook my hand and I thought for sure the moment you looked into my eyes, you would have remembered me. But you acted as if you didn't and I was so angry and hurt. For a while, I let that hatred take over. I wanted to hurt you, I wanted to make you hurt too.

I started working for Peyton and every time I saw you I would have an internal debate with myself. You were so mysterious to me. You didn't say much and it drew me to you even more. And the stares, I thought you had to remember me. It was all so very, very confusing."

"It was all very confusing to me as well. I didn't understand why I was so drawn to you."

I stood next to her, my hand wanted to reach out and grab a hold of hers but I wouldn't let it.

She took a deep breath and shoved her fidgety hands in her pockets.

"One night, as I was leaving the office, I saw Brooke's light on. I was just going to ask her if she needed anything or wanted to walk out with me. I slowly opened the door and poked my head in.

You were with her. You were… having sex with her."

I didn't have any words. My mouth was wide open as I thought of what to say.

"I just assumed the two of you were a couple. Everyone knew Brooke had a secret girlfriend and everyone knew you were gay as well. It just made sense after seeing that. So I set my first plan in motion. If I couldn't get close to you, I would get close to Brooke… and steal her away from you."

Wow. I looked over at her but she didn't meet my eyes.

"Is that why you slept with her?"

"Yes, partially. I did like her, a lot. But mostly, I was just looking to hurt you. What made it easy was thinking that you didn't deserve her. She wasn't happy with you."

"Brooke and I, there was always so much sexual tension between us. Even in high school, but we fought it because we didn't want it to ruin our friendship. She was momentarily single and I was single, so we, ya know? It was all a little crazy considering the whole thing with Penelope. No-one was ever supposed to find out about it.

Penelope didn't speak to me for weeks, I didn't blame her. She thought I did it to hurt her, to get back at her. I guess in some way I did but it was mostly about my attraction to Brooke, which by the way, isn't an issue anymore."

She nodded her head. "That's good to know. It isn't an issue for me either, by the way." Her lips curled up into a smile and I couldn't help but smile back.

"So you thought you would hurt me by taking my girlfriend from me, when she wasn't even my girlfriend? Is that it Spence?" I laughed because it was all a little ridiculous.

"Yes, that was it. I had thought of a lot of things that I could do to hurt you but in the end, I just couldn't go through with anything."

"Because it's not in you Spencer. There's not an ounce of hate in your body and that's why, no matter what, you couldn't hate me."

"I wanted to though. Now I look back and I'm so angry with myself for trying to hurt you."

"Spencer, please stop. I'm the one who should be apologizing, over and over. I don't understand and I probably never will. I don't understand how you can love someone who hurt you so bad. I didn't just hit you but I left you."

"You made a mistake Ashley, you were scared and I know, I know it in my heart, that if you could go back and change it, you would. I love you and I trust you. I trust you with my life."

I hesitated but then reached out to softly cup her cheek and she pulled my hand down to her lips and kissed it.

"I'm so thankful that you were at Belleview that day, that I heard your laugh and saw your smile. You gave me hope Spencer. I got better and was finally able to leave that place because… because I finally found something to fight for. You."

"It's crazy sometimes how fate works. I had to get run down by a car… to find the person I was meant to be with." She smiled but it quickly faded when I didn't return it.

"I'm sorry Ashley. I know this all just happened for you."

"Do you really think… we were meant to be together?"

"Yes, I really, really do."

She held her hand out and I didn't hesitate this time, taking it in mine and squeezing it gently.

We walked along the lake, talking, sharing more of my memories but only good ones. I told her about how I arranged for her mother to be transferred and a little bit about getting rid of her uncle. I was prepared to tell her all of it because I didn't want any secrets but she didn't want to know. We talked and laughed about all of the awkward moments we had shared over the last couple years, mainly my staring. She told me that our first kiss was one of the most amazing kisses she had ever had. I told her that it was the only amazing kiss I had ever had up until that point. I had never met anyone like her; she was definitely one of a kind. She was special; she had to be to forgive what I had done. Throughout the walk I had begun to feel more comfortable holding her hand again. I didn't feel guilty or upset or angry. I was beginning to believe that everything she said was true… maybe we were meant to be. The universe just had a pretty twisted way of getting us together.

By the end of the walk, the clouds had drifted away and the sun was setting high in the sky. The air had warmed up considerably as well as the warmth inside of me. I still could not shake the images but it was getting easier to handle them. Spencer was by my side, holding my hand, laughing, smiling and looking at me with nothing but love. Knowing that she was happy and healthy made it a lot easier.

We were greeted by Rizzuto, Whitey and Mickey the moment we walked into the house. Spencer scooped up Mickey before I had the chance and it was so cute how she had already become attached to him.

I heard talking coming from the kitchen. Brooke and Peyton weren't supposed to be here until later. I wasn't ready for those conversations just yet. We walked into the room and the talking stopped.

She walked quickly up to me and enveloped me in her arms. I needed this, I needed her. And even though, she too had kept the secret from me, I threw my arms around her and held her tight. It didn't matter, it just mattered that she was here.

"I'm so sorry Ashley. I'm here now; you can yell at me all you want… I'm not going anywhere."

I didn't want to yell at her. I just wanted to stay in her arms and be comforted by her.

"I'm so glad you're here Kyla."

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_**Reviews are nice. They are inspiring and make me happy...and sometimes piss me off but beggers can't be choosers and I ain't too proud to beg.**_

_**I want to hear what you think, good or bad. Thanks!**_

_**P.S. to all of you east coasters out there. Keep safe!**_


	21. Chapter 20 Sometimes You Have To Go Away

_**As always, sorry for the wait. Thanks to all who reviewed. There will be one more chapter after this. Hope you enjoy!**_

_**Thank you to my weird and amazing friends, Steph and Purpy**_

_**I own nothing but the story. Obviously!**_

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_**Chapter 20 (no matter what this site says, this is Chapter 20) Sometimes You Have To Go Away... To Come Back**_

I was so happy that my sister had come to visit. I needed her more than I thought. We sat down in the family room and I went over everything I had remembered. It was much easier this time around and it helped that she was there holding my hand. She always knew the right things to say. Our grandparents insist she got that from our mother.

"I'm so happy you're here, I really am." I said, squeezing her hands between mine.

"I wish I would have been here the first time you went through it." Her head was tilted to the side, her eyes sad and full of guilt.

"You're here now." I pulled her arms around me and hugged her tightly.

"Why are you here?" I asked as I pulled away.

"Excuse me?" She replied a little offended.

"No, no, don't get me wrong. I'm happy you're here. But why?"

"Peyton called. She said that you needed me."

Peyton, I can't believe she kept everything from me, for years. Even Brooke, we had our problems over the years but she had still been a really good friend to me. I practically gave her the magazine and what have I gotten in return? Lies!

"So how are you and Spencer? I had no idea who she was Ash, promise." Kyla defended herself but she didn't have to. I was upset that she had kept the secret from me too but she wasn't with me nearly every day for the last eight years. She didn't say Good Morning to me every morning and eat with me every day for lunch. She didn't share endless days and even longer nights of work and play with me. She didn't prick her finger and become blood sisters with me. She never promised to be the best friend any girl could ever have, to always be honest, even if the truth hurt.

"Spencer and I are… we're good, I think. It's hard though, knowing now what I did to her. She forgave me somehow and moved on and… fell in love with me. It all seems a bit crazy; I still haven't fully processed everything. I don't know what's going to happen next. The only thing I do know is that… I love her."

Kyla smiled just like a dorky kid sister smiles when you talk about your love life. She stood up and wrapped her arms around me tightly.

"I'm so happy the way things have turned out for you sis. I know things are unbelievably hectic right now but I have a feeling you and Spencer could be really happy. Give yourself a chance to be happy Ash."

* * *

It was nearly dinner time. Kyla and Spencer were helping Martha put together the last few dishes. I was up in my room. A picture of my father and me, when I was about 9, sat on the top of my dresser. I walked over to the dresser and gave it a long stare before flipping the picture over. I couldn't look at him. I grieved for him for so long, I grieved for the wonderful father I remembered, but now I remembered the father he actually was. I walked over to the mirror and stared back at the girl facing me. As I looked at my reflection, I saw a stranger, and I couldn't look away. Remembering everything that happened pulled me back in time. I felt like that scared, lost, girl who didn't have hope or feel loved. The sadness came back and it felt so real. I remembered everything that had happened in the last 8 years, from starting the magazine, to falling in love with Spencer. But I didn't feel like that girl. I felt like all the things my father had called me… a drunken disappointment. And I felt like all of the things I used to be… lonely and angry.

The door creaked open slowly and I saw Peyton through the mirror behind me.

"Hey." She said quietly.

I didn't answer her but I finally turned away from the mirror.

"I don't know what to say but… sorry." She walked in and shut the door behind her.

"What do you want me to say Ashley? What can I do to make it better?"

I laughed. What could she do to make it better?

"Can you turn back time?"

She looked down.

"I guess you can't help me then."

The door opened again and Brooke poked her head in.

"One at a time. Please." I said to her but she came inside anyway.

I didn't want to deal with the both of them at once.

It was hard enough talking to Peyton and suddenly I just wanted to escape. I walked towards the door but Brooke stood in front of it, blocking my much needed exit.

"Is this how you guys want to do this?"

They looked at each other and then back at me, neither one of them saying anything.

"Fine." I looked over at Peyton.

"You've been my best friend since we were 16. You know me better than anyone. You've been through so much with me. You've always been there for me, even after everything that happened." A mixture of anger and sadness was seeping out of me.

"How? Why? Why would you keep all of this from me? I know what the doctors said and I understand that but… why? You've never been one to listen or do what you're told. You know I would have wanted to know, no matter what. So why?"

"Because I didn't…" She stopped and looked at the ground.

"You didn't what?" I raised my voice, my patience was lacking.

"I didn't want you to remember what happened. I didn't want you to experience that all over again. I saw firsthand what it did to you Ashley…" Her voice cracked. "and I remember what it did to our friendship. I just wanted you to be happy again and… I wanted my friend back. You were my best friend, my sister, my family. I just wanted you back." I could see her eyes starting to water.

My first instinct was to wrap her in my arms and comfort her but I just stood there and let her continue. The anger overrode anything else I was feeling.

"It was my fault. Everything was my fault. You said it yourself. It was my fault you were at that party, it was my fault you had to drive, it was my fault you left her there, it was all my fault. I didn't want to be the reason you went through it all over again. I didn't want to be the one to make the pain come back and have you remember it was my fault and push me away again."

She wiped her eyes with her sleeve and looked up at me. I could see the pain in them. I knew she was sorry and scared. Still I said nothing and she went on.

"I was a coward and I was selfish. You deserved to know what happened, I know that. I just couldn't… and I'm sorry."

I stepped back as she stood up, she walked past me and to the window.

"When I saw Spencer at the magazine, I thought for sure she was there because of you. She had to have known who you were because of the jacket and ticket with your name on it. She had to have known it was your magazine. I chose her as my assistant to keep her close and figure out what her agenda was. I didn't think she wanted to hurt you considering she could have turned you in. Right away I could see that she was conflicted when it came to you. I would see the way she would look at you, or try not to look at you. And you, you would do the same thing. There was obviously something between you two and I thought, just maybe, she could be the one who could finally make you happy. As crazy as that sounds, you guys just seemed to have a strong connection and chemistry…"

"Stop!" I couldn't hear anymore.

"Ash, I…" She came towards me and I backed away.

"Ashley, it wasn't easy for us to keep quiet. We knew that you would want to know. We listened to the doctors because we didn't want to make things worse. You shut out these memories for a reason…because you couldn't handle them. I wish it wouldn't have taken this long for you to remember but I wouldn't change any of it. I would do it all the same if I had the chance." Brooke finally spoke up but she said all of the wrong things. She was right; I couldn't handle everything that had happened. She was right; I would have wanted to know. But right now, I told myself that she was wrong. It was wrong of her to not tell me and to say she would lie to me all over again.

"You both don't get it. For eight years I was missing a piece of my life. No matter how hard it is to accept what I did, I _deserved_ to know what I did. I don't care what the doctors said. You both know me; you know that I would have wanted the truth."

"You knew that there was something you didn't remember Ash and you respected our decision to not tell you." Peyton said as she walked over to the bed and sat back down.

"You're right but I didn't have any idea it was this big. I had no idea I nearly killed someone. I had no idea I was falling in love with that someone."

"Ash.." Brooke started but I cut her off.

"You should have told me!" I yelled.

"Ashley, we both love you. We really thought that it was best not to." Brooke continued quietly.

"I can't do this. I don't want to hear anything else you have to say right now. I just need some… space, time."

Everything they said I believed. I believed they never wanted me to hurt again. I believed they thought they were doing what was best. I knew they loved me and wanted me to be happy.

I still couldn't help but feel angry.

I walked out of the room, down the stairs and out the back patio door. I wanted to be mad at them for keeping me in the dark for so long. I wanted to blame them for everything.

I couldn't.

But I wasn't ready to just forgive them.

I still hadn't fully forgiven myself, no matter what I had told Spencer.

* * *

"You sure this is what you want Ash?" Kyla asked for the third time since we had found our seat.

"I'm sure Kye. I just need to get away for a while."

As the plane ascended into the clouds, I closed my eyes, I thought of Spencer.

"_I need some time… to think about everything. This has all been, just so much. I want to forgive myself and just move on but I can't… not just yet. I have to get away for a while." I couldn't even look at her when I said it. Those sad blue eyes would no doubt make me change my mind._

"_Where?" She replied, not surprised at all by anything I just said._

"_I don't know. Kyla's making the arrangements."_

"_How long?" I could hear it in her voice; she was trying to stay strong. I finally found the courage to look up at her but she was looking away as well._

"_I don't know Spencer. I don't know."_

_Finally our eyes met and she forced a smile._

"_I don't want you to go…but I understand. I just hope you come back Ash. I hope you come back to me."_

_A lone tear fell from her eye and I caught it with my thumb and wiped it away before pulling her into my arms._

"_I want to Spence. I promise that I will do everything I can, to get past this, to come home." _

_I could feel wetness on my neck from her tears. It killed me to know I was hurting her once more but I needed to leave. I hoped that getting away from there would help me heal and move on. I needed to be alone and away from everything. I wanted nothing more than to come home to Spencer. I wanted to come home to Spencer and be someone she could love and trust and be happy with. I wasn't that person at the moment but… I would do everything in my power, to be that woman again._

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_**Leave a review...Inspire me!**_


	22. Chapter 21- Moving on, feels so good

_**The time has come to say good bye. Thank you everyone for reading and for those who left a review. I apologize for sending you on yet another emotional rollercoaster and I promise that if/when I do write another story, it will be a happy story full of teddy bears and rainbows, very minimal angst :)**_

_**Thank you to P and S, you really are the best!**_

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**Spencer's P.O.V**

Five weeks, three days, fourteen hours and twenty three minutes… that's how long it had been since Ashley left.

Fifty five thousand, five hundred and eighty three minutes… I would count the seconds but that would make me completely insane, right?

I miss her.

We talk on the phone several times a week. "I'm doing good Spencer." "Italy is amazing Spencer." "Tell everyone I said hello and I'll be home soon. I love you Spencer." "Don't worry so much Spencer."

I miss her.

I spend most of my week at her home, talking with Martha and taking the dogs for walks. I love Mickey, but Rizzuto has become my favorite. He listens very well and never judges. Every time I talk about Ashley, his ears perk up. He misses her.

I miss her.

* * *

"Hey, I'm going to the little deli on the corner. You want something?" I asked Peyton who was sitting at Ashley's desk, her head lying over a stack of papers. Since Ashley left, Brooke decided that Peyton should take over Ashley's job until she returned and she gave Peyton's job to me. She said the job was mine permanently, if I wanted it. I would have been a lot happier about the promotion, had it not been because Ashley was gone.

"No, not hungry." She mumbled out.

"You have to eat Peyton."

"Not hungry."

Peyton had been like this since Ashley left. She ate one meal a day and that's only because Brooke and I forced her to. She was severely depressed. I had never seen her so unhappy and it worried me. It was all work and nothing else at all, throwing herself into work to forget about what was going on. She practically lived at the office.

"Okay then. I'm going to go get myself something. When I come back, we'll have another one of our talks, okay."

"Fine, I'll eat." She said, never lifting her head off the desk.

"So you don't want to talk?"

"Spencer, please just go get lunch."

Peyton was tired of our talks. Our talks that usually consisted of me telling her everything was going to be fine, that Ashley would come home and all would be forgiven. I truly believed that Ashley would be home soon and that she would patch things up with her friends.

It was a long day and when I finally arrived home, Aiden was asleep on the couch. After a bowl of cereal and a hot shower, I slipped into bed.

"Hey Spence." I held my hand to my heart, startled.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up." Aiden was a light sleeper.

He shrugged and walked into the room, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Everything okay?" I asked my sleepy looking best friend.

"I uh, I talked to Peyton today. She had a bad day, huh?"

"She did, I got her to at least eat though."

He ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

"She'll be alright Aiden. Once Ashley comes home, everything will be alright."

"You seem to be pretty positive about that."

"I believe in her. She'll come home and we'll all move on from this… together."

"I hope you're right." He leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Night Spence."

Aiden and Peyton had become close since Peyton's birthday party. He was angry at first for all of the secrets that she had kept but being the good guy that he was, he heard her out and they talked things over. Even though they liked each other, now was not the time to explore any relationship besides a friendly one. That's exactly what they had done and I was happy that they had each other.

A few days passed and I was sitting in my mother's room, waiting for them to bring her back from her evaluation. She was showing a lot of progress. Her eyes would follow sounds and she was moving her hands. She said a few words now and then and that made the doctor's very hopeful.

"Hello Miss Carlin." Nurse Janice greeted me cheerfully as she wheeled my mother back into her room. I still couldn't get used to her peppiness.

"Good morning, Janice."

We talked for a few minutes about my mother's evaluation; the results were the same as last weeks.

Showing progress.

Janice left the room and I kneeled down so I was face to face with my mother. The moment I came into view, her eyes met mine.

"Hi Mom." I smiled big. It felt incredible to have her acknowledge my presence.

Her hand moved and I held it in my own. She gave it a gentle squeeze and I squealed internally.

"So mom, there's something I haven't told you about Ashley." I moved her closer to the window and pulled up a chair.

"Well, the thing is, you've met her."

Her eyes were still on mine and I went on.

"Mom, when you were at Belleview, there was a girl that used to come sit with you. She called herself Anne. Do you remember her?"

She didn't answer but I knew she could hear me, I knew she could understand me.

"Ashley… is Anne, she _was_ Anne. Anne wasn't her real name. It was Ashley."

She squeezed my hand again.

I explained to her the whole Ashley/Anne/Martha story. It was all a bit confusing to me still.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and after taking a quick glance, my heart leapt for joy seeing Ashley on the screen.

"I gotta go mom but I'll be back tomorrow, okay." I gave her a tight hug and kissed her forehead.

"I love you." It was a great feeling to look into her eyes and see them looking right back at me.

Once I was outside I dialed Ashley back. She answered on the first ring and the sound of her voice made my heart leap yet again along with a few flips.

"Hey Spence." Just the simplest words out of her mouth were so sexy. I really, really missed her.

"Hi Ash, sorry I missed your call. I was with my mom."

"It's okay. I was kinda upset though when you didn't answer." I could just picture the pout on her face. So cute.

"Are you better now?"

"Yes, I am. In fact, I'm smiling ear to ear right now." I could hear the happiness in her voice. It was such a relief; I was still worried about her.

"Good. That makes two of us."

"I miss you Spencer." And all of the sudden her voice turned to sadness.

"I miss you too Ash. Come home." I tried not to push her too much, once in a while though, I would slip. I couldn't help it.

"Soon Spence, I promise."

It was quiet for a moment. Sometimes I didn't know what to say.

"Spencer?"

"I'm still here." I said quietly.

"I love you. I'll be home before you know it, okay."

"Okay, I love you too."

Like every conversation with Ashley, I had a hard time hanging up. Good bye or good night had a hard time leaving my lips. I thought it would get easier as time went on but it did not, it got worse. I know it was hard for her as well. I talked to her about my mother and the progress she was making and she talked to me about Italy, promising to take me there someday. After an hour or so, we finally said good bye. And I cried.

**Ashley's P.O.V.**

"I miss you Spencer." I couldn't hide the sadness; it escaped from my throat and slipped past my lips as I croaked out the words.

"I miss you too Ash. Come home." She was good about being patient with me but sometimes, like now, she would beg me to come home and I would be reminded of how much I was hurting her, again.

"Soon Spence, I promise." I had already planned on going home at the end of the week. I was finally ready. I had a lot of time to think and I realized that it was time to move on and be happy.

She was quiet. Too quiet.

"Spencer?"

"I'm still here." She said softly, a trace of sadness still in her voice.

"I love you. I'll be home before you know it, okay."

"Okay, I love you too."

It's always so hard to hang up the phone when I'm talking to her. I can't wait to get home and start making up for every single ounce of pain I have ever caused her. After I finally managed to end our conversation I opened up my computer and ordered a plane ticket.

I was finally going home.

* * *

"Good afternoon Miss Davies. It's a pleasure to have you home."

"Thank you, William."

After a few years, I realized he was never going to call me Ashley. I wasn't comfortable with that. He was like family to me but his mother raised him to be proper and polite and he said as long as I paid him for what he did, he would always call me Miss Davies.

"So how is your mother?"

"She's doing well; she misses you, though she doesn't say it. She expects you won't forgive her, though she hasn't said that either."

"Well Martha does like to keep things to herself." I said with a small bit of spite.

"It's understandable Miss Davies, that you have had a hard time with forgiveness. Much was kept from you."

I just nodded.

William was a man of few words but when he did speak you could see that he was smart and very attentive.

William, Martha's son, worked for Spencer's uncle. After we forced the rigid, old man to leave Spencer… and the country, Martha didn't feel it was safe for her son to continue to work for him. I offered him a job and even though he was over qualified, he took it. After a few months of working for me, he took some writing classes at NYU and soon after that, he began writing poetry and books on philosophy. He was rather good but only did it for a hobby. In all the years he had been with us, he never left the house to socialize. William was one of those people, who liked being alone. He had his books and his family, as he called Martha and me and our seven dogs, and that was enough for him.

"Home, Miss Davies?"

"Home first, then I need you to take me a few places."

"Of course, Ma'am."

When we reached the house, William pulled my bags from the trunk. I took them from him and handed him a brown bag that was inside one of them.

"Open it."

He smiled and nodded. The smile spread even wider as he pulled out the gifts.

A bottle of Riserva Brunello di Montalcino wine and a box of Il Moro Toscano cigars.

He placed the bottle and box back into the bag, set it on the trunk and pulled me into a hug. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. William wasn't the type to hug or make any kind of body contact. What surprised me even more was when he whispered in my ear…

"Thank you, Ashley."

Martha and I had been sitting and talking for a while. I told her everything I was feeling and in the end, I told her I forgave her.

"I can't easily forget what you have kept from me over the years, but… you have been everything to me that I have needed. A great listener, a friend… and since my mother died, the closest thing I have had to… a mother. I want you in my life; I need you in my life. Just please, please be truthful with me for now on, okay."

After a long hug, she finally spoke.

"I love you, Ashley and I am so proud of you. I'm so proud of how far you have come and how you have handled everything. You are an amazing young woman, your mother would be proud as well."

Martha made a big lunch, the wine was a nice touch to her homemade raviolis and afterwards, William and I left. I had a few more stops to make before my final stop…Spencer.

I sent out a text for Peyton to meet me at Brooke's apartment. She answered with a simple "Okay". No doubt she was nervous and surprised.

Brooke opened the door after the first knock. I could tell she was pondering whether or not she could hug me. I pulled her to me and after a few seconds, I felt her relax.

"I'm so glad you're home." She said with a smile, adorable dimples and all.

"Me too."

Peyton suddenly appeared behind her, even though I could see she was happy, she tried not to smile, probably unsure of my feelings and why I was there.

"Can you guys sit?" I asked, what I needed to say, was for both of them.

They both sat down on the couch and I sat down on the coffee table in front of them. I couldn't make eye contact with Peyton, not just yet. I had to get everything out first.

I took a deep breath before I started. Looking at the ground, I began…

"I'm sorry I left the way I did… but I needed time to think and I did a lot of that. Sometimes I think I did too much thinking. But anyway, I want to say that I do understand why the two of you kept what happened from me. And even though I don't fully agree with it, if I were in either one of your shoes, I probably would have done the same thing. I love you guys and I would never want to cause you to go through something like that, again. At the same time, what hurt more, was knowing it was kept from me. I don't know how to completely forgive you for that, but I will keep trying. I want everything to go back to normal, I want my best friends back but it's going to take time."

Finally, I lifted my head. Brooke had tears in her eyes, threatening to spill and Peyton's eyes were on the floor. I placed a hand on her knee and she looked up at me, her eyes matching Brooke's.

"I'm not saying that we can't be a part of each other's lives. I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying it's going to take some time before everything can go back to the way it was." I hoped with all of my heart, that it would be like old times again, some day. Without the secrets, of course.

"I know that you did what you thought was best for me." I was talking to just Peyton now. "I know you were trying to save me from more pain." She wiped the tears that finally started to fall.

"I know that I pushed you away all those years ago, that I hurt you. I didn't want to and I don't want to now. I'm home, I'm not going anywhere and I want to try to move on with my life and I want you in my life. Both of you." I looked over at Brooke and she smiled through her tears.

"I've missed you so much, Ash. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. If I can have, even just a little bit, of what we used to have… I'll take it." Peyton sounded desperate and I know she was. I felt bad for her feeling that way.

"I've missed you too, Ash. And I know it sounds like a broken record, but I'm sorry as well. I'm sorry for everything that I've done to hurt you over the years. I…" I stopped her there. I didn't want Brooke to keep apologizing for what happened between her and Penelope.

"I don't need you to keep apologizing for that. What happened, happened. You too were obviously meant to be together."

She just nodded and hung her head.

"Brooke" She looked back up at me. "It's time to move on. No more apologies, no more secrets, okay."

"Okay, I promise." She kneeled onto the floor and wrapped her arms around me. "I love you, Ash."

"I love you too, Brooke." She pulled back but held on to me, the dimples making another appearance.

"I'm going to go make something to drink. You want me to make you something?"

"Sure." I chuckled. "But no wine, okay." Brooke didn't do well with wine. She got drunk off of two glasses.

"Whatever. I was just going to make us some tea."

"Perfect."

She left the room, no doubt to give Peyton and I some alone time.

"I don't know what to say. I just know that this past month has been unbelievably hard without you here, with the way things ended and knowing that you were so angry with me. I know I said that if I had it all to do again, I would do the same thing. I stand by that Ash. I regret keeping the accident from you and keeping who Spencer really was, from you. But I'm glad I did because I can't help but believe that if I would have told you who she was, before you got to know her, you two wouldn't have fallen in love. If one good thing came out of all of the secrets, it was that. You found someone who loves you, someone who knows exactly who you are and what you've done and they love you regardless. You found someone who makes you happy and someone you can give all of that love inside of you to. I don't know how to be sorry for that. I don't think I can."

"You don't have to be. I know you Peyton. I know you have a huge heart and I know you just want everyone to be happy. I just need you to promise that for now on, you will be completely honest with me, no more secrets, no matter what."

"I promise." She cried.

I held my arms out and she practically leapt into them. I held her tightly as we both cried.

Moving on, felt so good.

As I made my way to my final stop, I couldn't stop thinking about her. Spencer. The girl I left on the side of the road, the woman I fell in love with.

"_Don't go. Don't leave me."_

_"Sorry. I think too much sometimes. But yes I will. I would love to go out to dinner with you…on one condition."_

_"Say something else in Italian. Anything."_

_"I care about you Ashley. I was mad okay and I was a little bit drunk and I made a rash decision. But I didn't go through with it. I couldn't. There's something here between us Ashley. You can be mad at me all you want you want but you can't deny that."_

_"You're so cute ya know. One minute you're shy and the next you're…. not."_

_"What you said meant a lot to me. It wasn't too soon and it didn't upset me. And I should have told you then, in that moment… that I felt the same."_

"_I do know you Ashley. I know all I need to know. You're an amazing woman. Sweet, smart, strong, funny, caring… so beautiful. And when I am with you… God, I feel so lucky, so happy and so loved. I want to know all of you too and I understand your need to tell me, if that's what you need to do. But just know that I am so deeply in love with the woman in front of me and no matter what happens I'm still going to love that woman."_

_"You won't lose me. I promise."_

_"Ashley, make love to me."_

_"Ashley, please. I'm here because I love you. We need to do this together. We can get through this, together."_

_"I know who you are Ashley, inside and out. You made a mistake all those years ago. A big mistake and I know you've regretted it since. I know you hated yourself for it and I know if you could go back, you would never have left me there."_

_"I forgive you."_

_"I found a new dream, Ash. A dream I can share with you and that means more to me than anything."_

_"I thought I wanted you to pay. I wanted you to hurt. I didn't know, Ashley. I didn't know you had been through so much."_

_"It's crazy sometimes how fate works. I had to get run down by a car… to find the person I was meant to be with."_

_"I don't want you to go…but I understand. I just hope you come back Ash. I hope you come back to me."_

I needed to see her more than ever. Everything that had happened, everything we had been through, could not keep us apart. We made it through the worst thing imaginable, in my eyes, we could no doubt make it through anything. I wanted to move on and I could only do that, with Spencer by my side.

"William?"

"Ma'am."

"Faster."

"Yes, ma'am."

We pulled up to Spencer's condo and as soon as the car stopped, I was out the door. I raced up the steps and knocked on the door. After 2 or 3 minutes of knocking, no-one answered.

"She's not home."

I turned around to see Aiden.

"She just left to visit with her mother."

I walked down the stairs and gave Aiden a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"For being such a good friend to her since I've been gone and for always being there for her."

"She's always been there for me too. I don't know what I'd do without her."

"That makes two of us."

"I am so relieved to hear that."

He smiled and I could see how happy he was that I was home, for Spencer.

"She's going to be so happy to see you." He said while opening my car door.

"Not as happy as I am going to be." I slid in and thanked him again.

"Welcome back Ashley." He said before shutting the door.

**Spencer's** **P.O.V.**

When I walked in my mother was sitting by the window, like usual. The light breeze was blowing through her hair and I could faintly smell her lavender shampoo when I kissed the top of her head.

"Hi, Mom. How are you today?" I said as I sat down on the window ledge in front of her. She looked up at me and I smiled. My hands found hers and I smoothed the tops of them with my thumbs.

"It's a beautiful day; would you like to go for a walk?" She squeezed my hands gently. I wanted to cry, I was so happy.

We walked through the beautiful garden and for some reason my mind wandered off… to Ashley.

_"Spencer…That's a nice name. It's different."_

_"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."_

_"I like you Spencer. I would hate to see you get hurt."_

"_I didn't mean to hurt you, in anyway, if I did. Like I said, it was stupid. I love working with you but being so close to you… kinda freaked me out."_

"_Don't Spence, don't hide that beautiful face."_

_"Show him that this is your life and he doesn't have any say how you live it."_

"_You are so much more beautiful than Julia Roberts."_

_"It's such a beautiful night Spence. Dance with me."_

_"I think I'm in love with you."_

_"Ti darò tutto di me."_

_"I'm so sorry Spencer."_

_"But you can't dance anymore. I took that away from you."_

_"It was all very confusing to me as well. I didn't understand why I was so drawn to you."_

_"I want to Spence. I promise that I will do everything I can, to get past this, to come home."_

I missed Ashley more than ever. I just wanted her home. I wanted to wrap her in my arms, tell her how much I love her and never let her go.

The breeze picked up slightly, I could see the goose bumps forming on my mother's arms. I turned around and headed back inside. I nearly fainted with excitement when I walked into my mother's room.

"Ashley?!"

She was by the window and turned around when we walked in.

"Hey, Spence." She smiled but it faded when she looked down at my mother.

"Hello… Paula."

I wanted to run and jump into her arms but she looked upset. She moved towards us and then kneeled down in front of my mother.

"It's been a while hasn't it? I'm sorry that I haven't been here. I went through some things and wasn't completely myself. I'm here now. I hear that you're doing much better and that makes me so happy. I'm happy for you and I'm happy for your daughter. She loves you so much and she misses you."

She looked up at me and smiled and like so many times before with her… my heart melted.

"There's something that you should know Paula. I love your daughter. I love her like I've never loved anyone or anything in my life. She makes me so incredibly happy and I only hope that I can give her even a little of what she has given me. She is the most amazing person I have ever met, she's so beautiful, smart, caring, funny, understanding and… forgiving. I love her, I do and I want to spend the rest of my life making up for every tear she has ever shed because of me."

"Ash-ley." I said, clearly choked up. I couldn't believe she was here and the things she was telling my mother.

She stood up and walked over to me.

"Mio Dio sono così fortunate. Si sono così belli."

She's so amazing… and sexy. I am so lucky.

"I really need to learn Italian."

She smiled as she took both of my hands in hers.

"I love you Spencer. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to let go of everything, fear, doubts, regrets, the pain, everything. I never believed in fate, or hope, or even love. Then you came along and in the strangest, most unbelievable of situations, you changed all of that. Crazy enough, you saved me. After everything I did to you, you saved me. More than once and in more ways than once."

"Ash, I love you too."

I didn't know what else to say at the moment. I was so in awe of the woman standing in front of me. So shocked at her words, so moved by her words.

I pulled her to me and like I had dreamt of so many times since she had left, I wrapped her in my arms and held her tight. Never intending to let go.

"I love you so much." I let go enough to press my eager lips to hers and softly kiss her.

"You saved me too Ash. I didn't believe in any of those things either and I didn't want to. I sure as hell never expected to fall in love with you. But I did, I did because you're pretty damn incredible yourself. You changed my life dramatically and everything you did after that has already made up for all of the tears I have shed. I know it's crazy, the way we're connected, but I'll take crazy as long as you come with it. I wouldn't change anything that happened that night. I wouldn't. All of that, all of what happened, has given me you. It was the worst night of my life but it was the best thing that ever could have happened to me."

I laughed at myself. "That sounds so crazy."

"Just a little." She laughed back.

"You give me too much credit Ash. You're so amazing and strong. You had a very hard life and you've overcome every obstacle and every heart ache. You did that."

I kissed her again, this time a bit harder. I could taste her tears on my lips.

"It's the constant and determined effort that breaks down all resistance and sweeps away all obstacles."

A hoarse and very familiar voice interrupted us.

Oh my God. I couldn't believe it.

"Mom?!"

We both turned to see my mother, looking directly at us. Tears in her eyes, a smile on her lips.

"Keep fighting the fight." She finished with a cough.

"Mom." I cried out. I kneeled back down and for the first time in eight years, she held me.

"I love you so much baby. I'm here. Momma's here."

I sobbed like a little child into my mother's neck. I had dreamed of this moment for so long and it wasn't even as close to feeling like this.

I finally pulled away and held her face in my hands.

"Am I dreaming?"

"I sure hope not." She laughed and then cried.

"You're really okay?"

"I am right now, I'm here baby girl and I love you."

She held me tightly with her right arm and a large lump formed in my throat, when she held out her left arm, for Ashley.

My mother was finally herself again, Ashley was home. We were all together. I could not have possibly been happier.

I had a family.

My dreams, suddenly limitless.

My hopes, restored.

_E vissero felici e contenti_

_La fine_

* * *

**_I promised a happy ending. I hope you enjoyed it. I may write a few one-shot sequels. Inspire me!_**


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